Hey. Your magazine came to my house again.
Came to your house, or you took it out of my mailbox?
Took it out of your mailbox, along with this sample of trail mix.
But that is gone.
Mom, you're not going to believe what just happened at school.
Well, I hope you were arrested for indecent exposure
because those shorts are ridiculous.
I'll tell you what's ridiculous.
That little tushy of hers - I just want to bite it.
Mom, gross!
Mackenzie and I got invited to a seniors' party!
Shut up!
And it's at Gavin Reynolds' house.
Gavin Reynolds?
He's so popular I can't even make eye contact with him!
Okay. Calm down. Calm down.
It's not that big of a deal. It's just a party.
A seniors' party!
So, we can go, right, mom?
Absolutely. I mean, I'm going to have to talk
to Gavin's parents first, but yeah.
Just forget it.
Well, honey, I can't let you go to a party of some boy I don't know
- without talking to his parents first. - But that's so embarrassing.
Well, I'm sorry that it's embarrassing to you, but that's how it's going to be.
I mean, do you have any idea what goes on at a seniors' party?
That's a legitimate question. I have no idea.
I never went to one. My parents wouldn't let me.
They thought I might eat sugar.
Or talk to a Jewish person.
I can't believe you've never been to a seniors' party.
Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Popular. How many did you go to?
One. My mother threw it for me.
Me, the blind girl, and the exchange student from Serbia tore it up.
Excuse me. Are you Annie Cooper?
I'm Chris Reynolds, Gavin's dad.
I got your message. You want to meet me before the party?
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry. Hi. Yeah.
Hi.. Hi. I'm sorry. I hope you don't think I'm
one of those crazy, overprotective parents.
Well, actually, when I first got your call, I was worried about that.
But now that I see you, you seem pretty cool.
Yeah. I am. I am definitely one of the cool parents.
Don't let the apron fool you.
I'm always online, networking socially.
I'm a cool mom too. LOL. Whatevs. Justin Bieber.
Um… This is my friend, Nikki.
Your son invited her daughter also to the party.
Yeah. Yeah. I know you.
You flip me off every morning in the school drop-off.
Are you the guy in the SUV? What's with all the honking?
Well, you park in the red. No one can get around you.
I'll let you get around me.
Um… Thank you so much for stopping by.
It makes me feel a lot better knowing that you and your wife will be there.
Oh, it's just me. I'm divorced.
That is so sad!
I'm divorced too!
I'm sorry. Um… Is there anything that Sophie can bring to the party?
Can she bring you?
I have no idea how to respond to that.
I know what Mackenzie can bring. My seven-layer dip.
People go crazy for it.
Spoiler alert: It actually has eight layers.
The eighth layer forms in the fridge overnight.
Wow. Yeah. As good as that sounds, I think we've got everything we need.
I'd ask for your number, but I've already got it.
It would be so much easier to talk to you if you didn't have that face.
Oh. Just so you know, there's going to be beer at the party.
But it's only for the seniors, so it won't affect your girls.
And absolutely no one drives.
I'm sorry. Beer?
Well, the only reason I mentioned it is because
there's a lot of uptight parents out there.
Nerds!
I'd rather them do it under my supervision
because they're going to drink anyway, right?
I mean, you know seniors' parties.
Yeah. We sure do.
Sugar. Jewish people.
There is no way we are going to let Sophie go to a party where they're serving beer.
I don't care how much she kicks and screams.
We're her parents and we tell her what she can and cannot do.
Okay. Now, the way you're saying this,
it sounds like you want me to be a part of it.
If it bothers you so much, why didn't you tell the dad
that Sophie couldn't go when you heard there was going to be beer at the party?
Hmm… Why didn't you tell him, Annie?
Hey, this is not about Sophie's new daddy right now.
This is about the girls.
They're not going to that party.
Honey, we can't shield them from everything.
Look, when Mackenzie was little,
Gary and I didn't let her eat processed food or watch television.
So when she started school, she had no street cred.
She screamed in terror the first time she saw an Elmo doll.
He is a monster. People forget that.
Annie, just because there's alcohol at a party,
it doesn't mean that Sophie is going to drink it.
- I did not. - You didn't drink in high school?
Never touched the stuff. Neither of us did.
- I was too focused on my academics. - And I was really, really high.
Well, we never even had alcohol in our house.
One time, this woman bought over a bottle of wine as a gift,
and my mom got so freaked out she went out and buried it in the backyard.
Why?
She buried everything she thought was evil.
- Alcohol, makeup, magazines. - Why didn't she just throw them away?
You can't throw evil away. You have to bury it.
Look, I really don't think this is such a big deal.
When I was at high school,
my parents let me and my friends drink in the house.
It gave me a healthy respect for alcohol, and I learned not to abuse it.
You're having a shot of tequila and it's 10:00 a.m.
My first golf lesson today is an 80 year old white woman.
It's going to be driving "Miss Daisy" in a golf cart.
I'm having a damn shot of tequila.
