♪
How to sell fake IDs:
Step one. Approach your targets. People that want to be seen.
[indistinct chatter]
Step two, gather their pictures. Professional passport photos.
Neutral expression, proper lighting.
♪
No selfies, no filters.
No one is aloud to look good on their drivers license.
Even fake ones.
You can make the best forgery in the world
but if the photos not right, no one will buy it.
♪
Step three.
Hands these pictures to your handlers.
Step four.
Your handlers give these images
to our invisible third party man in the shadows
who creates the fakes for us.
Step five. Deliver, receive, split.
♪
- Got it? - Yes!
Thank you so much for an amazing opportunity.
[accent] Though clever as clever can be
A Crichton of early romance
You must stir it and stump it,
And blow your own trumpet,
Or, trust me, you haven't a chance!
Hey, hey..
♪
Ok, what are we ordering for dinner?
Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Ok, but do not splurge.
Ok, Dad.
Curtesy of Sophie.
Not bad.
However, if we are going to make our month projections
then the singing nerd
is going to have to make some improvements.
You know she has a name, right?
I don't know what to tell you. She seems completely useless.
Hey!
I mean, I thought we discussed that she could sell to the uh...
the losers, the nerds.
Undesirables.
Hey!
Sally is just as important to this team, ok?
Not everybody is Sophie
and cool and popular and tall and beautiful.
Far too many adjectives.
You know, like some of us...
some of us just have these hidden talents.
And it makes us just as valuable.
Hm.
Well, sure thing, nerd.
You'll see.
Sally will be matching Sophie's numbers any day now.
Alright, well, just don't let me down, kid.
I splurged, you jerk.
Hey.
Fuck!
♪
Ok, Sally, um, so are you done or...?
You guys don't get it.
This is only gonna work if I'm in corduroy.
God, this schools so..
No, it's just our gang.
Oh.
Stop it.
Ok, Sally, you've got your script memorized?
Yeah. Yeah, well I added some flair
to make it more personal for them.
No, no, no.
Sally, stick to the script.
Trust me, I know these people.
Woah.
Hot Matthew.
I wonder if it's too late to try and throw back.
Ah! Ok.
Wish me luck!
♪
[accent] When the night wind howls and the chimney cowls,
What is happening?
Fly!
[laughs] Are they having a sing-off?
I have to show Tryst. Oh my-
No, stop, stop, stop.
She is just... That's just how they say hello.
It's actually really beautiful.
Wait, roll down the window so we can hear.
Stop. No, no, no. No. Stop. No.
- Roll down the window. - No, no, no.
I will break your phone, I swear to god!
Rebecca! Stop it!
Think it went really well.
So they're gonna think about it.
You guys see our dance?
Guys?
♪
Zoe? Are you home? Dinner's ready.
Mom, you like the fried pickles Jason brought?
Oh, yeah, I brought these.
Hm. Thanks, Jason.
My favourite.
[chuckles]
Mom, you uh, remember the first time Zoe ate lasagna.
Mm.
You remember, Mom?
I do.
[laughs]
Zoe.
No, obviously not.
- You were three or four. - Mmmhmm.
I couldn't get you to eat anything.
We went and got you this cheese lasagna.
You actually ate it,
but then you passed the dish back to me...
And you said "all full."
But it sounded like-
[both] Awful!
[both laughing]
And there was still pastas, like the whole shape.
You'd just eaten all the cheese and left the rest for us.
- All full. - All full.
- Awful. - Awful.
- Awful! - All full!
[both laughing]
[Angela] That's good.
[Jason] Awful.
Thanks, Z.
Oh! Give that to me.
Sorry.
Are you kidding me? You're drunk?
Were you drinking all of dinner?
No. Why?
You were dropping things,
you're telling these stupid stories.
That story was real.
Ok, I don't know what you're up to.
I'm not up to anything.
But do not show up drunk in front of Mom again.
♪
Hey, look at this.
It's me! Not bad.
Anita Berger. Classic.
Thank you.
Speaking of not too bad.
Sally's theatre friends ordered 20.
