♪
Today's lesson. Fake IDs 404.
How to steal your illegal business back
from your micromanaging business partner.
Step one:
Break into the penthouse with your secret spare key.
Dang.
Step two:
Make sure your $20,000 printer is properly protected
with the bubble wrap that you definitely remembered and didn't forget.
Ta da!
Step three:
Load all your illegal printing equipment into an elevator
and move it to a secure storage locker,
where in the lobby, burly moving men will be waiting.
They will be doing the heavy lifting while...
Ugh! Fucking thing! Die, die, die!
Ughhhhh! Just make it stop!!
- [straining] - [elevator dinging]
[both screaming] Ahhhhhh!!!!!
I can't breath with this fucking thing on!
[struggling grunts]
That beeping is actually the worst.
- Just move it over to- - I am!
No, move it to your left!
Oh yeah? This one?
- Twist it! - You!
Zip it!
[both screaming] Ahhhhhh!!!!!!
[elevator continue to ding]
♪
I may have oversimplified things.
Ok, it was fucking annoying.
♪
Um, hey. Where is Tabitha?
She quit.
Ok, um, so you guys have
a really big service elevator, right?
Like, it's massive?
Yes.
Can we pretty please have the keys to that?
Name, unit number?
Uh, penthouse, Trystan Smith.
Not the name I have.
What?
Smith is not who I have for the penthouse.
Oh, right. Of course. Duh.
[laughing]
It's, um...
Do you both live in the building?
- You know what? - Uhhhh...
I gotta go feed my pet frog actually.
- Thank you so much. - Thank you.
Ok. Bye.
That could have gone better.
Could have gone worse.
Also, Tryst doesn't own the place?
Kind of sus', isn't it?
It's Tryst.
I wouldn't be surprised if he uses his name for anything.
Fair.
How much time do we have?
I called his manager and he's working all week, so...
They told you that over the phone?
I'm persuasive.
Ok. What if we disassemble the printer?
No. Too complicated. I can't hurt RBG.
You got a weird object fetishization.
It's a nice printer.
Mm! We steal the elevator key.
Like an armed robbery?
Well, that's not what I was thinking, but sure.
No, fuck. Focus.
We are over complicating things.
All we need to do is get oversized,
overweight, overpriced printers down an entire building.
That's it!
You know what? Don't even worry.
I'm not worried.
I'll 100 percent think of something-
- I know you will think of... - So don't worry, I got this.
Fuck yeah. Woo! We got this.
Gonna think of something so amazing
and it's gonna blow your mind!
[sing-songy] It's gonna blow your mind.
We got this. We got this! Yeah, baby!
I've got no ideas.
Oh god, Z, what is that?
It's my woodworking final project.
It's fine.
I mean, it's tanking my average, but it's fine.
You got anything?
No.
...Let's go boys!
[[football players cheering]
Didn't they lose the championship?
Yep.
Then why are they celebrating?
No fucking clue.
Those assholes broke part of the drama stage
just to see if they could.
[football players whooping]
We're gonna host a party.
[rewind]
Those assholes broke part of the drama stage
just to see if they could.
- Hey. - Hey.
What if we threw them a party?
[dance music] ♪
I thought you invited 20 people!
What?
I thought... I thought you invited 20 people!
I did, but then they invited their friends
and then they invited their... you know.
Yeah, I get it. I get it. Let's get into position.
There's no way that this can go wrong, right?
No, it's...
It's physically impossible for it to crash.
They only plummet to the basement in the movies.
Right. Yeah, duh.
Do you want to switch roles?
No! I got this.
I'm gonna go take a million stairs now.
Kill me.
Gross!
♪
Hey boys, I hear you guys can break stuff.
- Yeah. - What have you heard?
I bet I know something you can't break.
[chanting] Elevator! Elevator! Elevator!
[cell phone chimes]
Hey. Joe.
What?
Nothing. [chuckles]
It's just a really great name, by the way.
My first dog was named Joe.
You named your dog Joe?
Yeah. Joe. Joseph.
[sighs]
Ok. I'm just gonna...
Oh my god! Oh, ow! Oh, Joe! Ow!
- Here? - Yeah, yeah, right here.
Right here, yeah, yeah..
[chanting] Elevator! Elevator! Elevator!!!
[chanting] Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!!!!
[alarm sounding]
Get me out of here. Get out!
Someone just get me out, please.
