Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
Too hard? No.
[ knock on door ]
Jared: Beer tap's clogged.
So?
So, I need you to suck it out again.
Are you serious?
Hi, officer wendy.
[ sighs ] hi, jared.
Five minutes.
[ sighs ]
Five minutes?
I overestimated you.
No, no, no. That's not --
[ chuckles ]
Come on.
You have some sucking to do.
[ sighs ]
Megan conray has accepted my friend request.
Tomorrow I'll be face-to-face with her
For the first time in 10 years.
That's great.
Who's megan?
Oh, she's the one from college
Who caused pindy's agoraphobia.
How did she make you afraid to leave the house?
She chose pindy's roommate over him,
And when he was sexiled...
I found shelter at the infirmary.
And to get a bed,
I had to believably suffer from an ailment.
And it is these ailments that have since enslaved me.
We saw a phobia doc on discovery.
Dane cook hosted.
Oh, well, then...
Megan conray accepted my friend request.
Marco! All: Polo!
[ laughter ]
Indoor marco polo, huh?
We don't have a pool.
Colleen sighting -- 11:00.
Peter.
Shane, get out of here. Go.
Mm.
Jarrey-bear!
See, nobody calls me that anymore, and I miss it.
Aw.
What's wrong? Is everything okay? No.
You're having a party, and you didn't invite me. Why?
'cause I'm having a party. [ cellphone beeps ]
Shane is gonna take me planking.
Yeah, apparently all you have to do is just put, like --
I know what planking is, mom. And there's no way you and shane are --
That was -- that was al at lock-up.
He's a guard who tips us off to potential cases.
Oh, that sounds exciting.
Yeah. One second, mom.
I have to deal with a trespassing mom.
I'd like to spend some more time with wendy.
Who's wendy?
I'll call you later, mom.
No planking.
Can you handle this?
It's manslaughter.
Perp's name is steven piper.
He's a college campus parking officer.
No criminal history.
Bail's been posted. He's being processed now.
Victim? Street punk.
Criminal record. Couple of assaults.
You guys know about piper, right?
What do you mean?
He's one of those crime fighters.
He's a cop?
Not exactly.
Your lawyers are here.
He goes by "raven viper."
Yes.
You're still in costume.
That is a costume.
This is a uniform.
Synced By YesCool www.addic7ed.com
♪ ooh, what a mixture ♪
♪ such a vivid picture ♪
♪ ooh, what a mixture ♪
♪ if I must say so myself ♪
It was 2200 when I secured a visual on the perpetrator.
The victim, paul winstead?
I'd never seen anybody die before.
Can you walk us through what happened?
Certainly. Mr. Winstead was wearing a hoodie.
He grabbed a woman's purse right here.
I told him to stop.
He took off running, and I gave chase.
Are we supposed to follow him?
I guess, but...
I'm gonna walk.
Seriously?
[ groans ] okay. [ grunts ]
Jared: Come on.
Peter: I can't do this. You're doing great.
I -- I don't want to do this.
I'm very proud of you.
Is he still running?
Ohh.
If you'll hold there. Okay.
He dropped the purse where your feet stand now.
Job well done.
Good samaritan so far.
I'm not a good samaritan.
I'm a crime fighter.
Sure, of course. Noted.
Let's keep going. How did he fall?
I'll show you. U-up there?
Can you just tell us?
[ grunting ] okay.
[ groans ]
I pursued the suspect onto the roof.
Ordered him to stop. He did not.
I had him cornered here. A struggle ensued.
I tried to apply
A sternocleidomastoid pressure point.
Sure, those are good.
And you pushed him off the roof?
No.
No, he should have collapsed right where I made contact.
But he -- he didn't.
Instead he backed up and fell over the wall.
Ohh...
It should never have come to this.
If he would have just given himself up...
Listen -- gentlemen, I help people.
I don't hurt them.
And I certainly don't kill them.
I could go to jail for a long time, couldn't I?
Maybe.
What's your takeaway?
[ sighs ] he's a whack job
But in a good way.
Whack jobs need lawyers, too.
How could we say no to a superhero?
It's not that bad.
Mm. Uh...
[ yelps ]
We think this case plays to our strengths.
Ooh! Chocolate-covered espresso beans.
Raven viper's a parking officer on campus.
He claims --
By day, he's a mere parking-enforcement officer.