That is not too shabby, right? For a senior?
Yeah, not too shabby at all.
But you know what?
Sophie got 100.
[chuckling]
Let's just do this.
Oh man.
Ok, all 20 ready to go.
Here, give it to me with your upstage arm no one can see.
Just take the bag.
Sally, you know that this whole thing,
it's not a performance, right?
Hm. Mmmhmm.
Like this whole thing, it's actually real life.
Mmmhmm.
It's actually like kind of an opportunity for you to like,
be cool.
Zoe, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
You and me?
We're already cool.
♪
[snaps fingers]
I should have tackled her right there and then.
♪
- Hey, honey. - Hi.
I just wanted to let you know that Jason's taking our car.
What?
Well, he's just been laid off
but he's got some interviews lined up and he needs it.
Why was he fired?
I don't know.
Mom. If he's losing his jobs
and he's showing up to dinner
and telling these stupid stories.
Honey.
Dad was the same.
Zoe.
Jason is not your father.
We are just trying to help him put his best foot forward.
That's all.
Whether it means a warm dinner or taking the car.
Look, here's some money for the bus.
Good night, Mom.
Hey! I made a huge mistake! Please don't tell Rebecca!
How could you lose a bag of IDs?
I don't know.
I was gonna hand them out at the theatre bar,
on Friday night, and then they were just gone.
I'm so sorry.
My mom's picking me up after school.
We can go all the places I went yesterday.
Um, maybe my house or my voice teacher's house
or Stanley Park...
How many places did you go?
Ok, everybody just calm down.
We are gonna split up, ok?
Ok.
Becca and I can take the more public spaces.
Ok.
It's a good idea.
Thank you.
[under her breath] Fucking hell.
I'm sorry!
Ok.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Sally, Sally!
Sally, Sally, Sally.
Ok.
So like, what is the worst case scenario here?
We have a bag of actual contraband
with our clients literal faces at large
which could be traced back to our customers
who could point to Sally who could point back to us
at which point we could be suspended,
given a permanent record and goodbye stable employment
and all potential futures.
Wow. Ok.
Tell me how I died, Ghost of Christmas Future,
but like, whatever.
None of that is gonna happen if we find that bag.
Just breathe, ok?
Yeah, I'm breathing.
I'm just embarrassed.
About what? None of this is your fault.
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
I could have helped by being less of a dick to Sally.
You were right. We're all one team.
Ok?
Thanks. That helps.
Ok, we're pulling up to Sally's first stop.
Slow down.
♪
Nope.
So what, she just stood out here and threw rocks at his window?
Maybe.
♪
No.
Cute! [laughs]
Just headshots? Just in the field?
Yep.
- Were you napping? - I'm tired.
I'm calling an Uber.
Wasn't in the trailer
but his assistant eventually took my headshot and...
She didn't even meet him?
No. [knocking]
We're leaving.
- A snack? - No.
- I'm starving! - Well I can't help you.
Actors should always have
two different outdoor headshot photos-
Stop. Stop reading that, forever.
Yeah, I know.
♪
[Becca] What the fuck?!
What? What? What the fuck?!
[talking over each other]
God, this is such a stupid day.
Why are we the ones doing this?
If Sally is stupid enough to lose the cards,
how stupid are we to be chasing after the cards?
No, we're not stupid.
She wasn't my pick.
You said that we are one team.
Yeah, well now I'm exhausted.
[cell phone vibrating]
It's just Clem. Not important.
That's a little mean.
Actually, it's super smart.
I'm not involving him in this, that's wrong.
Kind of like the Fast and Furious family.
They succeed because they're family.
Clem is not family.
It's not that kind of family.
I'm not involving Clem in this, ok?
Fine.
[cell phone vibrating]
- Now he's calling me. - Shit.
What do I do?
I don't know, well, we can't both ignore him.
Just answer it.
Hey, Clem.
[Clem] Hey, are you with Rebecca?
Um, no, I'm at home. I'm just in bed.
[Clem] Oh.
I mean, I'm not in bed, I'm at home.
[Clem] Good, great. No, me too.
