Oh, yeah! Oh, fuck! Yeah, just like that! Back it up! Get back!
Back it up.
Jesus Christ, Sus, you're gonna snap it off!
- Stop it. You're such a pussy! - Aw, man.
Yeah, Ricky! Just like that!
Give me that big gay cock!
You sexy gay...
- wannabe! - Susan, I'm not a gay wannabe!
- You gotta stop calling me gay! - Yes, you are!
- The gayer it is, the better! - Aw, gross.
- All right, fuck it! - Give me the gay cock! Deeper!
- I'm gay! How's that? - Deeper!
Mom!
- Oh, my God, Mo! - Jesus Christ!
I'm really happy that Dad gave us a nice room in a trailer to live in
and I love that Mo gets to spend time with his granddad...
- Gayer! - But I just think it's time for us
to get our own place.
Mo getting hit in the head and almost strangled with clacker balls
is not cool.
You're really good at that.
- Thanks. - Deeper! Gayer!
- You just can't blink. - Deeper! Gayer!
- It's tough. - Gayer!
Fuck. Would you just straighten it, for fuck sakes? My back's breaking.
It's a fuckin' axle. It's not easy, man.
Schwarzenegger could straighten it with his fuckin' teeth,
so what's your problem? You got muscles just as big as his.
Well, I'm not fuckin' Schwarzenegger,
so I don't know what the fuck to tell you.
He'd bend it with his hands over his hard cock
and be like, "Oh, strength, baby!"
- You can too, I know you can. - Fuck!
Hey, boys.
Beautiful fucking day, isn't it?
Got problems with the fruit cart?
Oh, no. Not fuckin' happening.
You get the fuck out of this park, you cum magnet,
or I'll put a bullet in your fuckin' loadsack!
Calm the fuck down, fruity the goon. Holster your lady pistol.
- I'm here with an offer. - Here's my offer.
Get the fuck outta here, Cyrus.
Whoa, okay.
So what I'm hearing is
that you monkey dicks aren't interested in making two grand cash.
That's right. Fuck off or I'm shitting in your car.
Shit in my car, I'll shit in ya mouth!
You don't have the balls to shit on anything. Go!
You obviously don't know anything about my balls,
because if you did, you'd know they're fuckin' huge
and they're hairy as fuck.
And they've got fucking work to do.
On all your mothers' chins!
Boom! You just got Cyrus'd!
Okay, so this is it. Er...
Kenny and Delby just moved out,
so we'll be patching up all those squirrel holes right there and...
and you'll most likely be able to get rid of those vomit and sex stains
- out of the carpets. - I love it already, Dad.
Is this the bedroom?
Donnie!
Get outta here! You passed out in the wrong friggin' trailer again!
Ew, I think he peed himself.
Randy, you fuckin' cocksucker!
I was having a great dream about fucking something in a tree!
Jesus Christ, you're fucked in the head, Donnie.
I love it, Dad. When can we move in?
Hold on a minute. It's a lot of rent every month.
That's fine. Jacob's starting a third job.
I'm patching tires at Pudgie's.
Okay, but just think about it, Trin.
Paying for this trailer and mine? Three jobs mightn't be enough.
Jacob, you're gonna have to get a fourth job.
Dad, if we're living here, we're not paying for your trailer anymore.
You might have to get a job.
Let's see how Jacob makes out first,
because you know I don't really work, right?
Trin, don't look at me like that.
Fuck. Look, we'll figure it out, okay, sweetie?
Let's do it. Let's fuckin' make it happen.
Okay, so Barb gets the first and last month's lot fees.
There's two months security,
some taxes, and I get my realty cut.
So, we're looking at around $1800 up front.
- 1800? - We can't afford that.
Don't worry, I'll take care of it, Trin. Somehow.
Ricky comes to me, wanting to go on a fuckin' liquor store robbing spree
and he totally thinks it's easy.
What the fuck is wrong with his brain?
I mean, how's he gonna help Trin when he's in jail?
He's stupid.
Jesus Christ, Bubs, what the fuck are you doing?
Well, the fuckin' axle's still bent, so whose fault is it
- that I'm loop-diddy-loos? - My fault?
- Yes! - It's not my fuckin' fault!
So, anyway, I came up with a plan and it'll work.