By night, he patrols the campus meting out justice.
And now a man has perished.
Very dickensian.
The victim had a long criminal record
Including assault.
He was suspected of two burglaries on campus.
How is raven viper gonna afford you?
Ooh! Cornichon.
He's a saver. H-he's 40.
He's never been married. No kids.
Until last year, he lived with his parents.
Just like bruce wayne.
Well, bruce wayne's parents were brutally murdered,
Which is what resulted in him becoming batman...
Uh, okay, fan boy. ...According to the origin story.
Why do you two boys want this case so badly?
Is it a bit of comic-book nostalgia?
Sir, it's not the cape. We --
Wait, wait, wait. Sir, this isn't for you.
They delivered it to the wrong floor.
Nonsense. What?
Sir, we need to first-chair a manslaughter case.
So we can be stronger for the firm in the long run.
Fair enough.
But I want hanna at second chair.
Wait. Wait a minute. They're equity partners.
Why do they need chaperoning in court?
Mm. That's a good point. All right.
+
Oh, thank you.
Her update was right. She's in there.
All right. You're confronting the source of your phobia.
Just tell her how you feel.
Here she comes.
You know what? This could look like a cult abduction
If it's not handled well.
I'll clarify that right now.
This is not a cult abduction.
My name is pindar singh --
Class of 2003, berkeley, willets dorm.
I was roommates with phil guenzer.
You confirmed my facebook request.
I -- I confirm everyone.
I respect that.
I've always loved you.
I hated being banished to the infirmary
While you showered phil with affection.
Can I go to work now? Okay.
I'll be here again tomorrow.
Ciao!
♪ every single way ♪
♪ it's heaven-sent ♪
Okay, listen --
Don't touch me.
♪ my love ♪
♪ I want to be the lover that you never had before ♪
♪ the one you run to... ♪
Excuse me.
The receptionist told me to take a right at the ficus,
But I can't find peter bash's office.
Oh. Peter's office is over there,
But is there something someone can do for you?
Yes. I'm his mom.
Oh, hi. Hanna.
Do you work for peter?
I work with peter. Sometimes over peter.
Never for peter.
Oh, I -- I didn't catch your name.
It's damien karp. It's very nice to meet you.
Well, the pleasure's all mine.
[ clears throat ]
Mom.
Mom. I told you I'd call you later.
I brought lunch for you and jared.
Yeah, oh, thank you, but, uh --
I have a real-estate transaction I need to discuss with peter.
Today is a bad day.
I practiced real-estate law in the palisades for two years,
If you have any questions.
Ooh, I have a question. Why are you here?
Don't hesitate to call.
Come on, mom. Mom.
Ohh, god.
I think peter's mom likes you.
Uh-huh.
Hi. I'm colleen bash -- peter's mom.
No, don't let me keep you. Just keep going.
Mom, mom, he waters the plants.
Well, it's important to treat all your employees
With mutual respect.
Colleen! Hi! I brought your favorite.
Oh, thank you.
Inside-out salami sandwich?
Come on. You're the best.
Look at you all dressed up.
Tied it myself. Ooh!
Look, mom, what's the problem?
[ sighs ]
I need your blessing...
To sell the house you were born in.
Finally. It's only been 10 years.
Hey, hey, hey. Big decisions are tough for her.
Over-thinking can be a good quality.
I agree.
I mean, after all these years as a single woman,
I've never had a one-night stand.
I mean, a lot of close calls.
Definitely some heavy petting.
Definitely. Mom. Boundaries.
Since when do you observe boundaries, you prude?
Since my mom is about to tell you
About letting someone go to second base with her.
Unh -- third. Third base -- hello.
So, have you spoken to janie?
Yes. She's a d.A. We see her all the time. We're seeing her at 11:00.
So, you know.
Know what?
I can't believe janie postponed her wedding again.
That's two times and counting.
Your mom said it was 'cause it was monsoon season in thailand.
Which you can find out in two seconds on google
Before you plan a destination wedding.
Your mom is awesome.
She was the only mom who took us to r-rated movies when we were like 12.
You know what? My mis an r-rated movie.
It's not easy having the cool mom. Trust me.
Where'd you park? Whoa.
A little less stealthy next time, vipe, okay?
Sorry. It's involuntary.
So, where'd you park? Seriously.
Hill street. Hill street.
