1
00:00:10,069 --> 00:00:14,215
- Woodhouse, you you sneaky old fiend...
- Happy birthday, sir!
2
00:00:14,335 --> 00:00:15,701
Thanks, Woodhouse.
3
00:00:15,703 --> 00:00:17,669
This is amazing, seriously,
you outdid yourself.
4
00:00:17,671 --> 00:00:19,658
That's not all, sir!
5
00:00:22,082 --> 00:00:25,012
I, er... sorry about that.
6
00:00:25,014 --> 00:00:26,480
It's okay, I'll just
wait here while you go
7
00:00:26,482 --> 00:00:29,015
make me a whole new birthday
breakfast not covered in garbage.
8
00:00:29,017 --> 00:00:32,654
It's not garbage sir, it's--
Scraps of paper, Woodhouse,
9
00:00:32,656 --> 00:00:35,223
which by any definition,
yes, is garbage.
10
00:00:35,225 --> 00:00:38,728
Afraid I don't have the
ingredients to recreate this
11
00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:40,363
exact breakfast, sir.
12
00:00:40,365 --> 00:00:43,334
Ugh, okay then, uh...
Nutella waffles.
13
00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:45,436
- Mmmm...
- Damn it.
14
00:00:45,438 --> 00:00:46,738
Nutella steak-and-eggs?
15
00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:48,641
Today's my shopping day.
16
00:00:48,643 --> 00:00:52,278
Why do you even bother...living.
17
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,147
No time to talk, Popeye.
18
00:00:54,149 --> 00:00:55,983
It's my birthdayyy.
19
00:00:55,985 --> 00:00:57,517
Were you going to say Happy Birthday?
20
00:00:57,519 --> 00:00:58,185
Don't bother.
21
00:00:58,187 --> 00:01:00,754
Happy Birthday to me.
22
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:03,491
Hmm-Mmm.
23
00:01:03,493 --> 00:01:06,894
I wonder what the guys in the
office have planned for my birthday.
24
00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:11,465
Wonder if Fudgie the Whale
will be there or Cookie Puss.
25
00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:12,533
Cookie Puss.
26
00:01:12,535 --> 00:01:16,837
Those guys at Carvel
know what they're doing.
27
00:01:16,839 --> 00:01:18,306
Paging Dr. Boy!
28
00:01:18,308 --> 00:01:20,908
Dr. Birthday Boy!
29
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,850
Ahem.
30
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,725
So, what're you ladies up to?
31
00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:36,627
Cleaning out
the stupid file room.
32
00:01:36,629 --> 00:01:37,094
Oh yeah?
33
00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:38,962
Any particular reason?
34
00:01:38,964 --> 00:01:40,531
It's full of shit?
35
00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,566
Speaking of, is that Archer?
36
00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:47,738
Yes, but I have to warn you...
I don't like... surprises?
37
00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:50,174
Or doing your share
of work apparently.
38
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:50,774
Who likes that?
39
00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:53,243
You'd better start, because
a lot of this junk is yours.
40
00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:54,411
Now get to work.
41
00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:55,746
Are you serious?
44
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:02,153
Because here's nothing special
about today whatsoever, Mother!
45
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:05,558
- Oh, I wouldn't say that...
I -- wait, really?
46
00:02:06,261 --> 00:02:08,394
Yes, it's the
quarterly fire drill.
47
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:09,762
Let's go, people!
48
00:02:09,764 --> 00:02:11,698
Get the lead out!
49
00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:15,436
- Ferris Bueller you're my heeero...
- Shut up.
50
00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:18,005
Hang on, does nobody seriously
know what today is?!
51
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:18,639
Tuesday?
52
00:02:18,641 --> 00:02:19,273
The Rapture?
53
00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:20,441
Come on, people.
54
00:02:20,443 --> 00:02:21,409
Look alive.
55
00:02:21,411 --> 00:02:24,212
I never remember it taking so long.
56
00:02:24,214 --> 00:02:26,714
Well maybe that's because
you never remember anything!
57
00:02:26,716 --> 00:02:28,516
So -- Oh my God!
58
00:02:28,518 --> 00:02:31,630
Surpriiise!
59
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:34,465
I -- is that -- what -- Mother...?
60
00:02:34,585 --> 00:02:36,590
Happy birthday, dear.
61
00:02:39,762 --> 00:02:41,629
Ow!
62
00:02:41,631 --> 00:02:42,705
I think.
63
00:03:20,585 --> 00:03:23,788
I can feel it.
64
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:28,060
I can feel your power.
65
00:03:28,062 --> 00:03:29,261
What's that?
66
00:03:29,263 --> 00:03:30,829
You want me inside you?
67
00:03:30,831 --> 00:03:32,464
Sterling.