Unfortunately, though, this plan sucks
and when I mean it sucks, it really sucks.
You shit-leaks just wait here.
Well, look who decided they wanted to check out
what the big C had to offer.
Step the fuck into my office, boys.
Why are we meeting in a shitty old piss-covered gas station bathroom?
'Cause I don't trust you three-musky-queers,
plus, it's where Fonzie had all his meetings.
Oh, so you're admitting you model yourself after The Fonz?
Shut the fuck up, four-eyes!
Hey, man, we don't want any trouble.
Just cool it.
Nice one.
There's a ledge over here. Should we sit on it?
What's your favorite letter, Cyrus?
I'm guessing it's...
"A".
All right, fuck off with the Fonzie shit!
Here's the deal.
Drop off a couple of kilos of hash, point A to point B.
Two G's to drop off a couple kilos. What's the fuckin' catch?
No catch. I'm still on parole, so I can't risk it.
Boys, does this not sound too good to be true to anybody?
We'll do it, but don't be fucking us over here, Cyrus.
Whoa, hey!
The C-man doesn't fuck people around anymore.
Holy fuck, this smells good.
This is like old '80s bikers hash.
I didn't know this still existed.
Ricky, why the fuck would you open it?
If you were a pizza delivery guy, would you open the box,
smelling the fuckin' slices?
Fuckin' right I would, I love pizza.
Just leave the fuckin' stuff alone. No tampering!
We should say "Fuck Cyrus", keep a bit of this
and sell it ourselves.
No, just stick to the fuckin' plan!
He'd do it to us. Know how much money we'd make if we sold this?
Hey, wait, how much money are we talking about here, Ricky?
We're talking about 20 or 30 fuckin' grand.
- What do we do here, Julian? - Go straight on.
- No, don't fucking keep going straight! - Guys!
What are you doing? Just don't do this, please!
This is kinda nuts. If we just do the deal,
we'll have enough to get the trailer.
Shut the fuck up, Jacob.
We're doing this for you and my daughter,
you'll have enough to renovate that shit trailer you're buying.
Boys, I got a bad fuckin' feeling about this,
- just for the record. - Bubs, it's Cyrus. Fuck Cyrus.
- Yeah, fuck him. - He's turning around, guys.
Oh, perfect!
Come on, pussy, you wanna fuckin' play?
Well, let's play!
Bubs, shut the fuck up!
- He's shooting at us! - You big fruity fucks
made a big fuckin' mistake, you have no fuckin' idea!
Bye-bye, Arthur Fonzo Fuck-offy!
See how easy that was, Bubs?
Oh, yeah, of course. Yep. Here we fuckin' go!
- Got a plan for this, boys? - Maybe just pull over.
Trin'll be pissed if I go to jail again.
Yeah, that's a great fuckin' idea, Eins-istein.
Let's just pull over.
Better yet, why not just drive to the fuckin' prison?
We've got two fucking kilos of hash in here!
Ricky, what the fuck?
Oh, please, Lord, you cocksucker! You fuckin' owe me one here!
Please just get us through this!
Fuck! Ricky, get us out of this fuckin' cornfield!
I'm fuckin' trying!
Fuckin' right on, dudes! We lost 'em!
We're home free!
Fuckin' Christ, the bridge.
Let's cross it, hide in Bedford for a couple hours,
let the heat cool.
Good call, man. Nice fuckin' driving, Ricky.
Oh, baby!
- I'm fuckin' losing it here, boys! - Okay!
You know what? Sorry, boys!
- This has to go right the fuck out! - What are you doing?
- Bubs, what the fuck?
Too bad!
Oh, fuck, no, no!
I can't let this hash sink to the bottom! It smelled too fuckin' good!
Ricky, don't do it!
From this height, it'll be like hitting fuckin' cement! You'll die!
Stay right there! Don't move!
Officers, I'm sorry, but just know this:
I did everything for my daughter. Her name is Trinity.
I was trying to be a good dad, trying to get enough money
so she could get her own place for her and her loser husband
and her son, the Mo-tel.
And I fuckin' let her down.
It's okay, son! There's no reason to kill yourself!
Kill myself? Oh, yeah...
I was fuckin' totally going to kill myself.
Life's so fuckin' hard right now, guys.
Anyway, it's nice to meet you guys.
