Hey, case, the flight leaves in two hours.
Are you packed? Oh, yeah. That.
Packed. I am so excited.
This is our first plane ride together.
Are you good at telling people they're not gonna die?
I'm okay at it. Why? I don't love flying,
so you're probably gonna have to do that a lot.
You know the best way to make yourself feel safe on a plane...
Trashy magazines.
And smart magazines to cover them up.
"Smarter finance"?
No one's gonna believe that you read that.
No, they will. I bought these half-glasses.
And guess what I picked up for our romantic night...
Joint cream.
Lots of joint cream.
I'm not...
Paying...
For two...
Bags.
(Sighs) Got it.
Oh, and in case we sit next to some chatty idiot on the plane,
I want...
The middle seat.
So I can chat th new people.
Strangers are so interesting.
Everybody's got a story.
Okay, Ben. Can you just remind me again...
How do planes fly? What's holding them up there?
I mean, it's crazy, right?
What's to stop it from just falling right out of the sky?
I will. Got the tickets? On my phone.
Got the tickets? Printed them out.
(Vicky) Got the tickets?
(Joel) Nope.
(Rattle) Or the keys.
(Man) ♪ I don't know where I'd be ♪
♪ without someone to see ♪
♪ this thing through ♪
♪ I am such a mess ♪
♪ even at my best ♪
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
ONE WEEK EARLIER
Are you sure you're okay
not spending the holidays with your family?
I'm more than okay. My family's really into sustainable living,
so they do Christmas all kinds of wrong...
Especially the presents. (Sighs)
Oh.
More seeds.
This year, I don't want anything
that I have to wait until spring to enjoy.
I want useless junk... piles of it.
I want real candy canes, made from candy, not wheatgrass.
It's my first commercial Christmas,
and I want all the crap.
Well, son, Christmas at our lake house
is going to give you everything you want and more.
We have so many wonderful traditions.
On Christmas morning, Joel builds a beautiful fire,
and Mia is our little gift gnome.
I don't know what that is, but I bet I'll like it.
Gifts and gnomes are my 6th and 15th favorite things.
It's the person who hands out all the presents
from under the tree. It started when I was 6.
Mom invented it because she didn't want to get up.
And then, after she gives us the presents, we throw
the wrapping paper at her. (Laughs) It's the cutest thing.
And you can't get bored up there, because I create
wonderful itineraries... the cider train, tour of the tree farm... She makes sure
our Christmas doesn't get sidetracked with spontaneity. (Laughs)
What do you do, Ben? Oh, I'm in charge of getting the wood for the fire.
He's the happy woodsman.
More like the reluctant woodsman.
You know when the woodsman wasn't happy?
When he got locked out for o hours.
Oh. (Chuckles) And the key was right there under the flowerpot.
(Chuckles) I didn't know that.
Oh. Maybe Casey could be the one who makes everyone drinks.
The cool bartender... I love it.
This whole thing sounds like fun to me.
Oh, it's the best. You cannot even imagine.
I love, love, love it up there. (Laughter)
Oh, God. I hate it up there.
Didn't you just tell your parents you love it?
Ugh, read between the lines, Casey.
Didn't you see me make this face?
And me make this one?
Oh, don't even try.
It's a secret language only they can understand.
They also have entire conversations using only grunts.
You want to know the main reason I hate Christmas up there?
Mom and dad always mock my structured fun.
Isn't fun more fun when you know you're supposed to be having it? Mm.
You think I like it up there?
Your dad never lets us turn up the heat.
He just keeps sending me outside to get more wood.
It's really dark out there, and every time I get scared
by that fence post that looks exactly like a serial killer.
Okay, well, no one has it worse than me.
I'm the freaking gift gnome. If you don't like it, why don't you just say no?
(Both snorting and grunting)
What just happened?
We weren't meant to know.
Do you think there's any way we can get out of going this year?
Oh, my God. No way. We would crush mom and dad.
Can you imagine the guilt? We'd never hear the end of it. I know. Well, at least we'll be together.
Yeah. It doesn't make it easier, knowing I have you to look at
and roll my eyes with when mom and dad do something crazy. Yeah.
Yeah, it'll be great for me to have you up there.
We can have our knowing nods and side conversations
where we make fun of everybody.
Yeah, I don't know if the cool bartender
would hang out with the weird woodsman.
Sorry.
I'm gonna open another bottle of wine.
