♪
Things are less than ideal.
Day 2 since Tryst went full multi-level marketing on us.
Zoe's handling things... poorly.
[Zoe] Argh!!!!!
Help me get this log into the sea!
Ahhhhhhh!!!!!
I know.
I worry about her sometimes too.
What? It's legal here.
Hm.
[voice modifier] "To whom it may concern:
"Your selling of fraudulent identification
"has been brought to our company's attention.
"You have been selling at the Holy Child Catholic School,
"most notable as our turf.
"We are multi-talented assassins trained in Jujutsu and Krav Maga
"and we are very angry.
"Stop selling fakes or die.
"Yours truly, Kurbstomp_69."
[laughing]
Zoe won't take this well.
♪
[voice modifier] "To whom it may concern:
"Your selling of fraudulent-
Shit! Fuck! Shit!
Hey, Z. Is this yours?
♪
Ok, so we have four days, 12 hours and...
What is that?
It's a cigarillo. They're Spanish.
[Tryst] Y'all good?
Hey, Tryst.
What's up?
Oh.
Very dank cigarillo.
Hey, did you guys know
apparently your non-dominant index finger
is the best one to lose?
Hm.
Crazy, right?
You would have thought it would have been your pinky finger
but, fun fact, just learned it today.
Hm.
Anyway, how's the ID stuff going?
Great.
Dank.
Anyway, I'll see you.
Bye, Tryst.
What the fuck was that?
Tryst being Tryst. Resume.
You said you had a plan.
Right.
I did the math and I think that we can make this work.
We have to go to the print shop after school
and if we get five-gallon EcoTanks
and have them running continuously
from 4:00PM until 3:00AM, until Saturday,
I think that we can swing 200.
Where did you get those?
Stocked your backseat pocket here with snacks.
You what?
Just let me think, Zo!
Okay. Well, I hope that you're checking the expiration dates
and eating them in descending order.
Are you doing that?
Absolutely.
Urgh!
- What? - Nothing!
Are you getting crumbs-
- Zoe look! - What?
Gotcha. [laughs]
Wow.
[printers whirring]
What's wrong?
I don't know.
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!
Oh, my god!
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...!
Everything ok?
What are you trying to print?
- Just something personal. - Just some photos.
Personal photos.
It shouldn't make that noise.
Hey, Geoff, can you come over here?
No, oh, no, no. No Geoff. No Geoff!
No, Geoff, no, no, no!
[Zoe] That was way too close and a dumb fucking idea.
What were we even thinking trying to print in public.
Please, let me count.
One.
It's really not that cold.
Shut up, let me fuss.
Thank you.
[voice modifier] "Listen here, you little shits..."
♪
[voice modifier] "This is our turf."
Shit.
[sighs]
Where were you?
Out.
With you.
I can ask you the same thing.
Sorry.
Ballet Zoe?
She should help you study.
Whatever.
[laughing]
Mah Mah...
[Isabelle] Fuck you Kurbstomp! Eat an actual dick!
Dude! Ever heard of knocking?
Are you ok?
No, we're getting destroyed. Same shitty clan.
What's their name?
What do you care?
I always care.
Kurbstomp_69.
♪
- Ken, here, now. - Hey!
♪
Listen...
Dude! What the shit?
Fuck. I am so sorry. I didn't ask for consent.
That was uncool.
Shut up.
♪
Actually, wait, no. I need a favour.
Mmmhmm?
I need your team.
Oh.
Yeah, they come with a price.
[belching]
[laughing]
Close your mouths.
- What? - Nevermind.
Look, this is the plan, ok?
We need you guys to scare the shit out of these kids, ok?
I'm sending their pics.
[cell phones chime]
- Rebecca. - [laughing]
Yes, Kennedy?
How old are these kids?
Because they look like they're-
Young, I know.
But just stick to the script that I wrote.
We're not traumatizing them,
we're just telling them to leave us alone.
How hard of a tackle do you want?
What the shit? No!
I literally just said no tackles.
[All] Boo!
My god, shut up!
Just scare them, okay, Ken?
You got it, babe.
Ok, boys! Wildcats on three!
[All] Ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho, ho!
[Wildcats] One, two, three, Wild Cats!!!!
[cheering]
♪
Did you text Mom back?
No. No, not yet. Anything important?
No, just Christmas stuff.
Is she coming home?
I don't know.
Ok.
♪
Um, oh my god, you should look over there!
♪
Well, first time that's come in handy.
♪
Hey, buddy. [chuckles nervously]
Ok. About that. I can explain.
[panting]
[breathing]
Why didn't you tell me about this?
Well, you've seemed a little stressed lately.
Oh, what? And you haven't?
That's not what I mean.
What do you mean?
- I can sell this back. - What?
- Yeah. Ikea as is. - Oh, my god.
Ikea, as is.
- Zo, have some water, ok? - Ok.
♪
My reactions have been completely justified.
Ok.
And... look at this.
The cropping's all wrong.
Oh shit.
Yeah, they're all like that.
Ok, we have to call stranger danger
and then we have to make sure that...
No, no, no, no.
Zo', Zo'. We totally got this, ok?
We don't need no man, right?
Especially not me, I just neutralized death threats.
It's physically impossible for the two of us to do this.
Ok? And I have homework! I have a life.
Breathe.
I mean, I think I have a life! I don't know!
