♪ The seafarers are fleeing Going wherever they please ♪
♪ But they're not leaving here ♪
♪ They're stealing my job, it's a jungle ♪
♪ Crushing my dream Of opening a minimarket! ♪
♪ A minimarket! ♪
♪ You're still here ♪
♪ You're in an amazing country! ♪
♪ This country is amazing! ♪
♪ Bridges collapsing, boats sinking ♪
♪ Sure, it's all wonderful But let me get some too! ♪
♪ Rights are dying Ministers are dancing ♪
♪ Can't you feel The sea calling you too? ♪
THIS WORLD CAN'T TEAR ME DOWN
["Cumuli" plays]
[lyrics in Italian]
[Zero] I don't think I said Cesare's name for 20 years.
I didn't even notice when he first disappeared
because we didn't hang around with each other any more
until one day, someone, I think it was Wild Boar, said to me...
- Didn't you know he was in rehab? - What are you on about?
Yeah, my mum knows his mum. She told her.
Sick, Cesare is. Treatment he is getting.
Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. When someone disappears,
I always think it's to make money or fuck. And instead rehab!
Who thinks of rehab?
[Zero] Yeah, who thinks of that?
I'm talking about it as though I'm street-wise,
but heroin zombies weren't my generation. I'm not that old.
I'm not that young either.
My generation was carefree, when coke and speed were cheap,
and people went around full of enthusiasm,
bug-eyed and clenching their jaws, fighting, stabbing,
smashing bottles on their heads and having heart attacks at 35.
But in those terms, I knew nothing about heroin.
I mean, I didn't know where Cesare was exactly,
But I remember when I was a boy and I saw people talking on the TV
about something bad that had happened in one of these rehab places.
I can still see the images of this filthy room,
like something out of a horror movie, but just a flicker,
because as soon as my mum saw what I was watching, she turned it off,
because she didn't want me to get scared, mummy's little sweetheart.
So when I asked her...
What was that, Mummy?
...she didn't want me to get scared,
but she also had this theory that you mustn't ever bullshit children.
And so she said...
That, my boy, is a place where they put drug addicts
and they are locked away inside a barrel and then severely beaten.
Inside a barrel?
Yes, sweetheart, a barrel.
A real one too.
A smelly wooden barrel that you have to curl up in.
And they keep them there for hours on end to punish them, got it?
It's brutal! See what humans invent?
What horrible animals!
[Zero] Thanks, parent number one!
My psychologist got a fancy car out of that. Damn you!
Hey, guys, bloody hell, I know not all rehabs are like that!
I know there are different approaches that have saved a bunch of people
without using the beat-it-out-of-you model, okay?
But this cartoon isn't The History of Rehabs.
And the things that traumatised me most as a boy
was that and a bit of Army of Darkness that I saw by mistake when I was eight.
- [spooky music plays] - [gasps]
So that's why, when I heard that Cesare was in a place like that,
I got that feeling of claustrophobia again.
And I'd like to say that we made an effort, we wrote to him,
we made out that he'd know we were waiting for him,
or at least that I was, 'cause I was his friend.
That's bullshit.
Not because we were mean,
but he couldn't have contact with anyone from outside in there.
Maddalena didn't like talking about it.
And if anyone asked, she just answered...
Unwell is he, but treatment he is getting.
[Zero] So it got to a point where no one asked her any more.
Months went by.
Then years.
FOR SALE SOLD
And his absence just became normal.
A bit like when you change the furniture around at home and you get used to it.
[bird screeches]
[Zero] Things like this scare me a lot.
This natural and relentless sea that floods in and washes everything away,
because I don't know how to stop it.
It scares me that someone who played such a big part in my life,
who I shared so much with, can just disappear.
A bit like a comet, right?
One that flew through our lives.
You get used to seeing it.
Then it disappears over the horizon.
The trail stays behind. You can see it for a bit.
Then that disappears too.
Life goes on as though it never existed.
Our lives, I mean.
No one ever thinks about the comet's life,
about what happens to it after it passes by.
["Cumuli" plays]
JUNKIES HERE!!
Did you see him when he was hit?
Could you make an identification?
Nah, I didn't get a good look
'cause it was chaos, but it's obvious it was them.
Didn't he tell you it was them arseholes? Didn't he tell you it was those bastards?
He was dazed when he got to hospital. He says he doesn't remember.
They attacked us. We were just defending ourselves, you know?
They picked on him 'cause he's a big baby.
Those bloody lefties have no honour.
["La voce che ho in corpo" by El Santo plays]
[Zero] When we left the town hall after that shitty vote, I was upset,
because I was thinking...
My God, what the fuck is going to happen in five days' time? I already feel...
Five days, Calcare, and you're already worrying about it?
You're ridiculous. Five days?
That's ages! Did Mazarin not teach you anything?