Good. Two-hour parking, 9:00 to 6:00.
That will work.
Okay.
[ sighs ]
Right here.
That's you, buddy.
Hey, guys. Got a second?
Alone.
Please?
Sorry to hear about the wedding.
Oh. Oh, yeah. Monsoon season.
I don't know what we were thinking.
Who told you?
My mom. His mom.
Ah, colleen. I miss your mom.
She's the same as always -- daffy.
Who am I kidding? She's not daffy. She's insane.
No, she is not. But your client is,
And that's what I want to talk to you about.
Janie, this is a clear-cut case of self defense.
You can't corner a crime fighter
And expect him not to lash out.
These guys are like bengal tigers.
Anyway, the victim was a total scumbag. Right.
So, we will be good
If your client does 120 days in a psych ward
And cops to non compos mentis.
How about no days
And no declaration of mental incompetence?
You're not gonna get this deal again.
[ shudders ] I'm quaking.
I was gonna give you my jacket.
No, I was just quaking in fear.
We'll run this by vipe.
Vipe? Really?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay.
Vipe.
Stand down, friend.
The d.A. Made us an offer. Good.
They're just as eager
To get past this tragic misunderstanding as I am.
Uh...Sort of.
They want to declare you mentally unfit,
Send you to a psychiatric unit for four months,
Then you'll be free.
I didn't kill that man.
Now, I'm sorry he's dead,
But I am not gonna sign my life away.
If we turn this down and we lose this case,
You could spend the rest of your life behind bars.
Unless you can bend steel, we recommend you take it.
If I accept their offer, it'd be like giving up.
It'd be like letting the bad guys win.
And hear me now, my righteous defenders --
I never let the bad guys win, and I never give up.
Neither do we.
Let's go to trial.
Trial.
+
In 2009, the dean gave viper a commendation
For putting a small trash fire out.
He patrols between 10:00 p.M. And 3:00 a.M.
He says that's when the campus is a "den of villains."
His words.
Curse raven viper
For operating under a cloak of darkness!
[ door bell rings ] carmen!
Carmen's out interviewing witnesses around the dorm.
[ cellphone rings ] hey. Your mom.
Ah, ignore her. Colleen: Really?
And what if I ignored you every time you wanted to suckle my breasts?
Until he was 8 years old, this one.
I called first.
Oh, colleen bash, wendy cowell.
Mindy? Wendy.
Nice to meet you.
Huh. Mom, focus.
Focus.
Mom. What's wrong?
[ sighs ] someone bought the house. So fast?
I thought it would take a couple of months.
But some guy plunked down cash two hours after I listed it,
And now I have to move out immediately.
What about escrow? He was a very motivated buyer.
No escrow. "as is" immediate possession.
Sounds like a predatory developer.
I told you I should have given it more thought.
It's just a house. There's lots of houses.
They don't have the driveway where you --
Where you learned to ride a two-wheeler
O-or the bathroom
With the incredibly powerful handheld shower head
Or the backyard patio --
Yeah, I'll look into it Wednesday.
Wednesday? No, that's too late.
Where are you gonna live? [ sighs ] I don't know.
I do. Right here.
At least till you figure out your housing situation.
Uh...Just for, like, a couple days.
Come on. Let's not put artificial deadlines on things.
Right, colleen?
I love you, jared.
Well, I can understand why.
I -- I should go.
No. No, no, no. No, you don't have go.
Yeah, I -- I have morning shift tomorrow.
Yeah. Come on!
[ sighs ] all right.
I have a lot of things that I have to do.
You're getting your house back tomorrow.
Wonderful. There we go.
Everybody's happy. [ sighs ]
Hey. What can I do you for?
Wow. Why not just put up a sign that says, "we sell pot"?
What --
What do you want?
Look, I'm not a cop, but I need to know what happened
The night that guy fell off the roof and died.
You didn't open up the door for investigators,
And now I know why.
I didn't see anything.
Look, a guy's on trial for manslaughter,
And I'm just trying to help him out.
Intense.
Way.
You know what?
There's gonna come a day when you need an attorney.
When that day comes, give me a call.
Listen, okay, I heard a thud on our roof.
Are you sure?
I never smoke when I'm harvesting.
Understood.
Then what?
Nothing. I hear people screaming.
I went to the window, saw a body on the ground.
Did he die?
Yeah, he died.