I can't believe you're all okay with this.
It just doesn't feel right to me.
I mean, Jack, what do you think?
Wow. You want my opinion? You hate my opinion.
Well, I mean, you're Sophie's uncle. I think you should weigh in here.
I actually agree with Nikki. They should go to the party.
Well, I think you have a weird shaped head. Anyone want to agree with that?
Look, it all comes down to "Do you trust your kids?"
More and more, they're going to be put in situations
where they have to make choices on their own.
If you've done your job as parents, you've got nothing to worry about.
I'm having another damn shot of tequila.
Why is everyone here?
Because we're having our own little party while you go to yours.
Hey. Can I offer you a drink of alcohol?
No, thank you. I don't want any alcohol.
I'll just stick with my soda pop.
Oh, come on. Don't be a nerd. We're all going to have some alcohol.
Have some so you'll fit in.
Hey! Are you peer pressuring me?
I'm my own person. I make my own decisions.
What about some sex then?
No, thank you. I'm not emotionally ready for that.
And there's a 100% chance that you will tell all of your friends,
and I will get a bad reputation.
If it's possible, I respect you even more now.
As an attorney, I would like to tell you
how many people go to jail for drinking and sex and
slutty, slutty clothing.
Do you girls get what we're doing?
Hell. I'm not sure I get it.
He's right. Enough. Come on, girls.
Get in. I'll give you a ride to the party.
Look, we just want to make sure that you girls don't feel pressured
to do things that you're not ready for.
Mom, I'm not going to drink. I wish you'd stop worrying about me.
I'm a smart girl and I know the right thing to do.
Okay. You're right. I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm so proud of you.
I'm proud of you too, Mackenzie.
Because I know you're not going to drink either, right?
- No way. - Good girl.
Because drinking makes you fat.
I'll take it.
Nice of Gary and Matt to drive the girls to the party.
Yeah. It was nice of them.
I was just kind of hoping I could take them so I could say hi to Chris.
Ooh, your boyfriend.
He is not my boyfriend.
Do you think he wants to be?
Because I would do anything for that man. I mean anything.
I have a question.
What the hell were you two thinking letting our girls go to that party?
What happened?
The boys at that party were enormous.
- One of them had a full beard. - I thought he was the dad.
Until he asked a friend to pull his finger.
What did you expect? That there wouldn't be boys there?
Yeah. But I pictured, like, boys.
Acne, braces, frog in the front pocket of his overalls.
- They're not eight. - And they're not Dennis the Menace.
No. But that's the problem. Those boys are 18.
We are not cool with this. You need to go to that party and get the girls.
Why us?
Because it didn't look like a neighbourhood I should go in to angry.
Okay, look. Calm down, guys.
Sophie texted me like she promised and she sent me a picture too.
See? She's fine.
Uh-oh. Is Sophie holding a red cup?
What's a red cup?
I don't think she's holding it. I think it's just by her hand.
What is the red cup?
Well, usually when there's a keg, they serve beer in those red cups.
Oh my God, she's drinking!
Red cup! Red cup! Red cup!
She's standing next to a table with a red cup on it.
It could be anybody's.
Yeah. Like that dude with his pants hanging down and his underwear hanging out.
Get a belt, man.
Come on. Let's go get them. You drive. I'll hide in the backseat.
I'm coming with you.
Oh, stop it. You are not going to that party.
I won't let you embarrass our girls like that.
I'd guarantee you all the other parents are out having a good time of their own.
Mackenzie and Sophie promised they weren't going to drink
- and I believe them. - I believe them too.
- But those boys are... - Those boys are fine.
They see them at school every day. It's a party with supervision.
That is true.
Really good-looking supervision.
So, now, can we just please take advantage of this evening?
I would like to flirt with a man until he buys me nachos
like a normal human being.
And whatever a fun night means to you two, go out and do it!
Well, there's a really good blues band at the Broken Spoke.
Or we can go the airport and watch the planes take off.
We'll do both.
Why do you like that so much?
Pardon me for having a sense of wonder.
Well… We were all getting a little crazy there.
Look who brought us back down –.
Miss Crazy herself.
Well, I want to go out. We deserve to have a little fun.
Now give me minute to run a wet nap over my five areas and I'm good to go.
Hey, can you do that in the car?
Because I want to make a quick stop on the way.
Why do I even bother washing my five areas?
Here. Let me boost you up so we can get a better look.
You boost me up. I've had burritos bigger than you.
- Fine. Then you boost me up. - Okay. Oh gosh.
Okay. Hold on.
Okay. Let me get a better grip.
All right. On the count of three. 1… 2… 3!
See, this is why I won't go on Amazing Race with you.
Get up.
Oh God. You're scrappy.
What do you see?
Oh my God.
- You're not going to believe this. - What?
My seven-layer dip is just sitting there and no one's even tried it!
What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with your boyfriend?
He put my dip behind a big bowl of popcorn.
That is just ignorant.
Nikki, you say one more thing about your seven-layer dip
and I'm sticking my finger right up your fifth area.
