Kick-start your day with Banana Tropicana.
Banana Tropicana!
Anyone?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, the ferry stop's just out there, so...
Thank you. No worries. Have a nice day.
Hey.
After this, we're going to party.
We get paid in cash,
the money's twice as good and the outfit's a hundred times better.
What's the maths on that?
Uh, X over 99% less shameful.
Do you know hard it was for me to be the sun visor girl?
Oh, boo-hoo. You're talking to giant banana guy.
How do I look?
Like someone who thinks it's a good idea to wear a bow tie.
Hey!
Hey.
You've gotta see this house.
I think the word is 'mansion'.
Only a complete egomaniac would need to live in something this big.
You could always go back to being booth girl.
Yeah, and you could always go back to being annoying douche boy.
Guys, can we just do this without all the sarcastic bickering and sexual tension?
What? Shut up!
Nothing like a naked lady statue to say, "Welcome to my mansion."
There's five bathrooms. Dirty rich people.
Why do you need five bathrooms?
Someone has to clean all those bathrooms, you know,
and I'm guessing it's an underpaid, uneducated woman.
Settle down, Germaine.
Rob, this is Tammy and Ed.
Hey! Sorry about the short notice.
The event planner guy had a complete meltdown
and walked out with all his staff.
But if we can get through this alright,
I'm shouting everybody drinks at Duck-Duck.
Duck-Duck? Shut the fu...
That place is harder to get into than the Vatican.
A mate works there. I can get you in, easy.
But I really need you to pull your weight today, OK?
They probably had no idea what they're worth.
The kids trashed the suite, but what can you do?
Listen, uh, how soon can you get that done?
How long until you process the insurance claim?
The claim should take two to three weeks to process.
- Can I call a taxi? - Of course.
No worries. You have a lovely day, sir.
What's up? I was gonna ask you to yum cha.
But now I'm gonna ask you why you were lying to that guy
about what happened at the party.
I'm just doing a little job to cover my excess.
You're always lecturing me about telling the truth
and here you are committing insurance fraud.
This is completely different. This is business.
It doesn't matter what you call it.
A lie is a lie, and you looked pretty good at it. Guess I learned from the expert.
Yeah, which is why I never fall for any of your bullshit.
You can't fool me, Scarlett.
I'm one step ahead. Whatever.
Hey, lady, how you going?
Best day of my life.
I came to cheer you up with brunch.
Never say 'brunch'.
I was gonna have yum cha with my dad,
but then I thought, in-store picnic with you would be so much better.
Plus we had a fight.
What over? Whatever.
How are you feeling about
Mr "I'm so hot I forgot to tell you I was married"?
Like I never want to talk about it again.
Oh, I know.
Guys are only good for one thing - heavy lifting.
And there's plenty of them around to get that job done.
I know I'm not supposed to say this, but I'm kind of creeped out by used clothes.
I mean, when they're designer vintage, I can do it, but...
This is where clothes come to die. It's like a sad fashion graveyard.
No, it's where fashion comes to be reborn and recycled.
We just got some hilarious '80s stuff in. I'll bring it out.
You know, I was thinking about studying visual merchandising,
and I read all this stuff
about how to really maximise the impact of your display.
These should be colour-coded.
This morning, I was banana boy.
But now I'm on the door of the coolest club in the Valley.
Yeah, it's great.
Except you don't have an ID and you're grounded.
Yeah, I know. I never get into clubs. I need this.
Do you remember when
the door whore at Don Pedro's made you dance in front of everyone,
then said you weren't good enough to get in?
Bitch was drunk on power.
This is not gonna be like all those other times.
I'm gonna figure out a way how to get me ID,
then we're going out for the best night of our young lives, little lady.
You got any ideas? It's not up to me to have ideas.
I have dreams.
You're always making plans and lists. Make a list of plans to get me some ID.
Time... I'm a tiny bit busy with tiny Russian fish eggs.
Why don't you call Eva? Genius.
OK, people are arriving.
Luke, you're on bar. Ed, food.
Tammy, do you play cards? Um, yeah.
Well, I kind of had an online Texas Hold 'em habit/problem,
but I'm good now.
How do you feel about lycra?
Um, there's probably a time and a place for it, like the Winter Olympics.
Also right now.
No, you need to get that off and try this.
Oh, ta.
Sure, if you want people to think you're an accountant, then that's perfect.
This suit says "Danish rock star
"on a break from recording an album in Copenhagen."
That's good.
Yeah. OK, see this hemline?
