Oh my fuck, it's been hot out lately. I can't fuckin' stand it.
But, on a good note,
I did come up with a pretty wicked business idea. A car wash.
You know, it was going okay, but then I figured to myself,
"Julian, what would make you get in your car right now
to go get your car washed?"
Let me think about that.
Boobs.
With all the social media bullshit going on these days,
you throw a few fuckin' pictures on the web, there's your marketing.
Instant success.
Hey, dude, you spelled hose wrong.
Yeah, Julian, it's missing an E.
You guys are stupid. It's a play on words.
Yeah, we're pretending to be ho's and we've got a hose.
- I don't get it. - Okay, Trixie,
turn the bucket round so we can see the writing on it.
Oopsie. My bad, baby.
There we go, that's a keeper.
Oh, shit, just a second.
Victory, I like the sponge, but we gotta put a big hose in your hand.
I'll put that big hose anywhere you want, sugar.
Seriously, ladies, where's the hose?
The guy next door with high hair that reeks like piss and weed
said he needed it for, like, a motel or something?
Ah, Jesus Christ, Ricky.
Hey, fuckheads.
Just in time to see the pooly thing I made for the motel.
With this cocksucking heatwaver, I had to do something,
I won't take Mo to a public pool.
They're pull of piss and crabs and shit-barnacles. Fuck that.
So I moved some shit on the lawn
and I'm gonna build a pooly thing here. It's fucking perfect.
Plus, if I stay here,
I can get as drunk and high as I fuckin' want while babysitting.
Fuck, being a grandparent is awesome!
Okay, you guys get back.
This shoots like a fucking elephant cock.
Hang on to your little tubey thing, little Moester.
Ah, for fuck sakes, what now?
Ricky, it's 11:01 a.m.
- What the fuck does that mean? - I'm open for fuckin' business, dummy.
I'm building a pool for my gramson, fuckface!
Your grease business can fuckin' wait, I think.
"Grease business." I guarantee I'm gonna be busy as fuck
any second now.
We both stole the fuckin' hose. It's half mine there, fucker.
Fuckin' asshole.
Boys! Boys! Oh, my fuck, I've been picked! I'm gonna be on the TV!
I hit the jackpot, baby!
Bubs, what do you mean you hit the jackpot?
I submitted my name. They picked me!
I'm gonna be on the TV, the fuckin' Teeny House Challenge, baby!
I won the fuckin' lottery, boys!
Oh, my God! I'm gonna get my dream shed.
No more fuckin' roof leaks.
I'll have my own fuckin' shower.
Oh, God, I can build that kitty door I always wanted
with the little doorbell!
- Okay, that's great, Bubs. - Just a sec, we're...
Hang the fuck on, are you guys serious right now?
- We're dealing with something major here. - Oh, this isn't major?
Okay, that's nice, Bubs.
- Fuck! - Listen, here's the deal.
I'm taking a few pictures with the fuckin' hose.
You use it until a customer comes.
- Deal? - Deal, I guess.
Whatever you need for your fuckin' greasy business, Julian.
At least I have a fuckin' business.
"At least I have a fuckin' bu... ", Fuck you!
You guys are fightin' over a fuckin' garden hose,
and I just told you the big...
- Talk about this later! - Oh, my fuck!
"Yeah, congratulations, Bubbles.
Let's all band together and help you get your dream home, buddy."
Greatest day of my life, can't even fuckin' share it with anybody.
Oh, hey.
You wanna come help me, do you, Twinkly Dink?
Well, strap your seat belt on, little buddy.
You're all I fuckin' need.
Fuckin' assholes.
Hi, folks.
Steve Rogers here and welcome to another episode of The Teeny House Challenge.
I'm Steve Rogers.
Our challenger today is coming all the way from the Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
Let's give it up for Bubbles, and his cat.
That's Twinkly Dink, my co-cat partner.
Hey, Steve, it's great to be here. This is very exciting.