Also at home in bed. Um...
Um, ok.
I will text Rebecca for you, ok?
[Clem] Ok, cool.
- Yeah, thanks, bye. - [Clem] Bye.
Thanks.
Yep.
Where is your car anyway?
It's a long story with Jason.
Now I'm stuck taking...
Oh, my god!
What?
Sally doesn't drive.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Oh shit!
- No, she doesn't. - No.
- Mm-mm. - No.
That bitch takes the bus.
Ah, you're in luck.
We did find a lost bag that fits your description.
Oh, thank god.
Picked up on bus 108.
- Oh, yes! - Awesome.
Can we please get it.
You sure can.
Let me just see what bin it's in.
Ok.
Oh.
Oh? What oh?
Yeah, sorry girls.
Every 90 days we transfer our lost and found items
to the local property office for public auction.
Public auction?
Turns out we shipped everything out last night,
your bag included.
Oh, my god.
Don't worry.
It probably hasn't been sorted for auction so soon.
Just run down there before they close.
Everything should be fine.
- Ok, thank you. - Thank you so much!
- Have a good night! - Bye.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Hey, do you have a credit card if we need to bid on it?
Yeah, but like my limit is bust this month, remember?
Becca, it's not gonna be like a million dollars.
You don't know that.
Have you not seen those garbage shoes on TV?
People bid like crazy high amounts
on boxes they've never even opened yet.
Do you mean garage shows? Like Storage Hunters?
We're literally saying the same thing, Zoe.
Ok, whatever.
Hopefully she is right and we can get there on time
and it's not being auctioned.
Ok, just take a left after, maybe...
After the what? Becca?
The property office isn't just some random warehouse.
What do you mean?
[police siren]
Did you find their website yet?
Hold on Hold on. Oh, ok I got it.
- Uh, ok. Most oversize items... - It's not oversize!
Right, right, right.
"Should your item be of general merchandise..."
Yeah, that's it.
Ok, "these single good will be assembled
"into lots generated randomly per date of arrival
"and weight comparatively."
Ok, got it.
Um... do they search the bag?
Um, um, um...
"Due investigation will be conducted
"on all classified private property
"with the exception of external found goods
"from sanctioned and or internal departments
"such as public libraries, community centres
"and transit lost and found."
Yes! Great, fuck yes! Ok, I think I got it.
Sanction request for found personal property 101.
This part was actually legal.
Hi, Larry.
Hiya, hiya.
That is such a great name, by the way.
Thank you.
My first dog was named Larry.
Was it?
Mmmhmm. Yep. Larry Lawrence.
Anyway, we got the runaround from the Metro Vancouver Transit
L&F to retrieve an EFG.
- Ok, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. Super.
Green reusable tote bag with a little smiley face on the side.
Ok, yeah, yeah.
It actually got transferred late last night
from the internal so it probably hasn't been sorted
from bin to lot yet.
Oh, for sure, for sure.
Ok.
Wow, I can't believe that worked.
Oh, my god, good job.
The Vancouver Metro L&F.
Oh! I'm strong.
Oh.
- Oh, my god. - Holy shit.
Ok.
That's what they pay me the big bucks for.
Ok. Name for sign out.
Oh, um. Yes, yes. Um, it is Anita Berger.
Anita Berger.
- B-E-R. - Gotcha.
Alright, can I see an ID?
What?
An ID, Anita?
Yes, yes. Of course.
- Yay. - I know.
Alright. Have a good one.
- Thank you so much. - Thanks so much, Larry.
Okay, now.
- Bye! - Bye.
♪
Oh, my god.
It's ok, it's fine. It was an accident.
Yeah, I accidentally gave a fake ID to an actual officer.
Do you think, wait, does that...
No, no, no, no. No, Zoe!
Bad! Bad! Zoe!
One thing at a time, ok?
Say it.
One thing at a time.
That's right. One thing at a time, ok?
And right now, what's important is that we got the bag back...
Oh, fucking...
What?
Ugh! Ow!
Are you fucking kidding me?!!!!!!
♪