It adds volume above the knee, which actually draws the attention away from...
issues.
This is a party? I know.
Who died?
Old people have strange ways we can't understand.
But for the cash that we're making
and the massive night that'll happen when we spend it,
we can pretend like we care.
Aren't you grounded? Yeah.
My parents are still spazzed that I bailed on my birthday.
If they found out what really happened, they'll...
Ed? Dad!
What are you doing here? What are you wearing?
Oh, it's a work do.
I was thinking "Mississippi riverboat casino",
but everyone else seems to have gone "Monte Carlo".
Anyway, the general manager, he just got CEO,
so he invited us all to share in the fruits of his success.
Speaking of fruits, weren't you supposed to...
Yeah, I finished that and then we got this.
Like a drink, Mr Newman? Uh, yeah. Hi.
You look very James Bond in that outfit.
Cheers.
He's coming over.
Who?
Stacey, the CEO. Isn't Stacey a girl's name?
He's talking to the bald man.
That guy's your boss? He's way younger than you.
Only a year.
Pete?
Stacey. Congratulations. Thanks, mate.
I can't think of a better man for the job. Oh, of course.
Uh, this is my son, Ed.
Well, if anything goes wrong, I know where to come, eh?
Just like your dad.
Yeah, we worked together years ago.
How's it going down there in mortgages, Pete?
- Yeah, great. - Down in the old dungeon, eh?
Eh? Yes.
Uh, your place is awesome.
Oh, yes. Thanks, mate.
The wife and her heterosexually challenged friends,
they designed the place.
I take care of the artwork.
Hey, have a look at this little beauty over here.
See this little baby?
It's worth $100 for every year since it was made.
Mesopotamian.
Yeah, I nearly put guacamole in it before.
That was a joke.
I'm gonna go back to work.
Eva's not returning my messages.
Why don't you call Scarlett? She's a frequent phone checker.
We don't really have a "call each other for phone chats and favours"
kind of relationship yet.
So relax and wait for Eva.
Hola, Eduardo!
Eva says hi.
He says you have 16 missed calls.
He says he can get us into something called Duck-Duck tonight
but he needs fake ID.
Yes. Say yes.
We can do it, but you're gonna have to owe us big-time.
Love me.
So, what's this about ducks?
Whoo!
♪ Going to the nightclub, gonna get messy. ♪
Whoo!
Thanks.
I'm searching for the right words, mate.
I know, I'm a 'tard. There's the words.
If it was Stacey that caught you...
I understand if you're firing me,
but could you maybe tell the others that I got caught for eating the food?
Not that I'd do that.
Knob jockeys. Someone's spewed in the pond.
What are you doing?
Also, I'll have a bloody mary. Cucumber, not celery.
He's a pain in the arse usually,
but when he's on the gear, he's a pain in the vagina.
Get back to work. We can talk about this later.
Uh-uh, uh-uh! Wash your hands.
So wrong. It's disgusting.
'Tony the Tiger'? I know!
And that picture with the jet ski?
I think it's Photoshopped. No doubt.
Why does everyone always pretend to be somebody else?
I know. He hasn't even met them yet and he's already lying to them.
It doesn't matter how old they are, they just want to get you on the scoreboard
so they can move on to the next one.
What are you doing?
My top 12 ways to wear a scarf. There's 12 ways?
There's 100 ways, but top tens are so over.
What?
He won the Nobel peace prize and he loves relaxing horse rides on the beach?
No, he says he's so busy he's even happy to do it on the phone.
Ew! That's my dad.
You might want to check on that. He says he doesn't have any kids.
He says what now?
Never been married, no children.
Right. This means war.
I'm bringing out the weapons of mass destruction
and invading the hell out of his crappy little empire.
You can be scary. Thank you.
This party blows, man.
If Rob wasn't getting us into the club, I'd be out of here.
Yeah, about that.
Look at this dick. He's got his sleazy little eyes all over her.
She does look... kinda...
Yep.
Thanks.
Yeah, it isn't right.
How does it look? Just needs a garnish.
I'll put you all in.
Come on.
Work it out, champ.
Work it out, champ!
I'm out.
Booyah!
In your face!
Mm, mm. Mm.
Mm! Keep 'em coming. Keep 'em coming.
Let's have a little break. I've gotta go and make a phone call.
What's happening?
I'm down to my last few shekels.
Whoever wins after the end of 10 rounds wins a case of some fancy wine.
Thought your mum might like it.
Never know, might come good.
I think I fucked up with Rob.