Ben, where's that Australian bottle
with the dog on the label? Oh, you mean the white zinfan-dingo?
(Laughs) I'll get it.
He buys wine based on how funny the labels are.
I drink a lot of bad wine.
I feel like there's a way to get out of going to the lake house
that I just haven't thought of yet.
Ooh. (Giggles) The baby just kicked. Hmm.
(Ribbon whooshes)
There. That's how you wrap a present the right way.
You get it now?
Not 100%.
Would you show me one more time
with this present for my sister?
And... and this one for my former secretary?
Okay, but really pay attention this time.
You got it. (Knock on door)
Hey, guys.
(All) Gift gnome! Ha ha ha.
Gift gnome starts early this year. Yay.
Uh, listen, about that, we went to the doctor this morning,
and he feels, as a precaution, since the cabin is in
such a remote location, that he doesn't want me to travel.
So, bad news... Casey and I are not gonna be able to go
to the lake house for Christmas this year. What?
Yeah, it's a bummer.
You're not gonna be there at all? No. No, but it...
it won't be that big of a deal. I mean, yeah, I mean...
Maddie will be there. I'm sure she'd love to be the gift gnome.
Wait, what? I'm not gonna be the...
yeah, I can see that.
I can't believe you're bailing on Christmas.
You're using that baby to get what you want.
This is first boobs all over again. Oh.
"First boobs"?
What are you talking about?
She got her boobs first even though I'm older.
She flaunted 'em. She shook 'em. She got everything she wanted.
And now you're doing the same thing with the baby.
You're using the baby to get out of Christmas
the same way you used your boobs to get free pop rocks
from the gas station attendant. Hey, I make no apologies for that.
I had already spent my allowance and I really wanted pop rocks.
Wish I got pop rocks for Christmas.
Oh.
Regular rocks.
Look, it's not my fault
that the doctor said I couldn't travel, okay?
It's one of the few advantages of my unplanned pregnancy.
Well, that and the bigger boobs. Aw, I'm sorry.
Can you believe Mia's using the baby
to get out of Christmas? I know. It's like first boobs all over again.
Now it's just gonna be you and me and my parents...
In a remote area...
In the dead of winter...
oh, God. That's exactly how "the shining" starts.
As a hotel manager,
I have to ask you not to mention that movie to me.
It set our industry back decades.
We have to get out of going to the lake house. Really?
Yeah, what if we went on a real vacation?
Can you imagine coming back to work January 3rd rested?
Maybe even tan? Oh, we could be like the Hales.
The who? The Hales... the couple who lived next door to us growing up.
We'd always see them coming back from their Christmas vacation
in key west, tan, happy, noses peeling just a little.
♪
(Makes clicking noise)
Right back at you, Mr. Hale. Look,
if Mia and Casey aren't going to be at the lake house this year,
maybe we should wait until next year to skip it.
But next year will be baby's first Christmas.
We can't miss that. Well, how about the year after that?
Baby's second Christmas? Are you crazy?
Look, I'll be honest. I could use the break. I mean, it seems
like we spend almost all of our time with your family, but...
(Sighs) How are we gonna get out of it?
Any excuse we give them,
they're just gonna come down on us with an avalanche of guilt.
I can go to mom and dad and tell them we can't go
because you're sick. They can't make us feel guilty
if you're sick. Well, why do I have to be the one who's sick?
Ben, come on. It's just more believable.
What? Look, like it or not, you're a little bit sickly.
I am not sickly. I am robust.
I am damn robust.
Yes or no, your nose ran from age 6 to 11?
That was an adenoid issue that runs in my family.
And thank you for bringing up the reason
I couldn't ride the bus and had to wear an inhaler necklace.
Okay. I'm sorry, honey. I'm gonna go talk to mom and dad.
Oh, if their phone rings, I want you to answer in a sick voice. Yeah, okay.
Yes! Exactly like that.
Aw, how excited are you?
We're about to have our first real vacation in two years.
Uh, I'm kind of excited. I guess I'm still feeling bad
about how it all went down with my parents. The way you told me,
it sounded like it went great. Well, I may have left out a few parts.
Ben's sick?
Big surprise. What does he have?
The flu, so... the flu? That's it?
The fresh air up there cures almost anything,
and good God, Maddie, if we skipped things
every time Ben got sick, we'd never go anywhere.
Okay, to be honest, Ben being sick isn't the whole reason.
Oh, God.
What was the whole reason?