Very exciting.
Is everything okay down there?
Yeah, just a bit nervous. I'm actually freaking out maybe.
Okay, let's get to the rules.
Okay, phase one:
You have ten minutes to collect all the materials you need
to build your teeny house.
Now, that's not a lot of time,
especially because you're the first contestant to play
without family or friends.
So, good luck.
And... go!
Holy fuck, it's the 36-52 LX!
Decent!
The fuckin' swimming pool for Mo turned out way gooder
than I could've ever fuckin' imagined.
But word got out in the neighborhood,
all these fuckin' kids wanna get in.
So, being the business man I am, I came up with something brilliance.
One hour swim, one sandwich, one dollar.
It's fucking beautiful.
Look who stepped up and started a business!
Julian can suck my cock.
Mr. "I Don't Know A Thing About Business."
Come check this out! Sandwich time, you little bastards!
How come girls don't have beans and wieners?
Girls have beef curtains, dumb-dumb.
What are beef curtains?
It's the thing hanging out of their bathing suits.
What the fuck are you guys talking about?
Holy fuck! Everyone away from the window! Jesus Christ. Julian!
Tell your fuckin' girls to put pants on!
Their piss flaps are hanging out and there's kids in here, for fuck sakes!
Jesus fuckin' Christ! Fuckin' cocksucking Julian!
That little fuckin' asshole! Fuck him!
Looks like Bubbles is doing great.
How does it feel to be the first contestant
not to choose family or friends to help out with a supply round?
No comment! Twinkly Dink's all I need!
How much time left?
Two minutes, 20 seconds!
Holy fuck! I just got the plumbing left and I'm done!
We got this, Twinkly Dink!
Cocksucker!
Oh, we got a blowout, folks!
Nobody panic. Step back. Give me some space!
Okay...
Threads are stripped but the bearings look to be intact.
Okay, just a little...
re-thread...
Okay, nailed it!
I can't turn this thing on.
Julian, I think it's stuck.
Cory, get over here, spray the car down.
And make it fast, we've got customers waiting.
Got it. Step aside, foxy ladies.
Let me do my thing.
Help me, Julian! Shoot the hose!
- Turn it off, Cory! - Shoot it!
- Turn it off! - Oh, God!
I can't, dude, it's too strong!
Ah, fuck, my shirt!
Hang on, Cory!
Thanks, dude.
Oh, my God.
So masculine and strong.
Selfies! Smile for the internet, boys!
Right, Randy. Clont and I took the liberty of making up a work schedule for you.
Before we look at it, let's bow our heads in prayer.
Bow your head, son!
Lord, bless this schedule and help it guide Randy.
Amen.
Amen?
Oh, this is a little bit friggin' much.
There's no way that I could do all this and work on the friggin' weekends too.
- Are you friggin' crazy? - We don't think so.
And watch your language in front of the lady.
If you don't think you're man enough to do it, Randy,
then maybe we'll have to start looking for someone else.
What is it with all these carloads of attractive men?
Barb, I'm on it. I'll go investigate.
Wow! Look at those titties!
- David, watch your mouth! - Hey, how's it going? You here to swim?
Well, we were, but I don't want my kids exposed to this greasy shit!
Great. Okay, fuck this.
Julian, what the fuck, man?
I'm losing customers here because of you.
Those girls need to stop mashing their tits on windows
and put some fuckin' clothes on, man,
or I'll have no customers for my fuckin' pool. Not fair!
Ain't happening. Look how fuckin' busy I am, huh?
It is what it is, okay?
- "It is what it is," you shirtless fuck? - Yeah.
What next? Take your cock out and start waving it around,
dirty dancing to get customers?
- Whatever it takes, okay? - Oh, my fuck.
Excuse me. Did I just hear you say you have a pool?
- How much is it for a swim? - Five bucks a person with a car wash.
Ricky, I'll give you 10%. We can make a fucking killing here.
