Meegan and Chaad Bishop were lost at sea.
You must learn how to protect yourself.
With one of these.
It's a "comes back stick."
Chaad, where are you?
We need to work together to stay alive.
Oh, my God, civilization.
Banish Susan. No, I--
all: Yeah!
Mom, Dad, we're alive.
I can't stand Meegan and Chaad.
I'm going to pretend to be gay.
The gay clique is the most powerful crew
at my new school. You're dad isn't dead.
He moved down to Boca Raton. What?
What happened to Evanessa?
She's in a coma.
Senior prom,
it's the ultimate popularity contest,
and tomorrow,
I'll be crowned its queen.
Is it because I deserve it?
Absolutely not.
It's because I've taken down
erybody who got in my way.
But what good is that if I can't share every little
backstabbing detail with someone?
Which is why
you're the only person that I can trust
'cause you're in a coma.
Looks like my secrets are safe with you forever,
friend.
Muah.
♪ ♪
Looks like I'm your only friend.
♪ ♪
I just got a brand-new car.
No more driving around in that gupping 2015 model anymore.
I'll take those. Hey, those keys are mine!
Sorry, Parks. No!
Oh, I have your keys.
Not so fast.
♪ ♪
Chaad?
What's up with that outfit, bro?
I'm not Chaad.
I'm the Boom. Okay, crazy,
'cause you look just like Chaad.
Okay, you're the Boom.
♪ ♪
I believe these belong to you.
Oh, my God, thank you.
Boom.
They love you, Boom.
How can I ever thank you?
Oh, right, cash.
♪ ♪
If a wealthy person is ever in trouble,
if a private security team isn't available,
I'll be there.
I am...
the Boom.
♪ ♪
Probably calls himself the Boom because of the boomerang.
all: Oh. I get it.
I have something to tell you.
You may want to brace yourself for this.
I'm not gay.
I've just been pretending
for the popularity.
God, it feels so good to say it.
You know, it's almost as good as sleeping with a girl.
Thanks, Ev.
You know, I know my secret is safe with you.
Are--are we vibing right now?
♪ ♪
Bea, Parks, what's your prom sitch?
Gonna wear dresses? Something short and sheer?
Strapless, lots of cleave?
Maybe some accidental nip?
Ew, go take a cold shower.
It's, like, all you gays can think about is women's apparel.
Braff, breeders,
I'm gaga.
Not Lady, just excited
that "Prommer's" will be documenting our prom tomorrow.
We're all gonna be so famous.
Like...hot, missing,
presumed murdered girl famous.
What's "Promers?"
What? Oh, it's only, like,
the most popular reality series ever.
Look, it's basically "Best Chef,"
but instead of chefs, it's proms,
and instead of best, it's bestest.
Yeah, it's actually more like, "Beat the Swede,"
only, instead of of figuring out which bloke is Swedish,
and repeatedly punching him in the sack,
it's just a crew of cameras
coming to your prom and filming it.
Exactly, but it's even more like
how you're a boring lawyer,
only, instead of everything about that,
it's about a TV crew that picks a high school
to film their prom and then everyone in America watches.
Huh.
So it's like "America's Best Daddies"?
together: Exactly.
And if you're prom queen on "Promers,"
you're, like, America's prom queen.
Did you say, "America's prom queen"?
That's a lot better than regular prom queen, right?
Yeah.
I need to get on "Promers" and win.
Yeah, well, it's too bad you can't
run a dirty campaign and get elected this time.
Huh, Meegs?
Maybe I can, Braff.
Maybe. I. Can. Braff.
Hey, Evanessa.
I'm only telling you this secret.
I'm the Boom.
And when I put the costume on,
I'm not just some super rich, rad guy
who eats cheese pizza upside down,
so the cheese flavor hits my tongue easier.
I'm a superhero
with the power of a boomerang.
And I also think I look pretty dope in a hoodie.
But the Boom ain't afraid of nothing...
except boats.
I swore I'd never go on a boat again
after the accident, but you can't tell anyone.
No one can know
the Boom's greatest weakness.
Boats.
♪ ♪
Thank you for not laughing or smiling
or judging me or breathing much.
I know my secret's safe with you.
Boats.
Chaad, where are you?
Where the gup have you been, Chaad?
"Promers" is coming to film our prom
and if we're voted prom king and queen--
Not now!
♪ ♪
You're the Boom?
This is popularity suicide.
No, it's worse. It's popularity murder-suicide
because you're taking me down with you.
How are we supposed to be voted prom king and queen
if you look like the hottest member of 5 Seconds of Summer?