Ben's mom's sick, too,
a-and we have to go visit her in Michigan,
so w-we won't even be in town. Now Ben's mother is sick?
Yeah, it's a genetic...
Flu.
God, the whole family is sickly!
Yeah, that's what's going on,
so, sorry. Okay, bye.
Well, thank you for ruining Christmas.
Mom...
Did you ever think, when we had children,
they'd grow up and desert us on Christmas?
On what could be... (Whispers) Our last Christmas.
Why are you doing this to me? What... what about Mia? Mia has a real excuse.
Mia is pregnant. You have your... your boyfriend's sick mom.
Well, you know what? She's... she's pregnant, too.
My 65-year-old mom is pregnant?
It was just so intense in there, you have no idea.
I panicked. They were laying on the guilt.
Dad got so worked up, he brought out his man-fan.
(Whirring) This makes no sense. You are taking a sick Ben
to visit his sick, pregnant mother.
Why in the world would you think this is a good idea?
Well, how did you answer that?
I didn't. I told them I lied and made all that stuff up.
Oh, thank God.
Wait.
But we're still going.
Madeleine Putney, what did you do?
And I'm... I'm sorry I made all that stuff up
about everyone being sick, but I only did it 'cause I didn't want
to freak you out with the truth about what's really going on. Oh, my God. What's really going on?
Ben's dad is stuck in a well.
Um, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the next time we want
to skip something, you get sick, and I go talk to them. No. (Chuckles)
No, no. It's okay. It worked. They stopped with all the guilt.
They even gave me some presents to give to your dad.
I told them we're lowering gifts down to him on a rope. (Laughs)
Oh, God. I know. I'm a terrible person.
(Sighs) Can we please just not talk about it? Of course.
Thank you. (Chuckles)
Can you believe people used to get dressed up to travel?
Now look at everyone... sweat suits, flip-flops, antler hats.
Oh, my God! Mia and Casey are here.
We can't let them see us in line for key west.
They'll know we lied!
(Woman speaking indistinctly over p.A.)
Okay. Here. Put this on.
Why? They think we're going to Michigan
to visit your dad in a well!
They can't see us dressed like this.
This is a ladies' turtleneck.
Just arch your back and work it!
Wait. They're not supposed to be here,
unless...
Oh, my God! They lied, too.
So, uh, is that the kind of Christmas crap
your parents would never let you have?
Yeah. (Chuckles) But I might be making them out
to seem worse than they actually were.
Every year they would get me one store-bought present, too.
(Gasps)
A marshmallow!
So are you excited? Our first vacation together!
I am. I am. I just feel a little guilty about telling my parents
and Maddie that the doctor said I couldn't travel.
Was that really bad?
Well... (Sighs) You lied and used our baby
to get out of spending Christmas with your family.
That's pretty terrible, no matter how you look at it.
You know, I love that you tell it like it is,
but I wish sometimes you would just tel like it isn't.
Hello, gnome.
Hello, Maddie.
I guess your doctor/travel agent changed his mind.
Yes! Yeah, it was good news. I just, you know...
yeah, you had the baby? That's great. I'd love to meet him.
Dude. That shirt does not fit.
Well, I happen to like a three-quarter sleeve
and a lot of pressure on my Adam's apple.
So I lied. But you lied, too. You're in a sundress,
and there is no flight to Michigan around here.
(Laughs)
You two are just gonna let Ben's dad rot in a well.
I think that was part of the lie.
It's pretty easy to get out of a well.
Your lie was worse. You are allowed to travel!
You're using that baby like a pair of brand-new boobs.
Oh, get over the boobs, Maddie!
You were a late bloomer, but you got your boobs... sorta.
Hey. Hey, hey.
They're bigger than they look.
Please stop telling people that!
(Sighs) Oh, I can't even deal with you right now.
We're getting on the plane. Okay, great. Good-bye.
Good-bye to you. Oh.
Oh, are you kidding me? You're going to key west, too?
What's the big deal? I just wanted to go someplace tropical. (Sighs)
I've wanted to ever since Mr. hale winked at me.
♪
(Both, breathily) The Hales.
Buddy, your shirt is riding up.
(Clicks tongue) I know.
I'm workin' it.
Attention, key west passengers,
due to a weather delay, we are deplaning all passengers.
Please stand by for further notice.
(Sighs) When they find out you lied,
mom and dad are gonna be so mad at you. (Scoffs)
They've texted me 3 times in 20 minutes to tell me
how lonely they are. They don't seem lonely.
