Meegan and Chaad Bishop were lost at sea
three months ago
and are presumed dead.
Mom, Dad, we're alive.
Geez, Dad, I thought you and Mom would be psyched we were alive.
The case against your father, they won.
Real estate, the golf course, everything.
We're poor, baby.
♪ ♪
♪ Take a look around ♪
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
♪ I don't want to say it ♪
♪ But I'm gonna say it anyway ♪
Did you guys know that in public school
their nurse's offices aren't like this at all?
Wait, what do you mean?
I just mean they don't have, like, B12 shots
or lymphatic drainage massage
or preventative human growth hormone.
Public school is for garbage people.
I never want to go there.
So are you guys excited about the daddy-daughter sleepover
tomorrow night?
Me and my dad are totally BFFs so it's gonna be a blast.
What are you gonna do
now that your dad's been publicly shunned?
Oh, I didn't tell you guys? I cut him off.
I mean, I don't need that kind of negativity in my life,
but don't worry.
I'm bringing my new dad.
I think you're making the right decision.
Your old dad is bankrupt and that's sad.
I know. He's dead to me.
My dad is actually dead,
not just to me!
I kind of feel bad.
Don't.
Her dad's been dead for two weeks.
It's, like, get over it.
♪ ♪
It's not that I don't like my friends,
I think we photograph really well together,
it's just sometimes they can be really sophomoric.
Oh, Daddy! I was just telling--
We are in acquisitions and demolitions, okay?
Which means we need to acquire something big
and demolish it soon
or we won't meet the year-end quotas.
Yeah.
Daddy, I was just telling, um...
her about the daddy-daughter sleepover tonight.
Talk to my secretary.
Give me good news, Janis.
What was that?
Do you think he's mad at me?
Are we in a fight?
Why is he icing me out?
Beatrix, honey. Wait up.
Old Dad.
What are you doing here?
Listen, I just--
I wanted to see if you were gonna go
to the daddy-daughter sleepover this year.
I thought maybe we could go together for old times' sake.
Seriously?
Old Dad, we've been over this.
Mom's new husband makes so much more than you,
and he's British,
so he's my new dad.
That is who I'm taking to the sleepover.
You need to stop making things so hard on yourself
and just move on.
But, Bea-- Look.
You lost everything in the case against the farmer's union.
Deal with it.
You're bankrupt
and poor,
and I'm just over it.
It's not about that.
Look, it's the one time of year
I get to be around my other dad friends.
Okay.
They're not your friends anymore.
This is really hard for me,
but good-bye.
Forever.
♪ ♪
Oh, I doubt this will be
the last time you see me, Beatrix.
♪ ♪
Oh,
♪ David ♪
It's actually just Dave, ma'am.
My parents were poor.
Listen, tonight is the daddy-daughter sleepover,
so you know what that means.
Sure do, it means some of the most powerful men
and little ladies in town are gonna be bedding down
right here tonight.
Love is in the air.
Seems like the wrong metaphor to make for a daddy-daughter thing.
Shut up.
If you can keep us safe tonight,
you're gonna come up smelling like roses.
Well, uh, don't you fret, ma'am.
I got you covered.
I don't have my daddy here tonight,
so I'm gonna need someone else to smell my roses
because I love a man with a great big badge.
I--I, uh...
I don't know if I follow.
♪ ♪
You just keep us safe tonight, okay?
♪ ♪
Hey, Parker, what's wrong?
I miss my dad.
I mean...
I know I should get over it.
It's been two weeks. It just--
I just wish I could talk to him one more time.
♪ With my back against the wall ♪
You can.
I know. I know.
In my heart or whatever. No.
I mean, there's this app called The Gateway to the Beyond.
Just download it.
Really? Yeah.
And when it asks you if you want to go to Hell,
just select "yes,"
and then there's a portal to Hell.
Do you think my dad's in Hell?