Huh, Chaad?
Chaad is gone.
I am the Boom.
You better not have used my eyeliner.
♪ ♪
You.
Good, you know how to point at your chest.
Come here.
♪ ♪
I'm sure you have a name or whatever,
but I'll never remember it.
Actually, that's perfect. I'll call you "Whatever."
Okay, listen up, Whatever. We've got a job to do.
I want to be prom queen, and you're gonna help me
take down every person in my path.
Which means, every eligible girl at this school.
Okay. Shut up, I'm trying to think.
We need to pinpoint every single person's weakness,
and take them down one by one.
But-- There's Darcy, Parker,
Evanessa, Beatrix, even Braff.
Each one has an Achilles' heel,
and you're gonna help me find it.
If there are that many people,
why don't you take them all out at once?
Ugh. No, listen.
I play a lot of role playing games,
and I was playing "The Castles of Muldoon,"
and having a similar problem, when--
Bo-do-do-do.
Fast forward to the part where it gets interesting.
Uh, well, uh, instead of defeating them one by one,
which is very energy intensive,
I poisoned them all at once using the same tonic.
Tell me more about
where I can get this tonic.
I mean, you have to go to the dwarf castle
and trade in your first aid kit--
I don't mean the whole thing. My point is, think about it.
What's something that everyone uses,
but no one would think to look for?
Hmm.
Vaginal tightening gel.
That's perfect. Tomorrow night,
I'll go get my mom's tube, and put it in the prom hummus.
Every single one of my competitors
will get violent food poisoning,
eliminating them from the competition.
Forcing America to vote for me as prom queen.
They'll also get really tight vaginas, so...
I know Meegan and Chaad are dying
to be prom king and queen,
but it's not gonna be that easy
because this year,
prom is going to be...
♪ ♪
Good, right?
I'm so bad.
♪ ♪
Anyway, I know I'm just blabbing away here,
but it's just really nice knowing
that my secrets are totally safe with you.
♪ ♪
You shouldn't be
following me, Parker.
The Boom must boom alone...
to protect the ones I love.
But, Chaad, you're famous now.
That's, like, double popular.
Everybody is saying you're a shoo-in
for "Promers" prom king. Really?
I mean, really?
Sorry, it's hard to talk like this all the time.
America's gonna love you.
Especially if you do some of your boomerang stuff
on the boat. Boat?
Yeah, the prom boat.
The theme is "C students."
You know, the water, our GPAs.
So not on a real literal boat?
Um, yeah, no, it says it on the posters.
♪ ♪
How we doing? Okay.
♪ ♪
Oh, c--oh, my God.
It's a mir--it's a miracle.
We've gotta get you to the prom.
♪ We can still party like the night never ended ♪
♪ We can still party like the night never... ♪
Eyes down,
find the bulge,
concentrate on it.
♪ We can still party like the night never ended... ♪
Since you're only half Jewish,
my mom said you can only put it half in.
♪ But the night never ended... ♪
I can't believe you wore the same dress as me.
♪ And we can party hard... ♪
Oh, God, you know how to dance, right?
I actually did memorize the Dothraki fertility dance
from episode six of-- Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Come on, Boom.
Suck it up.
No way two boats sink in the same year.
♪ ♪
"What's up, America? "Promers" is back.
Proming it to you as we prom across the promenade
of America's promiest proms,
and this time, we're in the open ocean
aboard the Brewster Bay prom boat.
We'll be meeting with this crop of promers here shortly.
So for right now, get ready because you'll be deciding
America's prom queen tonight.
And we're clear.
I love my life. Whew.
♪ Let's light up the whole town... ♪
A little vaginal tightening gel.
♪ To everyone that's all around ♪
Meegs.
How is this boat not
making you anxious?
I feel like we just found out Dad died
and we had to cancel a massage appointment
for his funeral.
Oh, so now you want to talk to me?
It doesn't work like that, twinsie.
I've got a new bro now,
and his name is... It's, um, Bran--
It doesn't matter what his name is.
What matters is that you're on your own.
Good-bye.
♪ I'll never get over you ♪
"Promers" wants to know what you're
most proming forward to tonight.
Looking forward to?
Proming forward. Prom on.
I don't know what you're saying.
Would you like to do a "Promers" shout out?
Sure.
Hey, Dad.
I know you're actually alive. A demon told me,
so have fun with your wife and your new kid in Boca.
♪ ♪
Okay.
And...we're clear.
I don't think we can use any of that, yeah.
Is everybody's vagina feeling super tight right now
or is it just me?