68
00:03:32,466 --> 00:03:33,265
You know my name?
69
00:03:33,267 --> 00:03:34,300
Sterling!
70
00:03:34,302 --> 00:03:34,700
Hm?
71
00:03:34,702 --> 00:03:36,235
Oh, sorry.
72
00:03:36,237 --> 00:03:37,537
I believe a "thank you"
73
00:03:37,539 --> 00:03:38,638
is in order.
74
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,374
Mother, oh my
God, yes, thank you!
75
00:03:41,376 --> 00:03:45,211
And not just - well, mostly me,
of course, but Dr. Krieger helped too.
76
00:03:45,213 --> 00:03:49,281
Well, only if by "helped" you mean...
77
00:03:49,283 --> 00:03:53,352
Oversaw the design the world's
most insanely kickass spy car.
78
00:03:53,354 --> 00:03:54,753
It's a spy car?
79
00:03:54,755 --> 00:03:55,988
Lana?
80
00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:56,755
Wh-?
81
00:03:56,757 --> 00:03:57,756
Lana, noooooooooo!
82
00:03:59,393 --> 00:04:02,094
Gagh!
83
00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:03,029
Holy shit!
84
00:04:03,031 --> 00:04:05,298
Yeah, I'm like a magnet.
85
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,199
Brett, shut up.
86
00:04:06,201 --> 00:04:07,500
What else does it do?
87
00:04:07,502 --> 00:04:09,135
Press that red button?
88
00:04:09,137 --> 00:04:11,805
I -- wait, is it
gonna kill everybody?
89
00:04:11,807 --> 00:04:13,374
Press that blue button?
90
00:04:13,376 --> 00:04:16,411
- Welcome, Mr. Archer...
- It does know my name!
91
00:04:16,413 --> 00:04:20,516
To the Dodge Challenger Special
Agent Edition, brought to you by Dodge.
92
00:04:20,518 --> 00:04:21,217
Thanks, Dodge!
93
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:25,288
Featuring a 440 V8 engine,
six speed manual transmission,
94
00:04:25,290 --> 00:04:27,690
and a top speed of 185.
95
00:04:27,692 --> 00:04:28,924
Heavy-duty suspension.
96
00:04:28,926 --> 00:04:30,226
Runflat tires.
97
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,729
Bulletproof body panels and windows.
98
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,965
Twin thirty-cal machine guns
mounted in the front...
99
00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:40,436
antipursuit countermeasures
in the rear.
100
00:04:40,438 --> 00:04:42,938
It makes the
Mach-5 look like a vagina!
101
00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:47,243
The interior boasts mil-spec
GPS, satellite communications,
102
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:51,448
hi-fi stereo, rich Corinthian leather...
- Corinth is famous for
103
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:52,048
its leather!
104
00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:55,986
- And of course...
- Aaaaaaaaagh!
105
00:04:55,988 --> 00:04:58,289
The in-dash bar is to be stocked
with non-alcoholic beverages only.
106
00:04:58,291 --> 00:04:59,023
Dodge cannot stress this enough.
107
00:04:59,025 --> 00:05:00,725
Never ever ever drink and drive.
108
00:05:00,727 --> 00:05:03,594
Now Sterling, listen to me.
109
00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:06,129
- It's like seeing the face of God...
- Sterling!
110
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:06,563
What?
111
00:05:06,565 --> 00:05:10,467
This car cost me a lot of money,
so you have to take proper care of it.
112
00:05:10,469 --> 00:05:10,934
I will!
113
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:12,569
And if you crash it --
I won't!
114
00:05:12,571 --> 00:05:15,973
Or God forbid, if you get it stolen--
I won't!
115
00:05:15,975 --> 00:05:18,241
You won't ever get another one.
116
00:05:18,243 --> 00:05:22,379
Mother I promise, I'll take
the best care of it of anything ever.
117
00:05:22,381 --> 00:05:23,446
You'd better.
118
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,213
Well c'mon!
119
00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:25,415
Give your mom a hug!
120
00:05:25,417 --> 00:05:29,419
Oh, no, I don't think that's really--
Possible.
121
00:05:29,421 --> 00:05:30,220
At all.
122
00:05:30,222 --> 00:05:30,754
Why not?
123
00:05:30,756 --> 00:05:32,722
- Um...
- Ugh, he's got an erection.
124
00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:34,924
Murmuring.
125
00:05:34,926 --> 00:05:37,461
Sorry, it's this
Corinthian leather.
126
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:39,396
In my new Dodge Challengerrrrrrr!
127
00:05:43,703 --> 00:05:50,308
Forgot to close the bar.
128
00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:54,446
In my new Dodge Challengerrrrrrr!