I respect what you do, but I'm done.
Wait!
Look, son, life may be hard right now,
but it's no reason to jump into the harbor!
It's one thing if your daughter hasn't got a place to live,
but it's a whole other thing
if she doesn't have her dad around to love her.
Oh, God. Please don't do this.
I don't wanna have PTSD.
Okay, guys, calm down.
You're acting like a bunch of pussies. You know what?
I think you're right.
You are good, really good fuckin' cops.
Hey, do you have any smokes, by the way?
Here, just bought a fresh pack.
Oh, my God. Thank you, guys.
This is... crazy.
And you know what?
You guys just saved...
a person man's life.
Okay, see to it that your friends get you home, safe and sound.
Yes, I will make sure they do.
Thank you, officers.
Fuckin' idiots.
Was that fun for you?
You and your fuckin' games? Give me back my fuckin' goods.
Why don't you shut the fuck up?
Guess what? The cops had the fuckin' hash and threw it in the harbor.
Lazy, they didn't wanna do the fuckin' paperwork.
So deal with the fuckin' cops, not us.
You fuckin' limp cocks have no idea who you fucked with.
You fucking fucked up big-time.
You just got yourself dead.
It just needs a tiny bit of paint,
new flooring, and we will get rid of that smell.
We can paint it any color?
Of course you can.
Barb, remember, Ricky's first on the list.
He wants this for Trinity.
Actually, Randy, he is on the bottom of my list.
How about we rent to someone respectable for once?
This guy has his own show on Dartmouth Cable.
I don't know if this place is right for us. Gonna think about it.
We're taking over this shithole,
and there's nothing you shitbags can do about it.
Hey! What the frig?
Hold on there, Randy.
That right there, Satan's Bastards.
They'd kick a baby's head if it looked at 'em cross-eyed.
The cops won't even mess with these hombres.
What the fuck's this?
Why are these fuckin' apes in Trinity's trailer?
Hey, Big Chunk,
these are the guys who fucking took the hash and threw it in the harbor.
Fuck!
You just got C-bagged!
- Fuckin' asshole! - Fuckin' dick!
Let's go, Cyrus.
Ah, shut the fuck up.
We're moving in, and we're staying until you come up with ten grand
to pay for the hash.
Yeah? Well you can suck ten grand out of our cocks,
- 'cause we don't fuckin' have it. - If you don't come up with it tonight,
we're going to start burning trailers down,
one by one, starting with that one.
Shut the fuck up!
No one's burning down my cocksucking trailer!
Cyrus, go get that asshole.
Tie him up to a bike and drag him around the park.
Mr. Chunk, you don't have to drag anybody around the park.
We'll come up with the money, I swear to fuck.
Okay, I think I got a wicked idea here.
We're not robbing a liquor store.
This is not worth going to jail over.
I wasn't fuckin' saying that.
I've other ideas besides robbing liquor stores.
Okay. Is that right? Okay, what do you suggest then, Ricky?
Well, I don't remember what I was gonna say,
but robbing a liquor store’s not crazy, is it?
Holy fuckin' crap!
They're draggin' me around the park!
My ass cheeks are being shredded!
Poor Donnie's bleeding here, boys. I mean, we gotta think of something.
Speaking of bleeding, we could sell my blood.
Yeah, but who's gonna want to buy dummy blood, dummy?
Yeah, that's right, dude.
The doctor said it was like, R... I think it was R.
And then there came something else, another letter,
then there was a dash, then another letter after a dash,
then there was something. But it was like a whole equation.
But I remember the R.
R, another letter, dash... Do you mean RH-negative?
Jacob, is that what you got?
'Cause if you do, that's rare. It's like fuckin' alien blood, boys.
That blood is actually worth a lot of money.
That explains a lot to me, Jacob. That's why you're so fuckin' dumb.
You're a fuckin' alien.
I believe I have been saying that since day one.
Okay, you're done.
Thanks for the gift of life.
Great, now hook him up to another bag.
Another bag?
Yeah, like, $250 isn't gonna help us.
We need to squeeze another 25 fuckin' pints outta him yet.
Ricky, people only have about ten pints in their body, just FYI.
Okay, eight more pints, then.
That seems like a good compromise.
Leave Jacob a fuckin' pint, just enough to keep him conscious.