Zo, breathe. Breathe, breathe.
Ok? Ok. I'll give you his number, ok?
Ok.
Ready? 778-555-5253.
I 100 percent just made that number up.
You gave me a fake number, didn't you?
I gave you a fake number.
Good form.
Are you kidding me?
Look, you're not thinking straight.
Ow! Zoe!
Look, if you're like this, how am I supposed to give you
the number of a drug dealer who sold fake IDs for us?
He's a drug dealer too?
Ah, shit.
Rebecca, what is your plan because I promise you
your solution is not just gonna walk through the door.
Wait for it.
Hey, is everything ok? I heard yelling.
We are fine.
Ok.
Hey, B. Good call on the no tackle rule.
We probably would have done some serious damage to the lab.
When you say lab...
Not like a lab-lab, like a photo lab.
Mostly printers, not like a dark room or anything.
You know?
- Printers. - Yeah.
They're printing these cards or something,
I don't know.
Ken, can you get me some tater-tots from the caf?
No way, it's Tot Tuesday?
- Uh-huh. - I will be right back.
What?
Why do you have a thinking face?
♪
[clears throat]
We'd like to request an audience with your boss.
♪
Welcome.
You've got to be kidding me!
We're the ones who sent the football bros.
How did you even find us?
You weren't exactly subtle about taking our business.
We have to make illegal ID's
for some Catholic High School kids!
♪
Well, I wouldn't have quite described it like that.
So, how can we help you?
Sounds more like how can we help you.
Seems like a really nice set up you got here.
Would be a pity if your parents
or your principal found out about this.
How many are you pumping out here?
Ten, fifteen fakes an hour?
We get by.
Tell that to me when half of your staff is expelled
and the other half is suspended till prom.
We're not scared of you.
[hits desk]
Listen up, you little shit.
I've had a hell of a week, ok?
You think I'm gonna let you be another hiccup in my day?
Zoe, maybe we should-
And look at this? Is this a joke?
The weight on this isn't even in kilograms.
And a class 2 is not achievable until the age of 19,
according to the new GDL grading system.
These are garbage!
Oh shit.
Let's look at these.
Oh yeah, just like I thought.
Garbage, garbage, garbage, garbage!
This? Garbage, garbage. Goodbye. Garbage!
Oh, look at these, they're so pretty.
Just kidding. They're garbage!!!
The last time your IDs were even valid was in 1998.
We have a proposition for you.
[both] Bad ass! Bad ass! Bad ass! Bad ass! Bad ass!
- [horn honking] - Shit
You know you could just come in
and pick up your grandmas yourselves?
[numerous horns honking]
Hi.
[laughs]
Oh. Bye, bye.
I love this sound.
[laughing] - Mah Mah.
[laughing]
Zoe?
We are.
[knocking]
Hey kid, you need one more?
Uh, hell yes!
[laughing]
♪
What up, dorks.
♪
They're all here on a Saturday?
♪
Um, may I?
Miss Christiansen?
Hi. Remember, it's just Zoe. Ok?
Oh, yeah ok.
How do you use the burn tool?
First...
So about our payment.
Yeah, standard commission stipend regulates
five percent of the sanctioned prototypes value.
You, uh, do know what that is, right Zack?
Of course I do, of course I do.
Okay. It's good to know we're working with professionals.
Mmmhmm.
Oh yeah.
These are... perfect.
You guys nailed it! Well done.
[laughing]
Oh my god. It was all Zoe.
I mean, this girl, on a computer?
No, no, no.
Becca, she, created this whole filing imperfection system.
Stop.
Right on, right one. You know, alright. Whatever.
Alright.
Here you are.
Careful for the handles.
You know, probably should have double bagged it.
- Thanks. - Oh my god.
- Holy fuck! - Oh, my god.
You girls are cool as shit, you know that?
We are?
Oh yeah.
You ever want to make more, hit me up.
But, in the meantime...
Uh...
Come on. Bring it in. You know you want to.
Bring it in. Bring it in.
- Ok. - Ok.
- Feel it? Feel it? - Yeah, yeah, I feel ya.
Ok.
I'll see you around, Bandidas. Deuces.
[cheering]
♪
- Hey. - Hey.
It's kind of nice to hang out.
Yeah. It's been kind of weird
not doing business stuff every day.
Have you talked to Tryst recently?
Nope.
No reason to call him.
He wasn't so bad in the end.
If only someone told you so.
Yeah, I know, it was actually fun.
Yeah, it was.
It, um, kind of made me think of Chilli or Die.
Oh my god. Me too!
- Really? - Yeah.
And that it was so spicy I actually thought
I was gonna die because we ran out of milk.
Um, yeah. You made me kind of sign a will, remember?
[laughs] Oh my god.
I totally did.
Wait, didn't we like add more ghost peppers the next time too?
I don't know what was wrong with us.
[laughs]
You know what? It was a good rush.
This last week was a good rush too.
Yeah.
I miss it.
Me too.
Everything just tasted so bland after.
So boring.
I bet Zoe skips all of this.
So, I've been thinking...
Is this what I think it is?
♪
Ok, ladies, what is so important
that you couldn't tell me over the phone?
I like your car.
Thank you.
Cool. Ok, I'm gonna leave now.
Wait. Uh, we want to make more.
I have some ideas.
Oh?
Let me hear them.
♪