129
00:05:54,448 --> 00:05:57,249
Wow, so how much
did Dodge kick in?
130
00:05:57,251 --> 00:06:01,687
Not as much as you'd think.
131
00:06:01,689 --> 00:06:04,857
So, I hope this doesn't sound weird...
But I kinda wanna have
132
00:06:04,859 --> 00:06:05,524
sex with you.
133
00:06:05,526 --> 00:06:08,026
Is that alright?
134
00:06:08,028 --> 00:06:08,360
Ugh!
135
00:06:08,362 --> 00:06:09,428
Seriously Dodge?
136
00:06:09,430 --> 00:06:10,596
Apple juice?
137
00:06:10,598 --> 00:06:14,666
Not you the car, obviously, but
you the blonde genie-woman
138
00:06:14,668 --> 00:06:17,002
who lives inside you that talks.
139
00:06:17,004 --> 00:06:19,438
So, what do I call you?
140
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:19,905
Hello?
141
00:06:19,907 --> 00:06:22,841
Jeannie, it's me, master.
142
00:06:22,843 --> 00:06:25,777
I -- wait a minute, was that
just a lame pre-recorded video?
143
00:06:25,779 --> 00:06:27,646
Or are you pouting for some reason?
144
00:06:28,549 --> 00:06:33,386
Fine, then pout!
145
00:06:33,388 --> 00:06:36,756
But that totally wasn't my fault...
You shouldn't even be
146
00:06:36,758 --> 00:06:39,992
able to put the car in
gear with the bar open!
147
00:06:39,994 --> 00:06:45,364
Besides the danger of drunk driving...
It's obviously a huge design flaw!
148
00:06:45,366 --> 00:06:48,067
Which is why now you're all sticky!
149
00:06:48,069 --> 00:06:49,935
Which, sorry for that.
150
00:06:49,937 --> 00:06:54,773
Once we get you parked I'll clean you up
and wipe you down with a fine chamois.
151
00:06:54,775 --> 00:06:58,543
And also quit talking to you,
because now I'm pretty sure that
152
00:06:58,545 --> 00:07:01,580
was just a recording.
153
00:07:01,582 --> 00:07:04,250
I mean... it was, right?
154
00:07:04,252 --> 00:07:07,120
Whatever, either way I'm done talking.
155
00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:09,823
Oh, come on, it's full?
156
00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:12,326
Damn it, guess I'll have
to park on the street.
157
00:07:12,328 --> 00:07:16,664
if you get it stolen...
you won't ever get another one.
158
00:07:17,466 --> 00:07:19,633
I heard you, Mother!
159
00:07:19,635 --> 00:07:27,608
- Somehow...
- Uh, duh duh duh duh duh... ooo!
160
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:30,210
Hiya, neighbor!
161
00:07:36,585 --> 00:07:39,352
The grappling hook
detaches from my end?
162
00:07:39,354 --> 00:07:42,255
Way to think it through, Dodge.
163
00:07:42,257 --> 00:07:44,624
So, clean all the broken
glass and the sticky apple juice,
164
00:07:44,626 --> 00:07:48,495
then I need all new glassware,
some real liquor... Uh... oh!
165
00:07:48,497 --> 00:07:50,264
There's a grappling hook
in the street, get that,
166
00:07:50,266 --> 00:07:52,166
and then find out where
to buy caltrops.
167
00:07:52,168 --> 00:07:53,234
Caltrops?
168
00:07:53,236 --> 00:07:54,702
Yeah, caltrops.
169
00:07:54,704 --> 00:07:56,003
Try, maybe...
170
00:07:56,005 --> 00:07:58,239
"area denial weapons dot com."
171
00:07:58,241 --> 00:08:01,209
Very good, sir.
172
00:08:02,279 --> 00:08:05,480
Oh, did you decide
to start talking to me?
173
00:08:05,482 --> 00:08:08,383
Nothing, Woodhouse, what do you want?
174
00:08:08,385 --> 00:08:10,285
Ugh, it's black?
175
00:08:10,287 --> 00:08:11,253
Powerful?
176
00:08:11,255 --> 00:08:12,086
Sexy?
177
00:08:12,088 --> 00:08:15,256
Like if Ron O'Neal was a car?
178
00:08:15,258 --> 00:08:17,191
What?
179
00:08:17,193 --> 00:08:24,297
No... No, no, no, no...
Noooooooo!
180
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,719
- No, no, no, no...
- Sir?
181
00:08:31,839 --> 00:08:35,046
- What are you --
- I thought, maybe she had some sort of,
182
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,740
cloak, cloaking de-hi-hiiice!
183
00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:39,775
- No, then I'd be standing in it...
- You!