Much as I'd like to take another pint of this red gold,
I am required to wait eight weeks before I can extract another unit.
Eight weeks?
Jesus Christ.
Fuck. All right. Okay.
How about you take blood from us?
I can't accept your blood. You're drinking alcohol.
And he reeks of marijuana.
Yeah, it's party blood. It's full of fuckin' weed and hash
and honey oil and liquor. It's fuckin' worth a lot.
- You get a free fuckin' buzz-on from it. - I'm not taking your blood.
Ah, fuck you then.
Boys, let's get the fuck outta here.
- It's not the only blood game in town. - Ricky, it is.
Ah, fuckin'... fuck!
Get your goddamn motorcycle out of my living room,
you dirty cocksucker!
Try that again
and I'll shove this goddamn broom up your fuckin' asshole!
Jesus fuckin' Christ!
You've been pulling me around for two fuckin' hours!
How much gas do you have in that fuckin' tank?
Mr. Lahey, where are you?
We have a friggin' situation here.
Mr. Lahey!
That's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
You look pretty today, Randy.
Thank you, sir. You seem a little drunk.
You bet your fuckin' asshole, Randy.
I was trying to drink myself sober, bud.
Mr. Lahey, I'm confused.
You're a liquor ghost, but you can still get drunk?
I identify so deeply with the liquor
that it's more than part of my soul.
It is my essence.
- I am the liquor. - Okay, Mr. Lahey.
Okay. I need you to help me with something.
Do you see what's going on in Sunnyvale?
I don't...
I don't care anymore.
I don't fucking need to care.
I know you, I know that you’ll always care about Sunnyvale.
So do you want to know what's going on or not?
I can read your mind, Randy.
Then you know that friggin' Satan's Bastards took over the park!
What should I do?
This Big Chunk guy scares the frig out of me.
If the guy's a cocksucker,
you get him over the shitness and you keep him over the fuckin' shitness.
How do I do that, sir?
- You play the flugelhorn, Randy. - What are you saying?
You know, alloy shickle groober liked to be pooped on.
What the frig are you talking about?
You're not making sense.
I'm getting sober here.
This is fuckin' awful.
Mr. Lahey, what am I supposed to do?
The evil that men do lives after them.
The good is oft interred
with their bones.
Mr. Lahey!
I don't know what those friggin' words mean!
What the frig is a flugelhorn?
That's four pints of blood.
I really can't take any more out of him or he could die, guys.
But we don't have enough money yet.
Like, come on, take out a couple more pints.
Well, you can replenish his red cells with some copper.
I could get some more out of him in a couple of days.
Coppner? I think pennies are coppner.
Who's got pennies? I only got nickels.
A few days won't cut it. We need this tonight.
If you really wanna take it up a notch,
I know people who know some other people
who pay good money for hair, skin, eyeballs, organs.
What the fuck are you talking about? Who are these people? Cannibals?
I can't say.They work for the government.
They take kidneys, testicles, ovaries...
Done. I say we take all of it.
Ricky, we are not starting to part Jacob out like an old Pontiac.
We can at least take his fuckin' ovaries.
What the fuck do they do? Does he need them? No.
What is wrong with your fuckin' brain?
He doesn't have ovaries.
What do you mean? Oh, yeah, I forgot, he's a fuckin' alien.
How much are we talking about?
That really depends on how far you wanna go.
I had a friend who bought a speedboat with a kidney.
Do I have any say in this, guys?
You don't. We're doing this for you, you ungrateful prick.
Yeah, just keep quiet, Jacob.
Big Chunk, as the unofficial trailer park supervisor of Sunnyvale,
I'm here to tell you to get the frig out of our park!
Make me, you fat tub of shit.
I'm not a big fat tub of shit!
Look at your boiler. It's way bigger and more beautiful than mine,
but it's obvious that you don't take care of it.
Shut the fuck up, you salami tugboat fuck.
You don't know who the fuck you're even talking to.
Oh, yeah?
Well, maybe he doesn't know who the frig he's dealing with.
All right, who wants to go first?
I'll take you all on, one at a time.
Frig! That wasn't friggin' fair!
Yo, dog, you got some fuckin' balls on you. You know that, right?
You can't take on a whole motorcycle gang
in your fuckin' underwear.