♪ Free me from the pressure ♪
♪ Free me from my dreams ♪
Yeah.
♪ Make me ♪
♪ ♪
So I know everyone thought that I was a dope leprechaun
in the school play, but now that the school play's over,
my mom thinks I should keep the leprechaun traits on the DL.
What do you think?
Listen, as your guidance counselor,
I totally understand your very normal adolescent desire
to blend, but as your publicist, I feel like I need to tell you
that blending is for nobodies and branding is for somebodies,
and you're somebody.
Leprechaun Boy.
Yeah?
Yeah! Oh, yeah.
We are gonna lean into this leprechaun thing hard, okay?
It is perfect because posers can't imitate it.
I'm gonna secure some major endorsements for you.
Quick question: do you like charm bracelets?
Uh-- The answer is you love charm bracelets.
Now get out of here. I have a lot of calls to make.
I am very excited about this.
Okay, cool.
Ms. Waxman, do you have a minute?
The name is Coco. Sit down.
Real, real quick.
I literally have two minutes.
It's been a crazy day and I really have to pee.
Tonight's the daddy-daughter sleepover
and my daddy has been really distant.
We used to be BFF, and now he's been icing me out,
but it--If I go alone, it's social suicide.
What do I do?
Well, I say you got to play it
like every other celebrity couple, okay?
Even if you hate each other, you show up on that red carpet
and you are all smiles.
Fake it till you make it.
Like Michelle and Barack.
Got it.
But first we got to get him there.
How are we gonna get him there?
Um...
does your dad like Kanye West?
Who doesn't?
I'm gonna have Yeezy call your dad
and tell him to get his ass
to the daddy-daughter sleepover tonight
as a personal favor.
Wow.
♪ ♪
♪ Stick it ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Stick it ♪
♪ ♪
I have a reputation to maintain,
and this guy--this guy shows up on the tennis courts
wearing trainers.
Can you believe it? Trainers.
He tricked me.
He told me we were going to play racquetball.
That was a good one, Michael.
Ooh, don't look now.
A gastroenterologist just walked in.
♪ ♪
Hello, boys. New Dad.
How's everyone's colons this evening?
Demolish. Yeah.
♪ ♪
What's the good word, gentlemen?
We were just talking about our colons.
Just fake it till you make it.
Ooh-ho, yeah.
What up, Dad?
Hoo.
Don't leave me hanging.
♪ Stick it ♪
Daddy-o. Go for Jacq.
Mm-hmm.
Wha--Anybody thirsty?
♪ Fast as you can ♪
Who's thirsty?
Mm-hmm. Cool.
Very cool.
She gives me the idiot shivers.
Idiot shivers.
♪ ♪
"Do you want to go to Hell now?"
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Well, this is literally my--
Hell? Exactly.
Welcome to Hell!
Just kidding.
Your Hell, anyway.
Everybody's is a little bit different.
Okay.
Uh, well, I'm looking for my dad.
Okay. So is he, like, in this Hell?
Is he in a different Hell? Like, how does this work?
Well, he would be in his own Hell.
Let me just locate that for you.
Oh.
Bad news, chica.
Oh, sorry, can you just not call me "chica"?
It, like, gives me a visceral reaction when I hear "chica."
Oh, really? I'm so sorry.
Are you being bothered in Hell?
That's kind of the whole point.
It's all part of the whole Hell thing.
So here's the deal.
The other week when your dad came in,
we were trying out this new check-in guy,
and he was a total dud, so all the records are, like,
messed up, but don't worry.
Your dad is in Hell and I am gonna help you find him.
How's it going, Gloria?
Getting that potassium?
Rose petals?
Miss Tarcher would love this.
I should follow the trail and tell her what I find.
♪ ♪
New Dad?
Hey!
Somebody's been playing.
They're talking about golf without me.
♪ ♪
How could they?
♪ ♪
Lovely to meet you too, Beatrix.