184
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:41,165
What'd you do with Jeannie?
185
00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:42,066
Steady on, sir!
186
00:08:42,068 --> 00:08:44,702
I swear to God I'll
scoop out whatever organs you
187
00:08:44,704 --> 00:08:47,705
have left and aaaaaghhh!
188
00:08:47,707 --> 00:08:50,908
Sorry sir, you
were going all Bilboey.
189
00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:52,176
I'm sorry.
190
00:08:52,178 --> 00:08:53,080
Woodhouse.
191
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,478
Can I see that can for a sec?
192
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,412
No, sir!
193
00:08:55,414 --> 00:08:59,650
I just wanted to read the warning
label about in case of eye contact!
194
00:08:59,652 --> 00:09:03,720
You did not, you were
going to spray me in the eyes!
195
00:09:03,722 --> 00:09:05,656
I totally was.
196
00:09:05,658 --> 00:09:08,726
Oh my God, okay, I gotta think...
Would you stop?
197
00:09:08,728 --> 00:09:10,262
They look pretty bad, sir.
198
00:09:10,264 --> 00:09:10,729
Really?
199
00:09:10,731 --> 00:09:13,198
Because they feel great!
200
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,666
Okay, so obviously Jeannie was stolen.
201
00:09:14,668 --> 00:09:17,002
And who steals cars, Woodhouse?
202
00:09:17,004 --> 00:09:19,405
Jippos.
203
00:09:19,407 --> 00:09:20,540
Car thieves.
204
00:09:20,542 --> 00:09:24,577
And this was obviously a ring
of very high-end car thieves.
205
00:09:24,579 --> 00:09:27,680
So now I have to go undercover
in the high-end car-thief...
206
00:09:27,682 --> 00:09:30,283
whatever, underworld,
and steal Jeannie back!
207
00:09:30,285 --> 00:09:33,218
Sounds dangerous, sir.
208
00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:36,255
Not nearly as dangerous as Mother
finding out I lost my birthday present.
209
00:09:38,759 --> 00:09:39,858
Sterling.
210
00:09:39,860 --> 00:09:41,126
Y-yes, Mother?
211
00:09:41,128 --> 00:09:42,927
Where is your new bicycle?
212
00:09:45,198 --> 00:09:49,001
- That's what I thought...
- And you let her do it.
213
00:09:49,003 --> 00:09:51,370
- I --
- I'm kidding, you couldn't have stopped her,
214
00:09:51,372 --> 00:09:53,806
she would've snapped your spine.
215
00:09:53,808 --> 00:09:56,810
You are just... tiny.
216
00:09:56,812 --> 00:09:57,678
Lana!
217
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,979
Whaddya know, whaddya say?
218
00:09:58,981 --> 00:10:05,386
I know you're about to ask me for
a favor, and I say, wait for it...
219
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:07,188
I --
Wait?
220
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,456
Was that even a twist-off?
221
00:10:08,458 --> 00:10:08,957
No.
222
00:10:08,959 --> 00:10:09,424
Yikes.
223
00:10:09,426 --> 00:10:10,158
Is my answer.
224
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:10,825
To your favor.
225
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:14,329
No matter what it is, the answer is no.
226
00:10:14,331 --> 00:10:16,131
Somebody stole my birthday car.
227
00:10:16,133 --> 00:10:21,203
Okay, I'm gonna drink some of this,
and then do a huge spit take on you.
228
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,471
What the shit, Lana?
229
00:10:22,473 --> 00:10:24,406
I told you I was gonna do it.
230
00:10:24,408 --> 00:10:26,676
Right, sorry,
guess I'm a bad listener.
231
00:10:26,678 --> 00:10:27,410
Obviously!
232
00:10:27,412 --> 00:10:30,746
Malory told you not to let
that stupid car get stolen!
233
00:10:30,748 --> 00:10:32,949
Thank you,
world's loudest voice!
234
00:10:32,951 --> 00:10:35,685
Now shut up, because -- for reasons
that don't bear going into,
235
00:10:35,687 --> 00:10:37,620
I have to get it back
before Mother finds out!
236
00:10:37,622 --> 00:10:39,722
Ugh, okay, I'll help you.
237
00:10:39,724 --> 00:10:42,092
To do...wait, what am I helping you do?
238
00:10:42,094 --> 00:10:43,960
Infiltrate whatever
criminal outfit steals the
239
00:10:43,962 --> 00:10:45,461
hottest cars in the city.
240
00:10:45,463 --> 00:10:48,531
- That would be the Yakuza...
Wh-?
241
00:10:49,434 --> 00:10:53,703
And man, against those pinkieless
bastards, you had better come correct.
242
00:10:53,705 --> 00:10:55,605
And you know this how?