Five days may never come to pass...
Concentrate on the present.
It's like Pompeii.
All those people making long-term plans.
"Let's go to the beach. Oh, what should we do?"
They were all fucked.
Okay. All right. But what if it comes though?
What if it comes?
That's something they said in the 1900s.
Keep your head on straight though.
I don't know if you know, but there's been an anthropological mutation.
Teenagers with much bigger thumbs, the right to work, instability.
There's no point getting emotionally invested in something
that lasts longer than a sitcom episode.
You might be wasting your emotional reserve here.
What did the endocrinologist say in March?
Almost depleted.
So today's list of worries goes over here.
And tomorrow's goes here.
A bit of a flashy trunk that is just out of the corner of your eye.
And everything for the future gets dumped in here.
Removal protocol. It all gets thrown in,
from next Wednesday's council meeting,
to melting of the glaciers
and prostate examinations.
See? All disappeared.
[truck beeping]
[marching drum plays]
Now focus on today.
Watch the finale of Better Call Saul before you see any spoilers.
Bravo! There you go! Sit on the sofa. Then stick on the box.
Bury yourself in work and think of fuck-all else.
Hey, maybe even eat tons of crap,
then you won't think about the future in your glycaemic haze.
What a great life you lead, my friend!
An utter slob!
No one can stop you now.
I know someone who'd like to try, but sod that.
[suspenseful music plays]
Hey, what the fuck you doing?
Today is judgment day, and you're here slobbed out on the sofa?
God, what do you mean it's today? I was drawing the poster for...
What poster? You should've thought about that earlier!
Now you're late for the Great Battle of Rome's East End.
[thunder crashes]
Hurry up, for crying out loud.
You have to pick Secco up and go to the preparatory meeting.
They're waiting for you.
I really don't know why you'd leave it all to the last minute.
It just drives me crazy. I'll go mad.
- [door opens] - [action music plays]
- [door closes] - [music stops]
[farting "Für Elise" ringtone plays]
Hello, Zero? It's Osvaldo from A Random Show.
We met last week. How are you? Everything all right?
Do you remember you're on the programme at 4:00 this afternoon?
Don't worry about getting yourself here. We can send a car.
No, guys! Don't worry. I'll make my own way there.
It's fine. I'm not an idiot.
I'll ring you when I'm outside.
4:00 on the dot. That's great! [clicks tongue]
How you gonna be there at four o'clock? You can't leave the fight at half-time.
Don't worry about it, I've worked it all out.
The council meeting's at 2:00. We'll get there beforehand.
And we'll see that it's full of police, and we'll think...
"Well, shiver me timbers. You're defended by the cops this time!" [chuckles]
[pipe toots]
We'll stay there, make a bit of a scene.
We'll shout, throw something. We'll be on one side, them on the other.
The chairman will say...
We cannot hold the council meeting in these conditions.
By half three, it'll be over.
I'll leave the car nearby, dash off, and go on the programme.
It will be perfect, falling in place like Tetris. Chac chac chac.
What if they use filters?
By filters, he means the planting of parties in disguise discreetly
in nearby streets in order to surprise small groups of people
or individuals walking away on their own,
maybe heading unsuspectingly back to their cars.
Ah, but there's no filter in the whole wide world
that could ever find me! Yeah!
Soy turista mexicano!
Molto bello aquí. Me recuerda l'estado de Chihuahua!
[mariachi music plays]
[Zero] So we arrived at a warehouse, which was like a concentration camp.
There were all sorts of beasts and creatures inside.
It wasn't exactly what I'd describe as an elite forces unit.
The neighbourhood dinosaurs were there, some familiar faces from the area,
others I hadn't seen since before Coronavirus, like Teapot Friend.
The procedure is always the same, quite simple.
Well, let's wait for the last few.
We'll make a big group, and then we'll all go together.
And if we can get there a bit earlier, we can set up in the best spot.
Let's also check out access to the square
so if anyone wants to come and join us, they won't end up being prey to the Nazis.
Excuse me, but has anyone checked it out? Are there police there yet?
I'm thinking it's obvious the police are clearly gonna be there.
We promoted this disaster. We literally did the posters.
The Old Bill can't not be there.
What more could we have done? Send them a letterheaded invite?
I don't know. Mariangela will be back soon.
She went and did a recce on her moped.
[Zero] You see, the scout lookout is paramount:
A key position in the great division of war roles.
Guys, there are no police around. It's deserted.
I think I saw one DIGOS car.
But they could've just been two sad gentlemen on their lunch break
listening to Biagio Antonacci and staring into space.
["Se io, se lei" by Biagio Antonacci plays]
What do you mean the Old Bill's not there?
I pay my taxes for them to beat me up, not those Nazis.
Are the heavies there at least? Are they ugly?