I have never been deplaned before. This is outrageous.
We should get some sort of a voucher for this. I...
This isn't the lake house.
(Whirring)
What are you guys doing here?
What are we doing here? What are you girls doing here?
(Mia and Maddie) Uh...
Well, they obviously lied to us.
Hey, you're here, too.
We're only here because all our children ditched us.
So we decided to go somewhere where... where we could rest
and get a tan and... and be sad
because of what you did to us.
And you're going to key west, too?
Well, we just... we wanted to be like the Hales.
Do you remember the Hales?
♪
Did the Hales just wander the halls winking at people?
I don't know what you're so angry about.
You're the ones that left us sad and lonely.
And you're on a plane to Florida.
Oh, and you texted me, "the lake house has never been so empty.
There aren't enough tissues to catch all the tears."
We thought that if we made you feel bad enough, we could
guilt you into coming back to the lake house again next year.
Why? Nobody even likes having Christmas there.
Mia hates being the gift gnome.
Everybody ignores my itineraries,
and Ben's scared to go outside.
Who even wants to go anymore?
We do. It's our only true family tradition.
We've been taking you girls up there since you were babies. And now you're having babies of your own, and when
it became clear that you didn't want to go back there...
It broke our hearts. I mean, sure, the endless chorus of
"let's all ride the cider train" gets annoying.
And the gift gnome gets a little bitchy by the end.
And it's exhausting to check the thermostat 80 times a day
to make sure no one's turned on the heat.
But it's a tradition,
and your father and I would like to keep it that way.
Wow.
I-I never realized how much it meant to you.
I guess you guys are right. I did ruin Christmas.
No. It was me. I was the fit one who got out of it.
It's not ruined yet.
Our flight's delayed. We're all here together.
Why don't we have a little Christmas right now? What do you mean?
There's a tree right over there.
We all run to the gift shop, get a bunch of crap
to give each other as presents, have a little Christmas,
uh, before we leave. (Maddie and Mia chuckle)
That's a great idea, son. All right.
Hey, Ben.
You look a little flushed. Are you getting sick?
I'd rather not say.
Oh, my God. I love it!
(Laughs) Yeah, it's a robot dog that flips onto its back.
Needs batteries. Serves no purpose.
Will break in five minutes. It's perfect.
Oh, that... thank you so much.
(Speaks inaudibly)
Oh, and thank you for the phone charger that
charges the kind of phone I don't have.
(Laughter)
Oh, and here are three more gifts for Ben. Oh.
(Ben and maddie) Oh.
All right.
Cough syrup, cough syrup,
and antacid.
Thanks, guys. (Chuckles)
Why are you still wearing that?
I don't know. It's comfy.
And I'm not totally sure I can get out of it.
(Man) Attention, key west passengers,
we are now clear to board all rows.
Yeah! (Chuckles)
Well, this is my favorite Christmas by far.
I don't think I'll ever forget...
(rattles)
Hey! It's already broken.
You know, this is the last year where it's just us.
Next year we'll have the baby... Yeah.
And new traditions. Yeah. You know what?
Why don't forget about our trip and go the lake house
like we planned to do from the beginning?
(Vicky and Joel) No. No, just...
Maybe next year.
Oh, it's so weird.
Last new year's Eve, I didn't even know you, I wasn't engaged,
and I didn't have a baby growing inside of me. It's funny how one year can change so much.
Mm-hmm. A year ago, my hair was a little longer,
and I didn't have this coat. Yeah, and a year from now,
we'll be married, and we'll have a little boy. Mm. And you'll be pregnant.
Mm. (Chuckles) What?
Yeah. (Chuckles) I've got a plan.
Happy new year!
Hey!
(Cheers)
25 seconds till midnight. (Chuckles)
Mm. I have 29 seconds. Oh, I know mine's right, 'cause I set it from my cell phone.
Mm, I don't want to be that guy,
but, uh, I work in a hotel, you know? (Chuckles)
Exact time is paramount to my ability to do my job well.
Working in a hotel doesn't make you an expert
on everything, you know. Well, I am the manager, so...
Six seconds! Ten seconds.
Three... two... one...
Happy new year! (Laughs)
Happy new year!
(Sighs)
(Crowd) Six... five... four...
Three... two... one...
(Cheering and whistling)
(Pty horn toots)
(Thud, clink)
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com