243
00:10:55,607 --> 00:11:00,243
Exactly?
244
00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:03,246
Moshiwake arimasen.
245
00:11:03,248 --> 00:11:04,014
Homies.
246
00:11:04,016 --> 00:11:07,717
Hang on hang on,
you race drift cars?
247
00:11:07,719 --> 00:11:08,318
Crappily.
248
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,921
Oh for -- is
anybody not in here?
249
00:11:11,923 --> 00:11:13,056
I'm not crappy, I just started!
250
00:11:13,058 --> 00:11:14,824
Shut up, when's
the next race and we're
251
00:11:14,826 --> 00:11:16,626
gonna pose as your pit crew.
252
00:11:16,628 --> 00:11:19,396
I -- it's tonight, and I dunno,
253
00:11:19,398 --> 00:11:22,799
if the Yakuza finds out you're
snoopin around about a hot set of wheels...
254
00:11:22,801 --> 00:11:25,635
Oh don't worry about me, I'm-
Not!
255
00:11:25,637 --> 00:11:27,737
Going on another stupid rampage.
256
00:11:27,739 --> 00:11:29,772
Well...
maybe a limited rampage.
257
00:11:29,774 --> 00:11:30,139
No.
258
00:11:30,141 --> 00:11:32,541
Modified limited rampage.
259
00:11:32,543 --> 00:11:34,043
Archer-
Don't worry about my methods!
260
00:11:34,045 --> 00:11:37,046
The important thing is that nobody tells-
261
00:11:37,048 --> 00:11:37,846
Motherrr!
262
00:11:37,848 --> 00:11:39,281
Tell me what.
263
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:40,816
What?
264
00:11:40,818 --> 00:11:41,383
What.
265
00:11:41,385 --> 00:11:44,319
What're we doing, I
shouldn't be in here, and...
266
00:11:44,321 --> 00:11:45,353
neither should you Pam!
267
00:11:45,355 --> 00:11:47,122
Why aren't you
out in your new car?
268
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,492
Because...
Woodhouse is detailing it,
269
00:11:49,494 --> 00:11:53,897
because that's the high level of care...
that I'm taking of it.
270
00:11:53,899 --> 00:11:58,301
You better be.
271
00:11:58,303 --> 00:11:59,737
Wow, dodged a
bullet there, huh?
272
00:11:59,739 --> 00:12:00,437
Figuratively.
273
00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:03,207
And you better hope we don't
have to dodge any literally.
274
00:12:03,209 --> 00:12:10,348
Well, obviously I hope that.
275
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:14,219
I am not super-confident
about this...
276
00:12:14,221 --> 00:12:14,920
Join the club.
277
00:12:14,922 --> 00:12:16,522
And I don't even know why I'm here.
278
00:12:16,524 --> 00:12:17,423
Join that club.
279
00:12:17,425 --> 00:12:19,558
Then shut up and act like you
know what you're doing.
280
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,827
I don't know
anything about cars.
281
00:12:21,829 --> 00:12:24,830
I meant as an
agent, zing, okay Pam,
282
00:12:24,832 --> 00:12:26,999
who's the big cheesy-san around here?
283
00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:30,369
That would be Mr.Moto, he's --
Crapjacks,
284
00:12:30,371 --> 00:12:32,137
he's coming over here!
285
00:12:32,139 --> 00:12:35,440
So, shiro kabocha,
you are back.
286
00:12:35,442 --> 00:12:36,241
Hai, Moto-san.
287
00:12:36,243 --> 00:12:39,845
And again, just...
really sorry about your nephew.
288
00:12:39,847 --> 00:12:41,246
He knew the risk.
289
00:12:41,248 --> 00:12:43,349
But I do not know these people!
290
00:12:43,351 --> 00:12:46,719
Sorry hi, I'm Randy,
crew leader, and --
291
00:12:46,721 --> 00:12:49,121
Why does this
underling speak to me?
292
00:12:49,123 --> 00:12:50,022
Underling?!
293
00:12:50,024 --> 00:12:53,059
Ar -- Randy, don't --
Listen here, Moto!
294
00:12:53,061 --> 00:12:54,427
I --
Kare o bassuru!
295
00:12:58,633 --> 00:13:00,633
Uh --
Right in the head and ass.
296
00:13:00,635 --> 00:13:02,802
Ungh!
297
00:13:02,804 --> 00:13:05,003
Let that be a lesson to you!
298
00:13:05,005 --> 00:13:07,272
Yakuzo!
299
00:13:07,274 --> 00:13:09,174
Aw man, I just totally lost face!
300
00:13:09,176 --> 00:13:10,976
Join that club.
301
00:13:10,978 --> 00:13:13,713
So uh, you rethinking that rampage?