That's why I'm here.
All right. Thanks. Thanks.
Oh, please, let me.
Oh, such a gentleman.
Oh, I'm so glad you could take the time.
Mm-hmm.
I guess peter's trial isn't going that well.
That's a surprise.
This is everything? Mm-hmm.
Took me almost an hour to copy them.
[ sighs ]
Enough time for some great kegel-exercise sessions.
You know where your pubococcygeal muscles are,
Don't you, damien?
Um...
I have to ask you to stop.
Oh, peter does them all the time.
Of course he does.
He told me that he's never had a problem
With premature ejaculation.
You're doing them right now?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you can do them anywhere.
Try one.
No.
I -- you -- you're not making this easy.
I have to get through all of these --
Do one, and then I'll stop talking.
No.
Do...It.
There. Okay?
Mm-hmm.
I did another one. Now I have a kegel credit.
[ breathes deeply ]
[ sighing ] mm.
Hey, how's it going with megan?
Okay.
But I think we're going with plan "b."
Which is?
Uh, infeld offered his shrink to me --
Some author named dr. Lee.
A shrink author from infeld?
That's gonna end well.
I've got eight pounds of meat.
It's too easy.
So, the guy in the building
Across from the building where the victim fell
Says he heard a thud.
Yeah, the body landed on the street.
Viper, did the victim hit the building
Before hitting the alley?
Viper: No. No way.
Well, that's all he said.
Keep in mind, he grows pot for a living.
It doesn't make any sense.
Viper, let me ask you something --
Why are you not in the superhero world registry?
I'm suspicious of online groups.
My squad and I are strictly off-the-grid.
Wait. Wait a second. You have a squad?
Yes. I formed it,
Along with three other real-life superheroes.
We, uh, have a code of conduct and bylaws --
How we execute an order, neutralize a situation,
Comport ourselves in public.
Okay, this is good.
It is? I don't understand.
Well, it wasn't a decision you made
In the heat of the moment.
No. You were following a structured protocol.
That's true.
You pursue the culprit and maintain visual contact
Until the authorities arrive -- standard operating procedure.
Why? What are you thinking?
That you're a man with a plan.
Viper, we need to meet your fellow heroes
Who keep the city safe.
This is too good.
No way. Let me do the talking.
Yeah, I got news for you -- that's not gonna happen.
Neeb, bagger, ted, these are my lawyers --
Peter bash and jared franklin.
What's up?
How's it looking, fellas?
We come...In peace.
They're not aliens, peter.
Inebrio's on patrol,
So we're gonna have to do this quickly.
Gentlemen, tell them what you do.
I make sure drunk women don't go home with dangerous men
Who might take advantage of them.
Bagger man: I'm bagger man. I patrol store premises
And help customers safely unload their groceries.
Bus ted: Bus ted. I police city buses
And make sure that the elderly and the handicapped aren't harassed.
Guys, we need you to testify in court tomorrow
As character witnesses for viper.
We need to show the protocol
Doesn't promote violence or revenge.
I think I speak for all of us when I say
We'd do anything for viper.
What time? 3:00.
0500.
1500.
1500. 1500.
Guys, one more thing -- no costumes.
It's a uniform.
Right.
Inebrio: Hey!
Step away from the sleaze, young lady!
Hey! [ air horn blows ]
Step away from the sleaze, young lady!
That's awesome.
It's what we do.
A lot of thought and discussion
Went into the crime prevention creed.
We also made a vow
To be on call at all times for justice.
Bagger man, in your experience,
Is viper violent to suspects?
Never. It would violate the creed.
We wrote it ourselves.
Actually, we drew inspiration from other source material.
Mr. Piper, can you tell us where you got your inspiration
When writing the "league of the greater northeast
"los angeles real-life superheroes
Code of conduct and honor"?
It's from the neighborhood watch group of encino.
A standard neighborhood crime-prevention organization,
Yeah?
Yes, sir.
No more questions.
[ sighs ]
Mr. Piper, can you please read aloud to the court
The last rule on your league's code of conduct and honor?
Certainly. "be intolerant of injustice."
And, I -- I'm sorry.
This is probably my fault, but can you tell me
Where that is in the encino neighborhood watch manual?
We amended it.
Okay. Can you just explain what you meant?
We refuse to accept injustice.
Gosh. How do you do that?