What do you mean? Don't think he likes me.
I look like a 19th-century prostitute
and I'm getting eye-raped by those guys over there
so that we, and especially you, can get into this club.
Do not blow this for us, Ed.
Did you get in contact with Eva?
Yeah, her and Scarlett are sorting it.
What a spoon.
He's a good guy.
Yeah? And where'd that get him?
Nowhere. Just like where I'm going.
I've inherited the loser gene.
Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and see who's loved by Lady Luck.
Who are you?
"I'm educated, athletic, busty.
"I like adventure sports,
"fast cars and the men who drive them.
"I can fly a plane, but I'm famous for my cooking.
"Model with a law degree."
Seriously? He likes high achievers.
What would you write? I'd want it to be honest.
Like, "I turn into an evil witch when I'm on the rag"?
How about, "I'm not perfect, but I actually exist"?
OK, so what's her name? I'm thinking Giselle.
Upload!
Now we need a photo of Ed that doesn't look like Ed.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
I'm out. What do you mean, you're out?
I'm over it. We're nearly done.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! This thing's worth a fortune!
Even if I was his butler for the rest of my life
I probably wouldn't be able to pay it off.
Please, please, please, please, don't leave me here.
Oi! Butt monkeys, what's happening?
I think it's, like, really, really, really old.
I think it's actually ancient.
Alright, cock rats.
Lucky I've got sticky spit.
He's pulling a face in every shot.
Not to mention he looks about 12.
He is kind of adorable, though, in a "he'd just be so grateful" kind of way.
Hey, this one could work.
Hmm.
If you didn't know him and he showed you his ID so you thought he was older,
would you go there?
You got it again.
Mr Newman takes the prize!
If you were taking that many risks in business,
you might've ended up where I am.
Well, you have to be more careful when it's real money, and it's not yours.
Oh, see, that's your problem. You've never had any balls.
Why don't you put your nuts on the table?
Why don't we split these chips and turn it into real money?
It's nearly $20,000.
Oh! It's nearly $20,000.
Come on, nut boy.
Nut boy.
What are you doing?
I have no idea.
Mum's going to kill you.
Yeah.
Kick his arse.
500 blind?
1,000 big blind.
You in?
Check. I'll check.
Nothing there for you, mate?
- Check. - Oh, check.
Here's a couple. 2,000.
Let's go, nutty.
Two cards left.
25% chance of a club, one in 6.5 of a four or a ten.
I have to call it.
Don't look at her boobs, don't look at her boobs,
don't look at her boobs.
- Call. - Oh!
Is that the ace you were looking for?
Check.
3,000.
Call.
12,000 in the pot.
Raise one.
Oh. Oh, please don't hurt me with your one.
All in. All in.
All in!
Think about it, nutso. You do not want to do this.
I'll give you the tip.
Call. All in.
Big call, nuts! Big call, gonad.
Read 'em and weep.
Three of a kind.
Oh, no!
That's a flush. He has it!
Laser scanner, laptop, laminator, printer.
I'm pretty much a one-stop ID shop.
Alright, save the nerdgasm. How much is it gonna cost?
Usually 50.
But you can do us a special deal, though, right?
If we promise to tell all our little underage girlfriends about you?
Should we say 25?
Uh... Great.
Okay, so Giselle should say in the message
that she wants something casual.
Guys love that.
You sure you wanna do this? Doing it!
"Dear Tony the Tiger."
Yeah, that's sexy.
Well, fine. You do it, then.
"Hey there, Tiger. Think you're hot.
"Message me for sexy talk and more. Juicy Giselle."
Saucy bitch.
Are you messing with this guy?
What do you care? It's not very nice.
You're fake ID guy and you've got an issue with lying now?
I'm not hurting anyone.
This is a whole big thing about truth and consequences, and ethical stuff.
I'm going to show "Mr Fancy Hotel, no kids, jet ski man",
always one step ahead, my arse.
Sending.
I'm not doing any more. No, but I need you!
You're my guy with the big nose.
You know, uh... Cyrano de Bergerac?
Exactly. Check it out.
That is good!
Ed is gonna come in his pants.
Isn't it time the old people went home?
Oi, pus nuts.
Let me know if you need a hand investing that somewhere.
Thanks.
Maybe you were right. I should take more risks.
I'm always right.
That was so cool, Dad.
No, it wasn't.
It was irresponsible, risky behaviour, and I let him bully me into it.
But it paid off.
Sheer arse.