302
00:13:13,715 --> 00:13:16,750
- I am, actually...
- Ew.
303
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:17,183
Gross.
304
00:13:17,185 --> 00:13:18,418
Then can we please
get out of here?
305
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:21,621
Absolutely...
Right after I get my car.
306
00:13:21,623 --> 00:13:22,088
Archer!
307
00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:22,622
Jeezy Petes!
308
00:13:22,624 --> 00:13:25,258
- No wonder it was runnin rough...
- Archer, don't --
309
00:13:26,127 --> 00:13:30,062
Now which one of
you pussies has it?!
310
00:13:30,064 --> 00:13:32,332
So, just a heads up, I'm
starting the rampage now.
311
00:13:32,334 --> 00:13:35,768
No kidding.
312
00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:36,927
No.
313
00:13:40,635 --> 00:13:43,811
- I am so angry at you right now...
- You?
314
00:13:43,931 --> 00:13:45,153
Look at them.
315
00:13:45,155 --> 00:13:46,188
They're furious.
316
00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:48,673
- One question, before you die...
- Shoot.
317
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:49,625
Figuratively!
318
00:13:51,462 --> 00:13:54,996
- My question is this...
- What are you doing?
319
00:13:54,998 --> 00:13:56,130
What nothing!
320
00:13:56,766 --> 00:13:57,398
Uh-huh.
321
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,641
Have you seen Sterling?
322
00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:00,062
Ever?
323
00:14:00,182 --> 00:14:01,435
Tonight, now!
324
00:14:01,437 --> 00:14:04,804
He's supposed to meet me at 21
for his stupid birthday dinner,
325
00:14:04,806 --> 00:14:07,440
but he's not answering his --
Mmmyello?
326
00:14:07,442 --> 00:14:11,945
Mother? Hi, listen, I can't really
talk right now, can I call you back?
327
00:14:11,947 --> 00:14:15,849
Or are you pouting for some-
Oh crap, are you already at 21?
328
00:14:15,851 --> 00:14:20,287
Sorry, I'm running late, so go ahead
and order me four martinis, and --
329
00:14:20,289 --> 00:14:23,724
- Sterling Malory Archer, you
inconsiderate little... - Boom!
330
00:14:23,726 --> 00:14:25,459
Birthday voicemail, Mother!
331
00:14:25,461 --> 00:14:27,061
I got you.
332
00:14:27,063 --> 00:14:31,158
But seriously, I bet I will be late, so
go ahead pull the trigger on those --
333
00:14:31,278 --> 00:14:33,134
Rrgh!
334
00:14:33,136 --> 00:14:36,137
What kind of ass would be late
for his own birthday dinner?
335
00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:39,574
Mmmm, the kind
who'd infiltrate the Yakuza?
336
00:14:39,576 --> 00:14:40,308
What.
337
00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:41,009
Nothing.
338
00:14:41,011 --> 00:14:41,743
What, nothing.
339
00:14:41,745 --> 00:14:42,511
Carol.
340
00:14:42,513 --> 00:14:43,212
Noop.
341
00:14:43,214 --> 00:14:44,213
Answer me.
342
00:14:44,215 --> 00:14:50,218
No, I've said too much
alread -- Jeezowwww!
343
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:51,952
You got another one in ya?
344
00:14:51,954 --> 00:14:52,620
Answer me!
345
00:14:52,622 --> 00:14:55,823
And that, I guess, is
a pretty long answer to why
346
00:14:55,825 --> 00:14:59,360
I'd go on a suicide mission
to get back my birthday car.
347
00:14:59,362 --> 00:15:01,329
Because of a stupid bicycle?!
348
00:15:01,331 --> 00:15:04,832
What part of "five-speed Schwinn
Stingray" are you not getting?!
349
00:15:04,834 --> 00:15:09,637
Are you -- and I'm being
serious here, are you insane?
350
00:15:09,639 --> 00:15:13,006
Mmmmaybe some mild
post-traumatic stress disorder, but --
351
00:15:13,008 --> 00:15:14,574
But he drinks a lot, so--
So yeah,
352
00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:18,578
I think I've got a pretty
good handle on it.
353
00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:21,548
We don't even have your damn car!
354
00:15:21,550 --> 00:15:23,316
We steal drift cars!
355
00:15:23,318 --> 00:15:24,684
Imports only!
356
00:15:24,686 --> 00:15:27,420
Right-hand drive, duh.
357
00:15:27,422 --> 00:15:31,692
Okay, and why,
would I believe you?
358
00:15:31,694 --> 00:15:33,193
Why would I lie?
359
00:15:33,195 --> 00:15:36,529
Either way we're going to kill you!