No one's there. It's closed, and there's no one at the café.
Oh well, so you've no idea how many police there are gonna be. That sounds perfect.
No evaluation whatsoever, a bunch of oafs with no clue at all,
a strategy of crossing your fingers and may God have mercy on us.
I like it.
This sounds to me like the most beautiful twilight tragedy,
and I'm sure school kids will study this one day
like the Battle of Thermopylae, but with serfs instead of King Leonidas.
Hmm.
Okay, guys, I know archery.
I know that during a raging battle,
we all want to be remembered as the hero, brandishing a sword,
who made his mark in close combat.
But archers are essential.
They decimate the enemy army from a distance,
They terrorise them with a raining shower of arrows,
destroying their ranks.
Of course, archers can also grab a stick and join the warriors,
but it's something more choreographed,
as if to say, "I'm here too!"
But it's the knights who deliver maximum impact.
I realise some people might be horrified and think...
Come on, it's 2023 and they're still doing that?
What is all this, man, the ruddy Middle Ages?
[Zero] And the answer is...
No, obviously it's not the Middle Ages.
It's an antique metaphor, because I like Game of Thrones.
And it's more grandiose than saying
we're gonna grab a shopping trolley, fill it with bottles and stuff to throw,
and we're gonna take it with us.
Like Legolas in The Lord of the Rings, but less refined.
More like Legolas from ASDA.
[belches]
No, no archers today, I don't think.
What do you mean no archers?
Who's gonna ready the terrain for the Spartans who need to fight?
All those poor guys will need support, won't they?
Don't underestimate the role of...
Zero, the Spartans are all in jail after Dicksville.
The whole front line is in jail or has been reported.
All we have are those here with us today.
[Zero] Right at that moment, two distinct things happened inside of me.
The first was the complete and utter replacement
of all the muscles in my lower limbs with 14 tons of panna cotta,
meaning my legs went all soft and shaky all of a sudden.
The second was something animal-like,
my primordial reptilian instincts reawakening at a time of impending danger.
[yawns]
Drowsiness.
Devastating drowsiness.
The type where you can't stop yawning and you feel like you'll fall asleep
as soon as you sit down or lean against something.
You're thinking, "What kind of fucking animal reaction is that?"
An animal should stay alert, right? Sharpen their senses. But no!
Animals know that in great prairies,
the biggest risk isn't being attacked by a predator.
It's that others might think...
Oh, look, he's shitting himself that a lion's going to come.
So what the fuck are you doing in the great prairies?
Go to Villa Torlonia and have a few drinks, you fucking hipster.
[Zero] Whereas flaunting your drowsiness,
yawning without even putting your hand in front of your mouth,
expresses your disregard for danger,
and the other animals think...
Damn, that wildebeest sure is crazy. He just doesn't give a shit.
Look, Mario. See what it means to yawn in the face of death.
[suspenseful music swells]
[lion growls]
[Zero] So this narcolepsy is the supreme form of defence of my dignity.
What you thinking?
[Zero] That I'm not used to doing things like this without Sarah.
It's like I'm missing a moral cover to justify what we're about to do.
What moral cover do you need for throwing a load of bombs at Nazis, Zero?
That's the only thing in my life that even Winston Churchill agreed on.
See?
Yeah, on the whole, I agree with you, yeah?
But it's one thing fighting monsters with swastikas on their faces.
It's another thing fighting people we grew up with, Sarah, Cesare...
Hey, will you stop defending that asshole? What are you, his lawyer?
What am I supposed to say? I don't think he's right.
I just get that something's clicked inside him,
and it makes me feel I have no right to judge him.
And that's why I really have no idea what the fuck I'm gonna say
during my interview on that show today.
Even if we still live half a mile away from each other,
in some respects, it feels like four billion light-years.
And that makes me feel like shit.
And what the fuck do I know? Maybe if we'd led the life he has,
we'd think the same way he does.
You're talking such a load of shit, you are.
Whatever. Anything that isn't ice cream is a load of shit to you...
Hey, you're whining because you've hit the big time,
and you need to go around saying "poor thing" to little shits.
And you're saying this to me?
Speak for yourself if you need to make up your own shit.
I'm not making any cartoons, I haven't bought a house
and no one's ever given me anything for free.
Yes, I know that, but you grew up in a context...
Where did I grow up? I'm an orphan.
I was on the streets from the age of 15.
I've never had a job, no one to support me, nothing.
Everything I have, I got for myself, and I've never taken anything from those
who were worse off than me.
I get that you feel guilty, but do you think Zerocalcare
is only enlightened one that knows right from wrong?
Hey, Federico, why are you here?
Why aren't you working at the cooperative?
- I took the day off today. - Why's that?
- Who are you, DIGOS? - Come on. Tell me why.