Which one of you Satan's bitches is next? That didn't even hurt.
Oh, Randy, shut the fuck up, man.
You're gonna get us killed, you dumb fuck.
- Do you think these'll grow back? - Not a chance.
These are your adult teeth.
But I got a nice set of dentures I can hook you up with.
Yeah, these feel pretty good.
- They're real big, though. - I bet they are. I made 'em for a horse.
Jesus Christ, you gotta keep those things down.
- More pennies means more blood. - That's enough.
Even if he kept the fuckin' things down, it'll take a few days.
What the fuck can we do? We still don't have enough money.
Are we giving up here, Jacob?
- You wanna let my daughter down? - No.
Good answer. So, it's decision time.
One of your testicles or your fuckin' kidneys. What'll it be?
- What? - We'll flip a coin.
Runnin' out of time. Heads, for a fuckin' kidney.
Tails, for one of your balls.
For the love of God, we're not flipping a coin.
This is a big decision.
Can I please go home and talk to Trinity?
You can't. She'll shut this down.
Ricky, it's a fuckin' organ the man's donating from his body.
He needs to talk to his wife. Give him that.
Okay, we'll give you one hour.
If Trinity fuckin' asks, it's nothing to do with us,
you big fuckin' baby.
I can feel her out without her knowing what's up. I'm not an idiot.
But you are. That's the problem, right?
Stupidy fuckin' things. I hate these fuckin' things!
Fuck off!
You stay the fuck away from Jacob's balls and kidneys.
You've taken enough from him!
Whoa! It had nothing to do with us, sweetheart.
Yeah, I believe his teeth fell out when he sneezed too hard
and he tripped on a meat-slicer at the deli and lost all his hair.
Give me a fucking break, Dad.
Trin, that's what happened. I was there!
Holy fuck! I can't believe she's this mad.
I was doing this for her!
You gotta see it from her point of view.
I mean, her husband left the house
as a semi-normal-looking human-alien hybrid,
and he returned home as FrankenJacob!
Hey, you ugly pussy bitches! Where's our fuckin' money?
Did you check in your ass?
I know you have to ram a lot of stuff up there.
Fuck you, helmet head.
We're working on it. We hope to have your money by tonight.
You've got two fucking hours, or...
Boys, I really want you to think this through. This is fucked up.
You got a better idea?
No, but what's the fuckin' plan here? Do you even have one?
I don't know. We have to improvise this one.
Be right back there, Big Chunk.
Gotta drain the fucking sea snake.
Here we go. This is our chance.
Okay, Julian, but this has to be carefully executed.
We're probably only gonna get once shot at this, boys.
Let's flank him.
Good call. Napoleon styles.
Ricky, you go around...
- Rick. Ricky! - Ricky!
Boom! Take that.
You just got Ricky'd.
What the fuck is going on?
You fruits getting fuckin' jollies looking at my dick
- and my beautiful big hairy balls? - I'm looking at your bag hair.
How do you get it that long, and so straight?
- Do you use a flat iron? - Fuck off.
It's fuckin' natural other than, you know, the frosted tips.
Untie me right fuckin' now.
What's the best bang for the buck, Sam?
Well, we have interest in both his nuts and his kidney.
It's really up to you guys.
- Nice. - Whoa, whoa!
I don't fuckin' think so.
Nobody's doing shit to this perfect body.
Guys, we can talk this out.
You got us wrapped up in this fuckin' nightmare, you're gonna fix it.
Sam?
You motherfuckers!
If you fuckin' touch any part of my...
You're about to get R-fucked in your C-bag, you...
dick-smashing... C-balling...
fuckin' hard... How does it fuckin' work?
Ricky, just let it go. It's not your forte.
Here you go.
So, I give you this money,
you guys get the fuck out of my park and never come back.
A deal's a deal.
I have to say, I'm a little disappointed.
Would've been good times burning this fucking place
to the fucking ground.
But we're men of honor.
Okay, Bastards, let's roll.
There you go. It's all yours, sweetie.
I told you the old man would come through.
You're the best dad ever. I love you.
I love you too, sweetheart.
Enjoy your beautiful home.
It's perfect.
Get the fuck outta here, you mangy mutt.
Oh, thank fucking Christ.
What?
No!
My perfect balls!
-- Addic7ed.com --