360
00:15:36,531 --> 00:15:37,297
Oh.
361
00:15:37,299 --> 00:15:37,831
Right.
362
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:39,633
And if they don't, I'm going to.
363
00:15:39,635 --> 00:15:40,033
Wh-?
364
00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:41,268
How is this my fault?
365
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:42,903
This is all my fault!
366
00:15:42,905 --> 00:15:47,441
I should've never gotten him that car,
it's that damn bicycle all over again!
367
00:15:47,443 --> 00:15:49,476
And who the hell taught
you how to drive?
368
00:15:49,478 --> 00:15:52,145
This guy I know, named...
My dead father.
369
00:15:52,147 --> 00:15:54,615
- Oh, I, er...
- Yeah.
370
00:15:54,617 --> 00:15:55,783
Bet you feel like a dick.
371
00:15:58,754 --> 00:16:02,489
No, because look, if this whole
thing is anybody's fault, it's -- Pam!
372
00:16:02,491 --> 00:16:03,290
What're you doing?
373
00:16:03,292 --> 00:16:06,192
What nothing!
374
00:16:06,194 --> 00:16:07,293
Aww, sh -- umpf!
375
00:16:07,295 --> 00:16:15,366
- Dammit...
- Fiiiiiire!
376
00:16:15,368 --> 00:16:16,868
Where are you going?
377
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:18,235
How should I know?
378
00:16:18,237 --> 00:16:23,473
Can't see shit, my car's shot to shit,
and I only had three shitty payments --
379
00:16:23,475 --> 00:16:24,908
Leeeffft!
380
00:16:24,910 --> 00:16:25,275
What?
381
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:28,912
Go left, dumbass!
382
00:16:28,914 --> 00:16:29,613
Kuruma ni!
383
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:33,249
To the cars!
384
00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:33,850
Move!
385
00:16:33,852 --> 00:16:34,884
The damn!
386
00:16:34,886 --> 00:16:35,685
Hood!
387
00:16:35,687 --> 00:16:39,823
- Okay, hang on...-
388
00:16:39,825 --> 00:16:41,291
How's that?
389
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:42,425
Wagh!
390
00:16:42,427 --> 00:16:44,895
- Pam, if you do that again...
- What're ya gonna do,
391
00:16:44,897 --> 00:16:45,762
shoot my car?
392
00:16:45,764 --> 00:16:47,030
Lana's doing it too!
393
00:16:47,032 --> 00:16:50,700
No she's -- God damn it!
394
00:16:50,702 --> 00:16:51,401
Sorry!
395
00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:52,402
Are you?
396
00:16:52,404 --> 00:16:53,803
Cyril here,
make yourself useful!
397
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:56,006
I -- no, ya know what?
398
00:16:56,008 --> 00:16:56,440
No.
399
00:16:56,442 --> 00:16:56,973
What?
400
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:57,441
No!
401
00:16:57,443 --> 00:17:02,645
The way I see it, we're
the bad guys here!
402
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:03,980
They're the Yakuza!
403
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:06,650
Who were minding their own business--
Of white
404
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:08,184
slavery --
Don't qualify it.
405
00:17:08,186 --> 00:17:09,352
and stealing cars!
406
00:17:09,354 --> 00:17:10,554
Not yours!
407
00:17:10,556 --> 00:17:12,622
Well maybe not, but--
But you come in
408
00:17:12,624 --> 00:17:15,792
here, guns blazing, half-cocked
and, probably half-drunk --
409
00:17:15,794 --> 00:17:17,427
It's my birthday!
410
00:17:17,429 --> 00:17:19,729
Well happy freakin birthday!
411
00:17:19,731 --> 00:17:20,229
Thank you.
412
00:17:20,231 --> 00:17:23,032
Finally somebody
acknowledges my birthday.
413
00:17:23,034 --> 00:17:24,833
Shut up, because
now we're gonna die!
414
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:36,412
Not if shiro kabocha can help it...
415
00:17:36,414 --> 00:17:39,514
Whoa! Pam, you're actually
pretty bad-ass at this.
416
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:39,881
Duh!
417
00:17:39,883 --> 00:17:42,050
Why d'ya think they
call me shiro kabocha?
418
00:17:42,052 --> 00:17:43,851
Yeah what does
that mean, anyway?
419
00:17:43,853 --> 00:17:49,690
- The white shadow...
- No it doesn't!
420
00:17:49,692 --> 00:17:52,126
It means white pumpkin!
421
00:17:52,128 --> 00:17:52,493
Wh-?!
422
00:17:52,495 --> 00:17:53,995
- Aww, honey...
- Oh yeah?!
423
00:17:53,997 --> 00:17:55,830
Well I gotcher pumpkin hangin!