Wow, you dad was so nice to me, Meegs.
I think we have a deal.
The building's yours.
Ooh, I got you a martini.
Your favorite.
Would you excuse me for a moment?
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
Oh, Dad, congrats.
What did you acquire?
I--Oh.
This is--This is silly.
Meegan, please.
♪ ♪
What the hell?
♪ ♪
Dad?
Dad, are you here?
He's not in here either.
Oh.
Huh.
I guess I got some bad info.
Uh... don't worry.
We'll find him.
♪ ♪
This looks like my room but, like, super messy.
Uh, it is your room.
Then where's my maid?
Uh, guess what, Parker.
In your Hell, the maid only comes once a week.
♪ ♪
Get me out of here!
♪ ♪
Is this for working out?
Or what is this?
It's for yoga.
For yoga? Yeah.
There's no bottom? No.
Doesn't it clip on the-- Does it clip?
No, it doesn't. It's for hot yoga.
Like, a unit? Oh, you do hot yoga?
Gross. You don't like it?
No. Same carpet over--Ugh.
I wond--I think they clean the carpet.
Why don't you just go to a hospital
and beg them to give you MRSA?
It's gross.
♪ ♪
♪ Big, mean, muscle-bound ♪
♪ Guido in my bed ♪
♪ Slicked back, greasy black ♪
♪ Square-jawed head ♪
♪ You better beat it real quick before my roommates wake up ♪
Mrs. T?
You found me.
Yeah, did you catch the guy who wasted all these roses?
Oh, David.
Oh, me.
Just because I can't afford the country club anymore,
you just drop me as a friend?
You think you can just let in this new guy
and he can replace me?
Well, if I can't be in the group,
then nobody can!
Let me in!
♪ ♪
Let me ask you something, Davey.
♪ Dripping down your face ♪
You ever sex it out in a classroom?
No.
That'd be against the rules.
You know, that's why I'm so hot for you, Davey.
You and I are the same.
We make the rules,
so we get to break them.
♪ ♪
Just push.
There we go. Just--
Inch yourself.
Oh, well, okay. Try it again.
Yeah. Push.
Just push. Push me.
Push with me. Push me.
Right, there. Yeah.
I'm stuck on my belt. Come--
I'm stuck on my belt.
Where is he?
Oh, there he is. Dad!
I have just acquired
the perfect piece of real estate to demolish.
Not only will our year-end quotas be met,
but I am sure to be the toast at this year's annual
acquisitions and demolitions gala
because we are going to bulldoze my daughter's school.
What are you doing?
You can't bulldoze my school. What about me?
What--What about my friends?
Where will we go?
♪ ♪
Public school.
♪ ♪
Listen up, everyone.
I think it's time that we play
everyone's favorite sleepover game,
and my dad is up first.
♪ ♪
Dad, truth or dare or lie or fap or kill
or vegetable or mineral?
♪ ♪
Truth.
Is it true that you recently acquired the school
under false pretenses from Beatrix's new dad
just so you could bulldoze it
and send us all to public school?
♪ ♪
Yes.
Nobody move! Ugh.
Old Dad, what are you doing here?
Everybody, listen up!
I want to be included in this sleepover, okay?
Now, if you guys don't let me hang out with you,
your precious friend here gets it, okay?
Go ahead.
Nobody here likes him.
He was gonna send us to public school.
Wait, what? No!
That's--That's not how you're supposed to react!
I'm on it.
Dad. Dad!
What?
That man was a machine.
A robot, to be exact.
♪ ♪
And I should know.
I created him.
♪ ♪
You see, I'm not just a gastroenterologist.
I also build robots.
All right, Dr. Pike, we get it.
You're busy.
And so are you, Dale.
And so are all of you.
Don't you get it?
I created this robot for us!
I'm sure you have all wished
that there could be more of you, right?
That you could get more work done,
be in two places at the same time,
have someone else deal with your family's emotional demands.