Hey, um, I know I said you're grounded,
but if you want to go out with your mates tonight,
I'll tell your mum I said it was alright.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm proud of you, working so hard today.
Yeah.
Hey, my last chip.
Must be lucky.
I've never seen anyone look so good taking out the garbage.
I should probably get changed.
No way. You look great.
They're not gonna let me into a club looking like a stripper.
You don't go out much, do you?
So you've got some mad card skills.
Yeah, my dad taught me a few.
Like, say, how to stack the deck?
What?
You weren't even watching!
Oh, look, I had to help Pete win that wine,
and then I couldn't let him lose to that tosser.
You can't even mention this to Ed, OK?
I get it. I think it's nice.
Yeah. I'm nice.
Just don't tell anyone.
What have you learnt today, mister?
I swear I don't usually do that sort of thing.
Well, I do do it, but not in other people's closets or at work.
It's just I had my first time with a girl and it wasn't like I thought it would be.
Maybe there's just something wrong with me.
There's definitely something wrong with her.
Don't worry about it. You just need practice and chemistry.
My first time, well, my first time was amazing, 'cause it was a threesome.
And I'm a natural.
That was a joke.
It was average for a threesome.
Look, if you have bad sex,
you've just gotta get back on the horse, the bike, whatever.
So... can I still go to the club?
Well, if you can keep your dick in your pants, I can't see why not.
Hairy balls.
Anal warts.
Pubic lice. Genital herpes.
Salty... gherkin!
Guten Tag!
It's not just about how old you are. It's about how old you act.
You've gotta be like, "Why wouldn't I get in?"
You walk up to the door, give the guy a look.
Hey, buddy.
No, you don't say it.
You say it with your eyes. Like this.
Oh, my God!
Maybe you should do the "try to be invisible" thing.
- OK. - This club is so exclusive.
Yeah, but the drinks are a rip and the music sucks, so...
The view's good.
Seen it all before.
Hey, uh, thanks for sorting me out.
Mmm! I'll think of a way you can pay me back.
Is there something going on between those two?
Whatever it is, I wish it wasn't.
Why? Are you jealous?
Yeah, that's what everyone would like to think, isn't it?
"Wouldn't it be great if Ed got together with the nice girl next door?"
My parents would love that.
Are you attracted to her? I'm attracted to concrete.
I'm a guy and I'm 17. It's like my job to be horny.
Why don't you just answer the question?
She's like my annoying, bossy big sister
who's smarter than me and who my parents love more.
So what's the problem?
Apart from Luke getting with every girl I know who won't get with me,
I just want everyone to get along.
No drama. You don't like drama?
No, I like comedy horror, like my life.
I like action.
So if my best friend and your casual bit on the side get together,
I guess that just leaves you and... me.
We'll see.
What are we doing?
Uh, I want to road-test this at a bar before we go to the club.
Hey, anyone hungry? Yeah, starving.
OK, you can all get some food, but we've got to be in before 11.
And there might be a line, so be out front by 10, OK?
OK!
Resist the urge to speak.
Cheers. Thank you. No worries.
Bye-bye.
Don't look at me. I think I'm about to have something in my eye.
As much as I enjoy seeing boys cry, there is one other option.
It's amazing how garlic sauce makes raw onion taste so good.
Lukey, can you please pass me the salt?
It's a bit like chilli sauce.
You know how if anything tastes good, it always tastes better with chilli sauce?
Especially eggs.
That one?
Nup.
That one, with the cowboy boots.
It's nearly 10:00. There has to be somebody that looks like me.
I have two eyes and a nose. Why is this so hard?
Over there.
The ranga?
Mm-mm. No way.
I'd just be borrowing it for the night.
A few hours. Minutes.
You could come with me and after I get in, I could come straight out.
I've got money. I'll give you all my pay.
No way!
- Watch it! What's wrong? - What's your problem?
I love you!
There's just one more thing.
This'd better be good. I don't line up for anything.
- Sorry. - Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
They're my friends.
What happened to your face?!
It looks like you lost a fight
with someone who was trying to pierce your nose.
Long story. He lost the ID.
- Apparently not that long. - What happened?
We got a lookalike.
Yeah, it might work.
Wait, Louise?
You got a girl's ID?
Get all your chuckles out now. I've got a birthday to learn.
Hey, I love this Dita Von Teese-y look.
What if they have a "no trolling around in Madonna's old underwear" rule?
She's just jealous.
You gotta go in first. You're on the door.
Hey, you can do this, easy.