424
00:17:55,832 --> 00:17:57,832
Ew.
425
00:18:03,097 --> 00:18:05,665
Ya used-panty-vending
sonsabitches!
426
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:06,833
Shiro kabocha!
427
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:07,901
This is not over!
428
00:18:07,903 --> 00:18:09,870
Yeah, we'll see about that.
429
00:18:09,872 --> 00:18:10,637
Gun, gimme.
430
00:18:10,639 --> 00:18:13,040
No, honey, let's just --
Shut up, gimme the gun.
431
00:18:13,042 --> 00:18:13,507
No.
432
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:14,375
Give it!
433
00:18:14,377 --> 00:18:14,775
No!
434
00:18:14,777 --> 00:18:15,409
You're agitated!
435
00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:18,780
No shit I'm agitated,
look at my car!
436
00:18:18,782 --> 00:18:20,048
At least you have one!
437
00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:23,118
And thanks to you we wasted all
night dicking around with the
438
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,787
Yakuza, and I still don't
know who stole my frickin-
439
00:18:26,923 --> 00:18:27,422
Motherrr!
440
00:18:27,424 --> 00:18:29,523
Sterling Malory Archer...!
441
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,691
I, uh, what're you doing here,
442
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:32,893
did you not hear my outgoing voicemail?
443
00:18:32,895 --> 00:18:36,062
Did you not hear me tell
you not to let your brand-new
444
00:18:36,064 --> 00:18:36,662
car get stolen?
445
00:18:36,664 --> 00:18:38,330
Thanks a lot, blabbermouth!
446
00:18:38,332 --> 00:18:40,299
She beat it out of me!
447
00:18:41,435 --> 00:18:42,467
Stop it!
448
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:44,702
But nooo, you didn't listen to me.
449
00:18:44,704 --> 00:18:45,937
And then you lied to me.
450
00:18:45,939 --> 00:18:48,706
And then you almost got
everyone killed, and --
451
00:18:48,708 --> 00:18:50,308
Almost nothing!
452
00:18:50,310 --> 00:18:53,411
I'll kill you all right now!
453
00:18:53,413 --> 00:18:54,346
Do you mind?
454
00:18:54,348 --> 00:18:55,914
I'm trying to parent!
455
00:18:56,850 --> 00:18:59,117
Wagh!
456
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:00,451
That was for Pearl Harbor!
457
00:19:00,453 --> 00:19:01,920
Now where was I?
458
00:19:01,922 --> 00:19:04,055
Oh yes, and all because
you're irresponsible!
459
00:19:04,057 --> 00:19:06,524
No I'm -- well,
not with the car...
460
00:19:06,526 --> 00:19:09,394
Are you -- Sterling,
you left it unlocked in an
461
00:19:09,396 --> 00:19:11,629
unattended garage!
462
00:19:11,631 --> 00:19:14,365
- I don't, um...
- She took it.
463
00:19:14,367 --> 00:19:14,799
What?!
464
00:19:14,801 --> 00:19:17,268
Well, not me personally, I --
Why?
465
00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:18,436
Would you... do that?
466
00:19:18,438 --> 00:19:19,337
To teach you a lesson!
467
00:19:19,339 --> 00:19:20,238
About what?
468
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,205
Life!
469
00:19:21,207 --> 00:19:24,475
Just like with that damn bicycle
when you were eight years old!
470
00:19:24,477 --> 00:19:28,380
- I don't, um...
- She took it.
471
00:19:28,382 --> 00:19:28,780
Wh-?
472
00:19:28,782 --> 00:19:29,748
You stole my bike?
473
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:31,850
I came home from work,
and it was just lying on the
474
00:19:31,852 --> 00:19:36,621
sidewalk, and I thought "Oh,
this will teach him."
475
00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:40,124
- Stingray... five-speed...
- But so,
476
00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:44,396
did you talk to him about
responsibility when you gave it back?
477
00:19:44,398 --> 00:19:45,297
Gave it back?
478
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,834
Well what kind of
lesson would that be?
479
00:19:48,836 --> 00:19:52,537
- Banana saddle... sissy bar...
- Oh my God, so...
480
00:19:52,539 --> 00:19:53,805
what about his car?
481
00:19:53,807 --> 00:19:55,339
- Jeannie...
- Mmmm.
482
00:19:55,341 --> 00:20:00,610
- I'm afraid it already has a new owner...
- Yeah,
483
00:20:00,612 --> 00:20:01,912
that's what I'm talking about.
484
00:20:01,914 --> 00:20:04,748
Thanks Dodge or whoever.
485
00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:07,250
Yes, my ass is everywhere.
486
00:20:07,653 --> 00:20:09,362
What are you lookin' at Sucker.