'Cause it pisses me off that these people come here
and spread poison in my community, okay?
[Secco] Daria, why aren't you at work?
I finished at the front desk this morning at 7:00.
I slept two hours, but I don't give a shit.
I came here from Albania in 1991,
and then I became Italian when I got married.
I mean, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for these guys.
Now who the fuck is this?
Do you think people are here so they can take communion on Sunday
with a clean conscience?
They've all got so much of their own shit going on
you could write a whole comic on each of their lives.
But they don't use that as an excuse
to be arseholes to those who are worse off than they are.
Now excuse me. These bombs won't prepare themselves, you know.
["Questo mondo non mi renderà cattivo" plays]
[lyrics in Italian]
I totally get you, Zero.
I felt like utter shit when I saw Sarah in that video as well.
Yeah, but I'm not so sure we're doing the right thing.
Why? Do you think it's right that because of some pathological liars,
this town will be remembered as the one that sent immigrants packing?
And what about those 30 poor people that got off that boat, yeah?
They'll think that we're a bunch of arseholes
who beat them up and throw bombs at them.
I really don't know how today is gonna pan out,
but when people talk about this, I wanna be able to say
that there are people here that kicked those Nazis' arses.
Or at least tried to.
[Zero] That must've been the first time I'd hugged Teapot Friend.
It's normal to hug someone when you're about to do something crazy,
absurd even,
where you risk going home with your head smashed in.
It's normal,
but that's not why I hugged her.
I hugged her because she's a pussy, for crying out loud!
She's the only one with a physique worse than mine.
I mean, she's clumsy, slow and she chain-smokes.
So that makes me think that if she's there,
then anyone can be
and it means we're doing a family-friendly riot.
I'm just sad that Chatcho died ten years ago.
The dog with the wheels, remember?
'Cause if he was there, we'd be a proper Dream Team!
[crowd cheering]
Hey, guys, let's go!
- Let's go! Come on! Come on! - [overlapping chatter]
["Safe Haven" by Angelic Upstarts plays]
[Zero] If it had been up to me, I'd have dragged it out.
But there comes a time you gotta go.
♪ Sneaking in the daylight ♪
♪ Crawling through the night ♪
♪ Why do they always follow ♪
♪ For their ultimate prize? ♪
♪ Did you ever have a mother? ♪
♪ Did you ever have a son? ♪
♪ Would they like to see you... ♪
We'll be finished by five, right? I have to go back to the restaurant.
It had better be, or wife will kill me. Gotta pick up my little girl from school.
[Zero] There's something else that comforted me while I was walking.
It's true that Sarah wasn't there,
but we were all where we were supposed to be.
I don't understand shit about poems,
but there is one that's stuck in my head since I was a boy, by Calamandrei,
that goes...
"On these roads, should you wish to return,
you will find us exactly where you left us."
Said like that, it's rhetorical,
but if you take away all the pompous garb, you're left with just the core.
The essence is these people here.
They've got loads of their own shit and tons of contradictions,
but they're here when they're needed, because this is where they need to be.
Even if I get arrested, I can take responsibility for it with them.
At least in front of the mirror, I mean.
Of course, it's not like being arrested for getting your dick out
in front of an old folks' home.
That seems like a poor consolation to me.
But whatever makes you feel better. What can I say?
[man] The hospital called.
He's looking at 20 days of treatment.
Oh, okay, well, that's not too bad.
Yeah, I know, but those 20 days count as double with that surname.
- He's the son of... - Yeah.
Oh, that's shit!
He's not wrong. Now there's gonna be shit for everyone.
[door opens]
Did you know that the person you beat up was the son of someone important?
I don't know what you're talking about.
If you want my advice, young lady,
I would urge you to give us the name of whoever beat him up.
It's not the spring of silence any more,
but the winter of narcissism.
[sighs] What you don't tell us today, we'll find out tomorrow on TikTok,
but just with bad grammar.
And there's really no point in you all ruining your lives.
[inspirational music plays]
JURASSIC HEART
[Zero] We were better organised than a synchronised-swimming team.
We were there at half past two on the dot.
GO BACK HOME
NO INVASION
Okay, the Old Bill ain't here, but neither are the Nazis.
Oh, maybe they're not coming!
Maybe they changed the time and place and didn't tell us. I don't know.
If they're not here in 15 minutes, I don't think they'll show up.
[crowd approaching]
[man] Housing rights and workers' rights!
[crowd chanting] Housing rights and workers' rights!
We don't have our human rights!
Neither will those parasites!
♪ Never live in Chelsea ♪
♪ Or the backyards of the rich ♪
♪ Just working-class mothers ♪
♪ And you torture our kids ♪
♪ Never live in Chelsea ♪
♪ Or the backyards of the rich ♪
♪ Just working-class... ♪
[calm rock music plays]