Good evening, students,
"Promers."
Welcome to the Brewster Bay Prep Senior Prom,
which you all know is on a great big boat,
but I'm sure that won't bother most of you.
So, we're about to say "bye-bye" to the coast,
and "hello" to the open seas
for at least the next four hours.
Where nothing bad could possibly happen.
Oh, my God, Evanessa?
Oh, my God.
Look who it is. No way.
.
Evanessa?
♪ ♪
Evanessa? Why's Evanessa here?
Evanessa, my BFF,
what're you doing here?
Well, she wanted to come to prom
because she has something very important to say
about all of her fellow students.
I think. I think that's what she meant.
I'm not sure if that's exactly what she was saying
'cause she was just fluttering her eyelids.
If only she could speak.
I know, I'll speak for her
'cause we were so close,
and I can read her mind.
"Meegan, if I had one wish,
"it would be for Brewster Bay and America
to vote for you as prom--"
Her eyelids, the fluttering,
that's Morse code. Really?
Ooh, tell us more. Or don't.
Or just leave.
She says, "She has secrets to tell.
"Like, lots and lots
of secrets,"
and then she spelled out:
W-I-N--"wink."
"Wink." She spelled out "wink."
I think what this pretty girl is trying to say is:
"Braff, you're not only my best friend,
"but you're my gay best friend.
"which is the best kind of best friend,
"and even though I'm totally vibing with you,
"I understand that we could never be together
"'cause you're gay.
"Also, we don't even need to let America vote.
"You should be both prom king
"and queen.
Amen."
all: Speech.
No! No!
Wait!
She's actually trying to say something.
"Like, OMG.
"Like, I am really,
"like, ex-psych-ted
"to talk.
"It is been super long
'cause of my comma..."
She means coma.
"But, like,
"I got so many
"of U-R secrets.
"Like, um,
"that one time,
"like, um,
that guy, like, um, like..."
This is going to take hours.
I'm bored, right?
We--we should stop listening to this.
"Um, Chaad told me..." Stop.
Whoa.
together: Boom!
Chaad, not now.
Why do we need to vote
on one king
and one queen?
Look at our trust funds.
We're all kings and queens.
together: Boom!
This is prom, people!
together: Boom!
Kings and queens!
together: Boom!
No!
This meaningless little popularity contest
that you little idiot inbreds are playing
means nothing in the real world.
I used to think it was just Meegan and Chaad,
but it's all of you,
and I am gonna save the world from you
by killing everyone in this room.
Nice try, Tarcher,
but I'm a lawyer, and I happen to know
murder is illegal.
Not in international waters.
The only reason I held prom on a boat
was to give myself maritime amnesty.
I planted a bomb in the engine room,
and in a couple of minutes it's gonna go off,
and all you little monsters are gonna be
at the bottom of the ocean.
See you in hell.
♪ ♪
Wow, this prom has really taken a turn for the prom-st.
Parker, is Tarcher right?
Can she kill us just because we're in water?
Which ocean is this?
Boom, save us.
I used to think I only had
one weakness...
boats.
But I realized
I'm also afraid of bombs.
Boats
and bombs.
God, Tarcher's plan was perfect.
Well, at least we'll all die prom kings and queens, right?
No!
This is not how the world works.
Everyone can't be prom king and queen.
That would mean that everyone is equal,
and they aren't. They just aren't!
There's only a few special people in the world,
and I am one of them.
Meegan, this isn't about you right now.
Oh, shut up, Parker. No one even likes you.
You think being a teenage lawyer makes you special?
It doesn't. It just makes you smart,
and we all know that doesn't get you anywhere.
Um, let's not worry about what people are or aren't.
We need to get to that bomb.
Says the liar.
You all know he's not gay, right?
He's just pretending to be to be cool.
This is what Braff looked like last year.
And you,
you're not that skinny. 115 at best.
You're borderline obese.
Stop, Meegan.
We need to get to the engine room.
I'll stop when I'm done, Chaad.
Wow.
Things have just gotten intense here.
We're all about to die,
but the results of the live voting
have just come in.
Prom queen winner is:
Meegan Bishop.
Oh, my God, Chaad, did you hear that?
I'm America's prom queen! I'm special!
Oh, my God, guys,
I can, like, move,
and talk!
Oh, my God, it's, like...
It feels so goo...
Oh, gup, not again.
Stranded.
This can't be. I was back on top.
I was America's prom queen!
It's okay.
You'll always be my prom queen.
Meegan, Chaad!
Get 'em!
♪ ♪