- What are you talking about? - Who wants to go for a swim to cool down?
Five bucks!
See? Now, that's how you do business, my friend.
- How about thank you? - A thank you?
How about a fuck you instead? Ten percent.
How about you ram 10% of my cock down your throat?
Put the other 60%in your fuckin' ass.
Yeah, you'd fuckin' like that, wouldn't you?
I don't know what to say about that.
God, look at those perfect tits.
You really are something, aren't you, Julian?
Okay, I gotta break this up.
But maybe I'll do just a little more research.
Do that again, Julian.
This looks interesting.
Okay, who wants to jump the fuck in here?
But be careful. My son-of-law's there and doesn't know how to swim.
Oh, look, fellas, it's Smokey!
You coming in for a dippy-poo, Smokey?
Ricky, this is the most frigged up thing I've ever seen.
You're in big trouble here. You don't even own the trailer.
Back off, Dixie-clit, stop your fuckin' whining.
I put tarps down. Nothing's ruined.
Julian's the one fuckin' things up.
Now you're here, why don't you deal with those girls
with moose knuckles hanging out?
I'm running a family pool here.
Frig! I'll deal with you in a second.
Ricky, can we get some music going?
Like, maybe some EDM?
Julian, what in the hell is this?
You need to get these cars moved,
and I mean move them right the frig now!
Hey, Randy. It's all good here, okay?
I've been waiting for you.
Look, man, I plan on giving 10% of everything I make back to the park.
- Ten percent? - Yeah.
- Does Barb know? - No, she doesn't need to.
Look, man, you're the one running things here, okay?
Just surprise her with this.
I bet you it'll go a long way. I heard you've been fucking up a lot.
Jeez. You might be right.
That might go a long way.
That crusty bitch and Clont have been doing nothing but giving me the gears.
Thanks, Julian.
Jesus H. Murphy, what the fuck is all this?
So, Bubbles, what exactly is going on here?
Are these people here to help you?
I have no fuckin' idea.
Apparently my two best friends started an underground gay day spa.
Looks like his two best friends, Ricky and Julian, are gay now!
Apparently.
And I'm fuckin' pissed off.
Not about the gay stuff. I love the gay community.
I'm glad my friends finally came out.
But I'm not glad they're not helping me out though!
Okay, Bubbles, phase two.
You've got five hours to build your dream shed,
starting...
now.
How sweet do you like your lemonade?
As sweet as the dew on your ass in the morning
after a night of lovemaking.
Oh, Clont!
You always know what to say.
What the hell? We have no water!
What? Randy better be on this!
Cannonball!
Give it up for Mr. Finch, y'all!
All the ones and twos breaking it down with some ill scratches!
Hey! Yo!
The Roc-Pile in this, you know how we do. Holla!
What the fuck?
What the fuck happened to the water, Julian?
- Yours is off too? - Yeah! What the fuck did you do?
What the fuck did I do? Fuck you, man.
You filled your fuckin' trailer.
That's why we're out of water, dummy.
What do you mean "out of water"? We can't be.
Doesn't make sense. The whole fuckin' land floats on water.
And there's an ocean right fuckin' there!
Wait, now. Do you think this water came from the ocean, Ricky?
This is drinking water, you dummy, not fuckin' salt water.
What's the fuckin' difference? Water's water.
All has the same wetness, dummy.
Oh, you dirty bastard slut!
Okay, folks, here's where we are.
Three hours remaining.
Bubbles is dealing with mud
because of a neighbor's all-gay car wash,
and the distraction from another neighbor
who's running an all-gay underground trailer pool.
Perhaps it'll be too much for our contestant,
who has yet to start construction.
How are you feeling, Bubbles?
How do you think I feel, Steve?
My friends are fucked, I'm covered in mud,
and I'll never get my dream shed built in time!
What is the name of my mother's chastity fuck is going on here?
Hey! Never expected to see you again. How's it going?