We make sure justice is done.
So, you're judge, jury, and executioner?
Objection. Argumentative.
Sustained.
Isn't meting out justice
The job of the man in the black robe to your right
Or the 12 members of the justice league to your left?
Well, of course it is.
But with all due respect to this important institution,
Sometimes --
Sometimes there are exceptions?
Yes.
So, is one of those exceptions
The man who fell to his death, paul winstead?
Objection! Argumentative! Objection! Argumentative!
Janie: Withdrawn.
I can understand why mr. Piper
Wouldn't want to answer that question.
Gag her! Counsel!
+
Carmen: Pindar?
In here.
Look who stopped by to see you.
Megan?
I -- I do remember you. You wore clogs.
I'm gonna leave you two to catch up.
Hi. Hi.
Nothing is more deadly than a woman in a flowery sweater.
Thank you. [ chuckles ]
No, I'm serious. Flowery sweaters are a bad omen.
I want to do more than just help you, pindar.
I want to fix you.
[ chuckles ]
Would you like to have lunch?
Yeah.
Like regular people.
Winstead: What the hell is this?
Are you kidding me right now?
I was only here for five minutes!
Piper! You suck!
How about getting a real job?
Take this and shove it up your ass! You're useless!
Sir! I recommend that you do not threaten me.
We got this footage about 20 minutes ago.
It was taken from mr. Piper's patrol car last week,
And it establishes intent.
It establishes what we already know --
That tensions run high during traffic citations -- that's it.
Your honor, are we to believe the prosecution
Just came into possession of this tape 20 minutes ago?
Really?
Knowingly hiding evidence is a felony.
Are you accusing me of a felony?
No. Yes.
Your honor, in light of this new evidence,
We believe the defendant targeted the victim,
And so we'd like to amend the charges according to proof.
We are charging the defendant with murder.
No. Your honor, the d.A. Chose what charges to file.
Yeah. She was distracted by other events in her life.
Are you referring to thailand?
Thailand? Did you tweet about it?
It was an honest mistake. It can happen to anyone.
Look, bottom line is, this is a manslaughter case.
We've prepared for a manslaughter case.
She can't, in the middle of a trial, just decide that --
According to section 17b in the penal code, she can.
Judge: Motion is granted.
Murder charge is added. Bail is remanded.
Kapow.
You're so loyal to this café.
I like that about you.
I was a little freaked out
When you first explained your situation,
But it got me thinking
About how the world can bring two people together
After a decade.
Your hands are soft and cool to the touch.
Thank you.
Yours are scratchy.
But very, very clean.
[ chuckles ]
Don't be nervous. You're with me.
I don't deserve you.
Pindar, now that you've told me
All about your phobias and your anxiety,
I think I can fix you.
I can come to your house every day
And take you on field trips.
I am the luckiest o.C.D. Agoraphobe
With severe and chronic anxiety in the world.
I'll have one pancake. You know you're not supposed to be here.
I was hungry. You're violating your restraining order.
I had to see you. I don't feel as lucky anymore.
I'll call the police. I like your new haircut.
Did you -- did you get that to impress a new girlfriend?
Get out, okay? Just get out.
We should go.
Yeah. Yeah.
♪ she's not just a plaything ♪
This is as far as I can go.
There's an open trash receptacle over there.
We're fine here.
I just can't be within 500 feet of him.
This is only about 250 feet, so --
What's wrong with me?
Well, maybe you want to solve other people's problems
Because your own seem too daunting?
Do you hoard?
Men, maybe.
I've been married twice.
Also, I've slept with a lot of guys.
A lot? A lot of guys.
Like, what's that?
I think I have low self-esteem.
My boss's boss is kind of like the wizard of oz,
And he has a doctor who's gonna help me.
Really?
Maybe he could help you, too?
Okay.
We went to bat for you.
You have to tell us everything.
It had nothing to do with the outcome.
It could determine the outcome of this trial.
There were two people with bad blood between them.
One came down alive.
And one of them wears a mask and a cape
And refers to his alter ego in the third person -- that's you.
Peter: Viper, we can't afford any more surprises.
You have to walk us through
Your relationship with the purse snatcher.
He was a troublemaker! All right?
And most of my student interactions
End up in conflicts.
Okay. How many in a week?
I hand out parking tickets.
On a typical day,
I nearly come to blows with four or five students,
Most of them female.