And remember, you're a girl, yeah?
Um, I think I'm on the door, under 'Rob'.
Name? Ed.
Yeah, plus four. ID?
Louise?
It says here your name is Louise.
Uh, she likes to be called Ed.
We're all trying really hard to be understanding about it.
Good for you, babe. Be whoever you gotta be.
Oh, no cover. And these will get you five free drinks.
No drink ever tasted sweeter, no music ever sounded better.
Just like in my head.
What's going on between you and Luke?
What? Nothing.
Yeah, I can see you two make goo-goo faces at each other.
Aren't you the girl who says she doesn't go
for the obvious popular guys?
I don't.
Right. Sure.
I'm going to have a look around.
Alright. I'll just stay here, then.
What do you have to do to get a drink around here?
Yeah, I know, right?
New piercing?
Yeah. The alcohol's numbing the excruciating pain.
I pierced my own clit. That hurt.
You did it yourself?
Wanna see?
Hey, sexy boy!
I got you a tequila. Where you been?
Oh, sorry, mate. I thought you were a girl.
Sorry, mate. I thought you might need some saving.
That was ironic, I think.
Or maybe it was just humiliating.
Oh, it's OK. It was funny.
Hilarious.
No, I can't look. What does it say?
I'm out. Officially not cool with the word 'panties'.
Ew!
OK, wait, what should we write?
You need to sort this shit out.
Your dad's a desperate dickwad, but he's still your dad.
And he must love you, to put up with you.
Work is hard. Especially when you work for arseholes.
Is work like the stupidest thing humans ever invented?
Yes!
It's not like if you found out you were gonna die tomorrow
you'd be like, "Oh, no, I wish I'd worked more."
I'd be like, "I don't want to die without having more sex."
You've just gotta figure out whatever it is that makes you happy.
My list for happiness is
friendship, freedom, talk, tequila,
and I can afford everything on it.
I'll get it.
Dude, don't touch my duck.
Hey, nothing wrong with having a small duck.
I've compared it to all the other ducks, and it's an average size for a duck.
Average duck.
I want to tell you to get the hell off me, but the pill's sucked out all my sarcasm.
Oh, it's like you're kryptonite.
Now it's turned you into a temporarily nice person.
Don't freak me out.
How's everybody feeling?
Off face. Off chops.
Off tits. Peaking duck-duck.
Why don't we go to the designated area
and move our arms and legs in time with the music?
Whoo. Wait for it. Whoo!
Ed? Are you in there?
No.
Are you planning on staying in there all night?
Maybe.
Anything you want to talk about?
No.
I'm dancing on stage, looking amazing, and this guy jumps up, grabs my arse
and realises I'm more of a boy than what he thought.
I swear to God, he loved it.
He would have paid for it if I'd made him, OK?
This is not what I thought my first night at a club would be like.
It's never the nights you plan that are huge.
It's, like, the nights when you think you're just going to the supermarket
you wind up having the greatest night of your life.
I just want it to be like this whole humiliating day had never happened.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
That guy Rob is hot.
I probably would've made out with him too.
Really?
If he was into girls.
So you think he's definitely gay?
He wasn't just carried away by the drugs and my winning personality,
the sheer sexiness of me?
He's totally gay.
Is that what my face looks like?
Don't look in the mirror when you're on it.
It's, like, the number one rule of illegal substances.
My nose is angry.
My eyes are looking at my eyes.
How about we get out of here?
Hey, Tony.
What are you doing here?
I was at that club.
I took drugs and made out with a lesbian.
Really not in the mood today.
How about we try that old gay army trick?
Don't ask, don't tell. Fine with me.
So what are you doing here?
Got a breakfast meeting.
Yeah, Giselle said to say she can't make it
because she has a big day in court,
but that you should take your daughter out instead.
Oh...
Yum cha?
Your place is massive. Shh!
Dude, stop moving.
This feels good.
I have to tell you something.
Mm?
When that guy kissed me, or I kissed him, whatever...
I didn't exactly hate it.
I mean, I had a reaction.
It moved.
Does this mean anything?
I think it means that you like people for who they are, not what they are.
Also, drugs can make you do things that you wouldn't usually do.
Like this.
Did it move?
Wait. What?
Let me show you something.
Now I get it.
Thank you.
For what?
I don't care if you did it 'cause you felt sorry for me
or you're trying to get back at that married guy.
I don't mind.
Sorry.
I should probably learn to not say stuff.
No, the truth is always better, even if it itches.
Fuck off, tampon.