I got you. I got you.
Ow, um.
You know what?
I actually think I should just go home.
Yeah. Ice, compression, elevation.
Aspirin.
Right, yup, that too. yeah.
Uh.
Oh, thank you. Oh gosh.
- Alright. - Alright. Well...
♪
Ok.
What the hell?
Hey, miss.
Mmmhmm?
Elevator's broken.
If you want to get upstairs
I'll have to give you the key for the service elevator.
♪
[elevator dings]
God, come on..
[groaning]
[dance music] ♪
Oh my god, we did it! Service elevator is ours.
I mean, it's slow as shit, but it's ours.
Oh, that's great.
Hey, are you ok?
I just didn't expect it to be like that.
The elevator dropped a lot.
Was it that bad?
Kinda.
Well, lay down for a sec.
We're literally mid-heist.
Yeah, but no one's going anywhere.
But what if Tryst doesn't follow his schedule?
A, I think they he would actually die
and B, his first thought would be to yell at these kids
and tell them to get off his lawn.
♪
Take five minutes, ok? I'll go get your some water.
- Ok, actually five though. - Yes.
♪
What are you doing here?
Nice to see you too.
No, sorry, I...
Why are you ignoring my calls?
I needed space.
Ok, there's just a lot that's going on right now.
You're sounding a lot like Rebecca.
Am I?
What is going on with you two?
Who's place is this?
Everyone was saying "Zoe and Rebecca's."
Yeah, it's ours.
What about you and Sally?
Ok, I told you-
Zoe. I am done being lied to.
I'm tired of this shit.
Ok.
Sally was screaming about the cops.
I'm not an idiot.
Tell me exactly what is happening here,
or I'll ask Rebecca myself and tell her everything.
Fine.
No, no, hey, hey, wait, wait. Wait.
I'm listening.
Alright, so for the last term
Rebecca and I have been printing fake IDs
and we are really, really good at it.
So, we had to get Sally and Sophie to help us out.
We are making so much money.
Oh my god, you don't even know.
But, Rebecca, she didn't want to involve you
and that is why she didn't tell you anything.
That's the truth.
I don't know where to start.
[banging on door]
Can someone get that?
Police! Nobody move!
[Police] Who owns the place?
[Becca] Oh fuck.
Rebecca Li and Zoe Christiansen!
Hey, please, don't say anything, ok?
Kitchen.
Ah!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Ok.
[phone ringing]
Daddy, call the lawyer.
[Tryst] Becca? What's going on?
Are you in the penthouse right now?
I'm sorry.
[Tryst] Do not say anything to the cops. Got it?
Wait, how did you know they were cops?
[banging on door]
[Tryst] And destroy this phone!
Tryst, did you have something to do with this?
[toilet flushing]
No! No!
No!
[melancholic music]
Trust me, this get's worse.
You're pretty much caught up now.
No! Get off me! Don't! Stop!
♪
Ok, what are we ordering for dinner?
Oh! Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Alright, but do not splurge.
[chuckles]
Curtesy of Sophie.
It's not bad,
but if we are gonna reach our monthly projections
then the singing nerd is gonna have to show some improvement.
You'll see.
Sally will be matching Sophie's numbers any day now.
You've been busy. Thought about anyone else?
Ah, fuck, you know.
What can I say? One-man band.
Like a mariachi.
Oh wow.
Hey this is really good.
[door slams]
What did your therapist say? Kill 'em with kindness.
They will come around.
Hey, guys.
Hey! Oh, shit! Shit! No!
When were you gonna tell me that your dealer,
Sally Coates, who is a teenager, by the way,
I mean, come on, man.
When were you gonna tell me that she was arrested?
I know. Never.
Which is why we're here.
And now what's all this shit?
Useless. Rubbish.
Wait, why you got two drivers licenses?
One is a fake.
I didn't realize they were this good.
Honestly, right. Full disclosure, yeah?
I was planning on breaking your back like a fucking Kit Kat.
But, fuck me, this shit.
Can you do labels? You know, logos, tags.
Yeah, absolutely.
Right.
Let's pivot this partnership, shall we?
Yeah, let's, yes.
I've got a shipment of beautiful handbags.
They've just come in.
Need some finishing touches.
Ok, like knock-offs?
You winding me up?
No.
Is he winding me up?
Fuck it. Knock-offs?
Knock-offs are what you find at a night market, mate.