Well, I came to see if you wanted to maybe get back together or at least have a romp.
But I guess not. I didn't know you were gay now!
Susan, wait! What the hell are you talking about? Gay?
Oh, my God!
I'm pretty sure I'm not gay.I can't be!
Oh, really? You sure about that?
Take a look around, fruito! You're running the YMC-Gay!
Susan, listen to me, please.
It's just a business.
They're good customers. They dress nice, they're in good shape,
they're happy... they're great!
Listen to yourself, Rick!
You're gay!
So have a nice gay life!
- Dad, what the fuck is going on? - I don't fuckin' know.
I guess I might be gay again.
Wait, where's Mo?
- I think he's swimming still. - What?
Swimming? He can't swim!
It's okay, calm the fuck down.
Don't worry, I duct taped those watery wingy things to his arms.
Ricky, those are fucking chip bags.
God, your fucking brain is baffling.
Okay, shut it down, partner.
You shut the fuck up.
Who the fuck are you, cow dick, to tell me what to do?
If it's Barb's business, it's my business.
Barb, you might wanna tell Howdy Doody here
that we're paid up on our lot fees
and that he should mind his own fuckin' business.
And you might want to watch who the fuck you call Howdy Doody, huh?
We got water, dude!
Okay, everyone, we're back in business! Who wants a wash?
No. Fuck you, Julian.
Get your hose out of my goddamn fucking gay spa swimming pool, right now!
Crazy drama unfolding here at the Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
Hey, Steve!
You might wanna shoot this! I'm ready to shingle the roof, bud!
Not now, Bubbles, a bigger story is unfolding.
Well, that's just great, fuckin' great. A gunfight.
What'll you do, asshole? Shoot me in front of everyone?
Guys, put the friggin' guns away.
How about this, fuckface!
Oh, you motherfucker!
Oh, man, you are gonna fuckin' regret that move, my friend.
Yeah? Am I? Pull the fuckin' trigger then!
Want me to pull the trigger? I'll pull the trig...
- Oh, God, my shoes! - I'm not sure I can swim, dude!
Holy fuck! You fuckin' flooded my new shed!
Ricky, Julian, you're no longer my fuckin' friends.
It's official, baby!
Fuck you and fuck your fuckin' businesses!
And Steve, you know what? You can take your Teeny House Challenge
and you can shove it right up the eye of your cock.
I'm glad I could be part of your fuckin' groundbreaking news story!
Cocksucker!
Not anybody out there in particular!
That was just me saying...
Oh, my God. What the fuck?
Holy fuck!
What in the fuck?!
Everyone move back from the sinkhole! This could all cave in!
This is Steve Rogers from the Teeny House Challenge,
and I am most certainly backing the fuck up.
Bubbles, can you hear me? Grab the hose!
It's dark, boys!
Everyone shut the fuck up. He's trying to say something.
What did you say, Bubs?
I can't fit through the rafters
and the mud's coagulating in on me, you dumb bastards!
What the fuck? Those are big words.
He can't climb through the roof, you dumb bastard.
Holy fuck, you're stupid.
He was calling you a dumb bastard.
- He was talking to you, dumb ass! - I'm not dumb, you are!
Get me and my kitties the fuck outta here, boys, I'm scared!
Bubs, we'll get you out, buddy! Hang on!
Oh, my fuck! What are we gonna do, guys?
Call the fire department!
No, call the cavalry!
Can everyone please shut the fuck up?
There's only one person to deal with this.
And all he needs is some hash and weed.
The Reg! Big fuckin' problem here, buddy.
Take it easy, Reg!
Alright, kiddie fuckers! Keep cool, I'm bringing him up!
You're getting a big bag of Purple Kush for this, buddy. You're the fuckin' man!
Oh, fuck!
Bubbles, can you hear us?
Stand back, everybody,
and let the trailer park supervisor take care of this.
Go, Smokey!
Oh, shit!
Frig!
I'm alright!