Women are generally more strident
After receiving a parking citation.
Contrary to what you two might think,
Not everyone has what it takes
To be a parking-enforcement officer,
All right?
Jared: You know what we should have done?
Wheeler motion. Wheeler motion.
Oh, great. Oh, this just keeps getting better.
Hey. Hi!
What's up?
Just talking to your mom.
She wants to know if I've ever killed anyone.
In the line of duty, of course.
Have you?
Oh, wendy claims that she hasn't,
But it just may be too soon for her to talk about it.
No, it's just because
I haven't used my firearm yet in the field.
Aw. Well, you know, all in good time.
Colleen, what do you say we hit the jacuzzi? Peter: Whoa!
I mean what do you say we make
Some of your famous brownies?
Great idea.
There we go.
[ sighs ] I'm sorry about this.
[ sighs ] we're grown-ups.
We've shut the door.
We can do what we want.
Not really how I envisioned this part.
Mm.
I've got to get her out of here.
How's the viper case?
Oh, no, no. Please.
Don't kill the mood.
We're getting pummeled.
You know what I do when I get stuck on a case?
Eat a jelly doughnut and plant evidence?
[ laughs ]
I slow my roll.
First, do you believe he's innocent?
I don't know.
I mean, he honestly thinks he's making the city safer.
How can you not love a guy who thinks
He can leap a tall building in a single bound?
Except he can't.
Yeah.
I guess.
What's wrong?
Nothing. Nothing.
Mmm.
You need to talk to jared.
I'm sorry.
I promise this will happen.
Mwah.
[ sighs ]
So, this is right above the stoner's apartment.
Maybe the victim wasn't the only one who flew off that building.
You think viper did?
Yeah. I think he jumped off that building,
Landed on this roof,
And that was the thud that the stoner heard.
Is that viper's cape?
Let me call it in and make it admissible.
Why would he be on this roof if the victim was on that one?
This didn't go down the way viper said.
We need to have a heart-to-heart with out superhero.
+
[ sighs ]
Last time. [ file thuds ]
Jared: What really happened up on that roof?
I couldn't have been more clear.
That's my story.
Okay. Your story could send you to prison.
We also have a pretty tough case on our hands.
You admitted you tried to vanquish him,
So now they've got you on intent.
Viper, we're gonna put you on the stand again.
What for?
To tell your story.
Very well.
Dude, why'd you stop me? We have proof of what happened.
We don't have proof that supports his version.
I know. That's why we have to prove that viper's human.
You're gonna break his heart, aren't you?
Yep.
The original 1904 property deed
Guarantees that egress and water rights
Established by homeowners for cattle and horses
Be honored by subsequent homeowners.
I can't believe you're dusting off
A 100-year-old farming provision.
Well, we'll do whatever it takes to get my house back.
Glenn, we're just following the law.
Besides, with seven grass-fed jersey cows
Moving across the yard every morning
And every afternoon,
You won't have to hire landscapers.
[ chuckling ] what?
No one's had cattle in encino in 80 years.
I don't know about that,
But colleen's former neighbor, abe vroman,
Says he talked to colleen about it.
And now he just wants to exercise his rights.
It's rough timing.
You can't do this.
Abe's made a written request
That you honor his bovine passage rights
That colleen extended to him.
You can get validated in the front.
You did it.
I think I did.
[ sighs ]
Peter.
After a long, wine-filled dinner in the palisades,
Colleen and I figured out how to get her house back.
Yeah. Yeah, it's --
Glenn friedman just called and voided the sale.
So, seriously, thank you.
Oh, all in a day... And a night's work.
Can I ask you something?
[ chuckling ] is it true that you wet the bed until you were 11?
Okay. You don't have to talk to them on game day.
Stop it.
F.D.R. Was a bedwetter.
F.D.R. Had polio.
Oh. My bad.
Mr, piper, wasn't the victim 20 pounds heavier than you
And 3 inches taller than you?
That's correct.
And yet you chased after him
When he stole that woman's purse.
Yeah, I did.
Why?
Because he committed a crime,
And I didn't want him to do it again.
You're a brave man. Thank you.
Objection! Withdrawn.
Mr. Piper, can you fly?
Excuse me?
You know. Whew! Can you fly?
No. I never said I could fly.
Your honor, we'd like to enter into evidence exhibit "b."