These are perfect brand replicas.
- Absolutely they are. - Great.
Well Margo will be around with the bags
and you can work your magic.
I like you, Tryst. I do.
And because I like ya, I'm only gonna break a few bones.
And because you remind me of me, only less handsome,
I'll even let you pick.
Fuck me.
We can talk about this, can't we?
Oh, we're actually doing this.
Ok, fine.
Ok, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Non-dominant index finger, ok? Non-dominant index finger.
[screaming]
Fuck!!!!!!
Cause you never fucking listen to me!
That's why I'm fucking pissed.
This isn't about me!!
This is about you two fucking up a good thing.
Ok, well you are the only one that-
- Zoe! - What?
Please. I am way beyond talking.
Ok. This is my space and what I need is for you two
to get the fuck out of here before you get us all killed.
Ah, shit.
I can fix the settings. Probably too much magenta.
Or something.
And who are you two?
What are you doing to the Rolland?
Get out!
Kids. From down the hall. You know, they drive me crazy.
They had a key.
Do not ever call me again, you understand?!
I am done with the two of you.
Completely done!
So, you can't actually print anything
and you've been lying to me since the beginning.
Big deal.
But it got me thinking, you know, who has?
And Margo mentions these two teenagers.
Who are they?
Err...
I'm not going to ask a second time.
Just a couple kids. They're just a couple kids.
Who have keys to my penthouse
and know the specifics of a flatbed UV printer?
Ok, please just leave them out of this.
Alright, they don't even know about you,
they just print the shit, you know?
Oh no.
[laughing]
They're the ones printing?
No, well... Kind of.
I would very much like to meet them.
Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[phone ringing]
[Operator] 911, what's your emergency?
I'd like to report illegal activity
with ties to organized crime.
Daddy, call the lawyer.
[Tryst] Rebecca?
You weren't supposed to be there!
I was trying to set things down.
[Becca] Tryst, did you have something do with this?
[dial tone]
What if my mom finds out?
She'll probably look at you differently,
but you'll be fine.
Or my dad or Isabelle or Mah Mah.
She'll be so disappointed.
Becca, they love you. They will understand.
This isn't on our permanent record, is it?
Is permanent permanent?
I don't know, B.
How are you so calm?
Zoe fucking Christiansen here.
I am not calm.
I'm literally working through the worst case scenarios
in my head right now and we're not even in the worst one yet.
We're literally arrested.
Yeah, but no one's pressed charges and we're minors.
So let's just see what they have to say.
I'm so glad you're here.
In a cop car?
[chuckles]
No. Beside me.
Me too.
- Hey Margot, what do you need? - They're with me.
Yeah, no problem. Go ahead.
Is that the lady from the penthouse?
What is she doing?
Come with me, we have a few questions.
What?
- We didn't... - What?
Alright. Let's go.
This way. Go.
♪
Does this mean that the charges have been dropped?
- Go. - Jesus fucking christ.
Now.
[panicked breathing]
Ladies. Hey, I am so sorry about the CIA hoods.
It's a little theatrical, I know.
I'm Guy.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you both.
Rebecca Li and Zoe Christiansen.
Is is Christiansen or Christianson?
Whatever you need, we have money.
We can pay you.
I feel like we've already met. Do you know what I mean?
But I've got to say, when I learned
that the two of you have been squatting in my penthouse
for the last few months, I was not happy.
I was not happy at all.
But then, I realized that you two have talent.
There's something special here.
[grunting sounds]
Is that Dad?
See, I would like to discuss a formal business partnership.
What could you do with three Roland printers and $100,000?
$100,000?
That's right.
[muffled grunts]
Who is that?
Wait, wait, wait. Don't look at him.
Look at me.
Hey. I'm the one that got you out of jail.
That's the prick that called the cops.
[heavy breathing]
Joel, fuck it. Take it off.
- Holy fuck. - Oh, my god. Please, no, no.
Relax.
See, that's what happened but it doesn't have to happen.
Alright, come on. Get him out.
We won't..
What are you doing?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
Get him out. Come on.
Get him out.
Easy. Get out.
What?
Now. Out. Let's go.
[muffled speaking]
Ugh!
Your babysitter seems slightly obsolete now, don't he?
Ah, long overdue we cut out the middle man.
Now...
[muffled grunts]
[both] Oh, my god! Oh, my god...
Which one of you's in charge?
[muffled pleading]
♪