Reggie, just lower me down a bit!
I can't see Bubbles yet!
Come on, Randy, you can do it!
I knew we should've called the cavalry.
- There is no fuckin' cavalry. - Yeah, there is.
They don't come 'cause nobody calls 'em.
All right, stop! All right, I got him!
Haul me up!
Get me to friggin' land! These claws are sharp!
Bubbles, can you hear me?
He's not breathing, you damn fool. Get the hell outta my way.
Brokeback Mountain!
Quick, somebody call an ambulance!
Know what, I gotta hand it to him.
I mean, as gross and fat and disgusting as Randy is,
he was the better man today.
I don't think I would've been able to get down there on time.
I almost fuckin' died and Ricky and Julian sent Cory to come fuckin' get me?
Yeah, thanks, guys.
That's exactly who I want to be the first person I see
after a near-death experience.
Fuck sakes.
They pumped three quarts of mud and dirty old earthworms outta me.
I'm lucky to even be alive.
All thanks to Randy and that creepy cowboy guy, Clont.
Smooching me. I don't even wanna get into that.
You know what?
I don't think I'll ever talk to Ricky and Julian again.
I think that's it.
They fucked up my dream shed
and now I don't even have anywhere to live.
Selfish pricks.
Hands down, Cory.
Steve Rogers, reporting live from Sunnyvale.
It's confirmed that Bubbles will be arriving from the hospital at any moment.
Doctors say it's a miracle that he's alive.
Here he is now.
Steve Rogers, as usual, live on the scene, folks.
Bubbles, can you comment on what happened?
Hang the fuck on, Steve. I gotta check on my kitties.
Butterfingers!
Here, kitty! Kitty come, kitty come.
Oh, thank fuck!
Shit Whiskers!
Here, kitty, come here. Oh, Shit Whiskers.
Three, four, five... Rotten Ronnie.
Six, Sergeant Meowinstein. Ernie Pepperoni.
Fuckin' thank fuck! You're all here!
Oh, I can't believe you're all okay.
And clean, too!
- We washed 'em for you. - Welcome back, buddy.
I'll just be here long enough to pack
whatever muddy belongings I have.
Whatever didn't go down the shit-hole you guys created.
Bubs, don't be like that. We're really sorry, man.
Look, we got you a surprise.
Oh, what's that now? You got a shit tsunami lined up to hit next?
No, whatever the fuck that is. Turn around.
Oh, great, sure, you try to help me out now.
Well, guess what? I'm not fuckin' impressed.
Doesn't look safe enough to live in.
Bubs, what happened was an accident. Could've happened to anybody.
You didn't want us breaking the law; this time, we didn't.
We had a legit business, man.
It was just a weird act of fuckin' nature that fucked you over.
Oh, I didn't know nature could use a fuckin' handgun or turn on fire hoses.
Show him the surprise, Rick.
Surprise, huh? Yeah, this should be something else.
Decent!
Holy fuck, can I try it?
Go ahead, man, it's yours. You did say you wanted a kitty doorbell.
You heard me?
Decent!
So we good here, buddy?
Well, that depends, Julian. Will you guys have a sleepover with me?
What? Hang out, get drunk and high and pass out?
Yeah, I'll fuckin' do that.
No, I mean a sleepover, a proper one,
where we get our jammies on and we get in the bed under the covers
and we watch kiddie movies and we order chicken pizza
and just talk about our feelings.
- Still don't have any jammies. - Jammies, Bubs? Come on.
Jammies or no deal!
Whatever you wanna do. Jammies are in. Let's do it.
I'll be in my underwear, but sure.
- And no more water jobs, boys. - You got it, Bubs.
Me and water are done. I'm never fuckin' touching water again.
I guess I still love you guys, then.
- Love you too, buddy. - Love you too, man.
I guess we should've put a couple more screws in.
That's all right, boys, we'll fix it together.
Cocksuckers.
-- Addic7ed.com --