It's a piece of viper's cape that has torn off.
We found this piece of fabric
On the building immediately adjacent to the west hall,
Where the confrontation occurred.
[ clears throat ]
Now, mr. Piper, you say you can't fly.
Can you run -- fast?
Yes, I can.
And on that night,
Did you not courageously chase down the victim
Up five stories,
Corner him on the rooftop,
Ready to fight him if he didn't turn himself in?
Yes, I did.
But he didn't turn himself in, did he?
In fact, he came after you.
What are you doing?
And when you realized this bigger, stronger, taller,
And dangerous man was coming after you,
Didn't you try to flee?
[ scoffs ]
Mr. Piper, weren't you so terrified
Of this convicted criminal
That you launched yourself to the opposite building
Rather than fight him?
Yes.
Didn't the victim do the same thing --
Try to jump to the next building?
Yes.
Did he make it to the other side?
No.
He fell to his death chasing after you, didn't he?
Yes, he did.
No more questions.
+
Hi. Hi.
Well, according to raven viper's testimony
And the cape evidence
And the eye-witness account from the pot grower,
My office has agreed to drop the charges.
You know, you could have just told us the truth.
Our client wouldn't cooperate.
And why do it the easy way?
Yeah.
You know, they do weddings in vegas.
Uh...It's permanently off the docket.
I think I exhausted even myself this last time around.
Oh. Sorry, janie.
Yeah, me too.
You know, colleen called it a long time ago.
So, you're saying there's a chan-- no.
I wouldn't 'cause you already did.
But I could. But I wouldn't.
But I could.
Listen, I would trust dr. Lee with my life.
He's brilliant -- always open to new techniques.
You and your lady friend will really love him.
He's not into leeches or...
Pindar, who are we to judge?
Whatever method you engage in,
I predict that you will overcome your aulophobia in no time.
What's -- what's aulophobia?
Fear of flutes.
No, that's not what I have. I --
Aulophobia is nothing to be ashamed of.
Sir james galway himself suffered from it... Mr. Infeld --
...For a brief time.
M-mr. Infeld?
You'll understand the irony, I'm sure.
But that's not -- I have agoraphobia.
Agoraphobia.
[ chuckles ] sure you do.
Look, I have absolute faith in your therapeutic journey.
Agoraphobia. [ key clacks ]
Hello?
You're a free man, vipe.
Thank you.
From now on, I think it's gonna be steven piper.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna prevent crime before it happens.
Hmm.
Yes. Like a precog.
Yeah.
I'm gonna take up a post outside the public library
And escort people to their legally parked cars.
Can't help being a superhero.
I like that.
I've got to go.
The meter's running.
We kick ass. We do.
We're kind of like superheroes ourselves.
We are.
Okay, if you could pick any superpower.
I've gone on record. You know my --
No, it cannot be used for personal gain.
Then it's not any superpower.
I'll take laser beams out of my eyes.
'cause that hasn't been done in every superhero movie.
You were the one who said I cannot be gold magnet.
Gold magnet is stupid.
Gold magnet is awesome.
Okay, I could walk by any bank, fort knox --
Plink, plink, plink, plink, plink, plink! Everything.
There's too many holes in it. Gold magnet is lame.
There's no holes in it. What are you talking about?
Gold magnet is rich. Gold is heavy. Yeah, it is.
How you gonna walk? You're gonna help me.
I'm not gonna help you.
You are. You're gonna be my gold sherpa.
There he is. The future attorney general.
And peter.
Oh.
You don't look pigeon-toed at all, sweetie.
Sort of not a problem anymore, mom.
For you, maybe.
Honey, I'm gonna hit the road.
Jared. Colleen.
Thank you for another wonderful visit.
Oh, you know how I feel about you.
We should just cut you a key right now.
Ha!
Thank you for fixing everything.
Probably should thank karp.
I'll try to work on those "boundary" issues.
I love you, sweetie.
I love you, mom.
[ door closes ] wendy: Hi.
Jared: Whoa, someone called the cops.
Uh, you texted me.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
You said you were all alone now
And wanted me to come over wearing a skirt -- commando.
I know. Boundaries.
Be adventurous.
Your mom sent you a booty call.
She did, didn't she?
[ door closes ]
The question is,
What are you gonna do about it?
[ rock music plays ]
[ laughs ]
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