He's right!
And I, for one, would love to invest.
Me too.
No.
All serious investors are more than welcome
to come down to the laboratory to see the new prototypes.
In fact, why don't we all just do that right now?
♪ ♪
Where are you going?
Somebody help him!
I'll tell you right now, I'm very serious.
♪ ♪
You're all doctors!
♪ ♪
Goodwill?
This is hopeless.
My dad is dead, he's lost in Hell,
and I'm never gonna see him again.
Parker...
the reason we haven't found your dad...
Is that I am your dad.
♪ ♪
What?
No, no, no, no, no.
Just kidding. I'm totally gupping with you.
I'm not really your dad.
Come on, I'm a demon.
What do you want from me? So where is he really?
Well, brace yourself.
This might come as a shock.
Your dad's not in Hell.
He's in Heaven?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Heaven's not real.
No, your dad's not in Hell because he isn't dead.
What? Don't get too excited though.
He--He faked his own death.
Tax purposes.
Then he moved down to Boca Raton.
Again, tax purposes.
And there he met this really, just homerun of a girl
who's a lot younger than your mom
and they live together.
They didn't get married. Again, tax reasons.
She's got this daughter that's about your age,
and he loves her more than anything he's ever loved before.
Ever. You know how it is.
Sometimes you just need a fresh start.
You know? Right?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no.
I--That makes sense.
But I hope that doesn't make things weird between us
'cause I totally feel like we're buds and that we can hang.
Like, I was just thinking to myself,
"I can't wait till she dies.
I wish we could hang all the time."
I'm going to Hell?
♪ ♪
Oh. Oh, um...
I'm messing with you!
Of course I'm going to Hell.
Oh, God.
You bitch, you got me.
♪ All the sand ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Has blown away ♪
♪ All I wanted was a change ♪
Dad?
You're alive? Where are you?
Sweetie, I'm in Paris with Kanye,
and we're working on "Watch the Throne Two."
What?
Yeah, he called me earlier and he told me
to go to the sleepover, and I was totally going to go,
but then we kept talking and realized we have
a lot in common, and then he asked me to come
hang at the studio, and I thought, "Why not?"
So I sent robot me to the sleepover.
Oh, everything makes sense now.
You weren't icing me out.
You were just a robot.
We're still besties?
Hold your horses.
You did just royally screw up an important deal for me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just-- Hang on.
Now release those horses because you have finally
earned my respect,
as intentionally screwing people over
is exactly what business is all about.
You mean it?
I do. Good job, honey.
But watch your back because I am coming for you
and I will destroy you.
I love you too, Dad.
♪ ♪
♪ You take me away ♪
♪ ♪
Help.
Help me.
♪ ♪
She's sexing me to death.
♪ Oh, David ♪
♪ ♪
I just didn't get the whole roses thing.
You got to help me.
Don't worry.
I'll get you out of here, Davey.
Sweet, sweet Davey.
♪ ♪
You ever sex it up in a classroom, Davey?
♪ ♪
No.
No, not again.
Yeah. God, not again.
Beautiful boy.
So you want to know where we were all summer.
Do you know what an island is?
You're on a strange and dangerous island.
You must learn how to protect yourself
with one of these.
It's a comes-back stick.
I need to find my sister and get us off this island.
Chaad, where are you?
We need to work together to stay alive.
Oh, my God. Civilization.
When we obey the gods, they reward us.
I'm a gift from the gods.
Yes, yes. We are here to obey.
That is fierce. Oh, my God.
I was like, "How am I gonna talk to her about this?"
Like, awkward sandwich with a side of uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Wait a minute. Now, this is yoga too?
Oh, yeah.
I feel like you could wear that out.
Oh, yeah, no, it's hot. It's just for yoga.
Huh. That's weird.
Okay, okay. Favorite yoga pose on three.
One, two, three.
both: Savasana.
No way!
♪ ♪