I don't see our girls.
I just see a bunch of kids having a good time,
which is what we should be doing.
Now, carry me to the car.
Nikki!
It's Jack.
What do you want?
Just all the love and respect you give me on a daily basis.
I just wanted to make sure you're okay.
I know letting Sophie go is not easy for you.
Of course I'm okay.
Are you sure? You sound weird.
That's because I am very sick.
You know what? I had a little tickle in my throat this morning.
- I bet I got it from you. - You did not catch it from me!
Oh, I don't know. I was feeling fine and then I went to the coffee shop
and you served me that Danish without a glove on.
- No one wears gloves at a coffeehouse. - That's simply not true.
There is a very sanitary coffee shop on 3rd Street where everyone uses gloves.
You did not catch it from me.
- Oh my God. I got to go. - Why?
Are you going to throw up? Is that where this is going?
I don't want to throw up.
Hey. I'm Jake.
What's your name?
- Uh… Nikki. Look, I just came to… - Nikki.
Pretty name for a pretty girl.
Girl?
Yeah. And I just came to this stupid party with my little brother.
I go to UT, I am a Delta Cappa.
We have a bad rep.
So, what are you, a senior?
Yes, I'm a senior.
Whatevs. LOL. Justin Bieber.
All right. We're just going to take a quick look, make sure they're okay,
and then we'll go.
- Back to the airport? - Yes, Gary. Back to the airport.
Busted!
You're busted too.
- Fair enough. - Did you see anything?
Is that weirdo with the diaper pants
- anywhere near our girls? - Didn't see him.
Couldn't get high enough.
Never had that problem.
Come here. I'll give you a boost.
Mom?
Hi, sweetie.
I can't believe you were spying on me.
Well, I'm sorry, honey. But it wasn't just me.
- They were doing it too. - Who?
Look, Sophie. I saw a picture of you
and I wasn't sure if you were drinking or not.
And here you are standing in front of me with a red cup.
So I think I'm a little bit justified.
That is soda.
Good girl. I'm so proud of you.
So when you told me you weren't one of those crazy overprotective moms,
what you actually meant was you're the leader of the crazy overprotective moms.
Oh. I don't know if I have leadership qualities,
but… I am pretty high up, so...
You still have my phone number, right?
Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm going to call you.
Great. Cool. Because I thought I blew it.
Honey, I don't know how many times I can say it. I am so sorry.
I told you I wasn't going to drink.
It totally sucks that you don't trust me. Makes me feel really bad about myself.
Of course it does.
I felt the same way when my parents didn't trust me.
I don't know why they didn't. I never did anything wrong.
Except for that one time I dug up that Tiger Beat magazine that my mom buried.
Kirk Cameron holding those puppies really got me going.
Well, I didn't do anything wrong either.
I know you didn't.
I was totally in the wrong tonight.
- I know you're a good kid. - I try to be.
Oh my God. You're wearing my nice earrings.
I told you not to wear those.
Do you have any idea how much they cost if you were to leave one of those?
Oh my God. There's only one. You lost it.
Mom, calm down, okay?
Let me call Connor. It might be in his mouth.
- Go to your room! - Whatever.
You know what? I am two seconds away from sending you to your grandmother's house.
She will bury everything you ever cared about!
- Hey. Are you okay? - Yeah.
- What are you doing here? - You're sick. I brought you soup.
God, you look terrible.
I'm not sick. It's just been a really rough night.
Nikki and I went to the girls' party and spied on them and got caught.
And now the dad that was flirting with me thinks I'm a lunatic.
So you're not sick, huh?
I wonder where this is coming from.
I know you said it's important for me to trust my kid
but, you know, I just can't. I can't.
And if I have to spy on her until she's in college, that's what I'm going to do
because I am one of those crazy overprotective parents.
For the record, Sophie needs a crazy overprotective parent.
And if that dad can't handle it, that's his loss.
Thank you.
And thanks for coming by to check on me.
I want to say something, and I want you to really listen.
Okay.
If you're going to serve a Danish, you have to wear a glove.
- Get out. - I looked it up. It's the law.
Get out!
What a bust, huh?
I'd say it was a total loss, but Jake invited me
to a frat party on Thursday.
Guess what I'm bringing. Seven-layer dip!
Oh. This has not been a proud night for us, Nikki.
They rarely are.
But you know what? At least we found out we have good girls.
Left on their own, they made the right choices.
And you know why? We're good moms.
Sophie stole my only pair of nice earrings.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
But you know what? They didn't drink. And that's something.
That's a big "something".
Have you spoken to Gary or Matt?
There was an emergency landing at the airport.
We may never hear from them again.
- You want some wine? - Put it in a to-go cup.
I got to get back to Mackenzie. She's sick as a dog.
- What? - Yeah. She says her bed is spinning,
she's going to throw up, and she can't even walk in a straight line.
I think she has the flu.
- Sweetie. - Yeah?
Here's your drink.
To us. Best moms ever.
The very best.