Oh. Have I woken up in a French farce?
Reporting for duty, boss.
That was my personal story about my late father!
I loved God, understood my place in this world
and I was pretty optimistic about the future.
But then when you pissed off, that day, I became a bad man.
Shit. I hope this doesn't mean my BuzzStay booking cancels.
You have BuzzStay guests?
Why... Why not? I've got a spare bedroom.
OK, I don't have any evidence
but I think that Fuzz has got another woman in America.
Doubtless older, and that is why he is,
as you so consistently were, absent.
About Nicole. Here's the thing. She's...
You keep her... keep away from her,
because she's... she's in a dark place.
Do you know who Webster just appointed to fill Orcack's seat?
No-one. Because I haven't told them who I want in there yet.
He's just announced it.
It's your half brother, Cal McGregor.
AHHHH!
Well... Well, friends, I... I am humbled.
And... and truly honoured to be elected to represent
the beautiful seat and the wonderful people of Genora!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(EXCITED HUBBUB)
(CLAPPING)
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
Yeah, but why Greg Peters?
I mean, that bloke's got as much impact as an HP pencil.
Depends what you write with it.
Now is not the time to make your move, OK?
A month or so before the election, we strike, you nobble him.
Yeah, why not Roebuck? I like Roebuck.
- He is not an Aboriginal. - Well, neither is Peters!
He's half of something or other, I don't know,
three quarters at the most.
No, he's not!
- I'm told he's the full deal. - Really?
And even if he wasn't, we wouldn't be saying that out loud, would we?
Well, I'm a quarter Welsh.
You don't hear me singing Men Of Harlech, do you?
Can you... Think you can keep that thought private, will you?
It's a bloody shame that he doesn't have
a proper Aboriginal tribal name, you know?
Maybe we can get him to change it.
You didn't know I was at Kings with him.
Well, keep that quiet too, will you?
At 9:30 this morning,
I informed the Governor-General that following a party room vote,
I became leader of the federal parliamentary Liberal Party...
...and have been commissioned by the Governor-General
to form a government.
As a First Australian,
a man of Illupna and Yarra Yarra clans,
I am only too cognisant of the significance
and responsibility bestowed upon me.
- Hear, hear! - Hear, hear! Well said.
Tomorrow, the sun will rise on a new day in Australia...
...and as my first act as your new prime minister,
I will seek to rectify the inequality and injustice
that has beset this country since white settlement.
- What's he saying? - I don't know, mate.
As my first act as prime minister,
I will be introducing a bill outlining a treaty
that will, for the very first time,
acknowledge our nation's true past...
- Treaty? - ..and give full...
- Did he just say "treaty"? - He did.
He said a treaty.
Thank you.
(WHISTLES)
Oi! 100 bucks!
200 bucks!
Oh, my God.
Oh, mate. What's with the fucking cabs in this town?
How can I help ya?
Ah, can I get a double macchiato to go, please?
Sure.
Name?
Why?
For the coffee.
Mate, I'm the only person in here.
I may be the only person in the suburb!
Oh, yeah, but other people might come in, so I still need a name.
Castorsnor Fjorvjorversananer.
- Sorry? - That's my name.
Castorsnor Fjorvjorversananer.
First name will be fine.
Franzphilillenunst.
- Is there a shorter version of that? - No, mate. Danish.
They don't shorten.
So that's... Franz... philillenunst.
OK?
- (CHATTER IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) - (PHONE BUZZES)
(BOTH CHATTER)
- Senator. - Jakub!
- Are you in Sydney? - Yes, I am, senator.
Oh! Mate, could you...
Could you please do me a huge favour off the books?
A guy's got me tickets to the big Souths game today, OK?
And it's in a corporate box
and if we win this, we're through to the final, OK?
- It's huge. - I see.
I wish your heroes well.
But the problem is it's out at, uh, Homebush Park
and I can't get a fucking cab here for love nor money.
And you need me to take you there, off the books?
Yes! Yes!
Off the books. That'd be great.
I see where you are.
- How? - Your phone finder.
I always know where you are, all part of the service.
OK, great. Good! Good, I guess, yeah.
I'll be there in 15 minutes.
Oh, mate! Thank you much! You're a legend!
- Thank you. I owe you. - I know.
_
Franzphil..nun..deust?
Oh, sorry! Is that... You were calling my name?
Oh, sorry, mate, I didn't realise. Sorry.
A treaty? Yeah, I mean, great.
- Don't you think, Gareth? - Oh, very much needed. Very much.
My only issue... my only issue is one of timing.
- Exactly. Timing. - Yeah.
We get this wrong, Greg, we could set this country back 200 years.
Well, that's the idea, isn't it?
(CHUCKLES) Of course, Greg, of course.
But you know there's gotta be consultation.
No, it has to be drafted, run through committees,
white papers issued.
Potentially, a referendum.
And then there's the election in two years, so...
...we're looking at a four-year process right through.
Well, the good thing about being
a corporate lawyer in my past life is...
...I know the law.
Now, look,
I've drafted a straightforward plain-English document
and run it by some of this country's best legal minds.
- They all love it. - Well, it could split the nation.
Could even split your people.
Well...
...you talk as if...
...we're all one group.
But we're not. Fuck the referendum.
We make it law of the land. Treaty.
And, according to our constitution, parliament has the power.
Wouldn't it be more judicious to test the waters first, hmm?
By test the waters, you mean what?
We don't need a referendum.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
But, uh... something referendish might be good.
Oh, you mean like a non-binding postal vote?
- Yes. - Great idea.
- Perfect. It's worked before. - Indeed it has.
Yes, yes, just to assess the feel for change.
I'll take your advice on board, gentlemen.
Thank you.
(CAR HORNS BLARE)
- (SNEEZES) - Bless you.
Oh, come on! Come on!
We're gonna miss the guy with the tickets.
The traffic is going to thin out at the next set of lights.
Just zip down here and, uh, take the... It's a short cut.
I wouldn't advise it.
- Remember what happened last time? - Mate, mate, trust me.
Take this. Take this.
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
See, that's why I hate cyclists.
- (HONKS HORN) - Please, sir!
- Your mustn't touch my... - OK, back up.
(SIREN WAILS)
Oh, for fuck's sake!
Oh, God, he... Hey, guys!
Could you just quickly back up?
We've got to get out...
- Could... could you back up? - Why?
I... I... I'm a federal senator.
I've got to get to a vital state function.
There's an injured man down here!
I mean, he seems alright, really.
How are you, mate? Was it just a... was it just a bump on the noggin'?
Hey, follow my fingers.
See, he seems... I reckon, you know, maybe if we could just...
- Can... can I help at all? - Yes!
- Please! Get out of my way! - OK, fine.
Just, you know, trying to...
I'll be over here, waiting.
Would you like to me to list that as... as a meeting for your diary?
Why would I list that as a meeting?
Well, I heard
there's going to be a crackdown on parliamentary allowances, etc.
You might find having a meeting
with the representatives of the health industry
to your advantage.
Right.
Yeah. That's what that was.
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
- Senator Greene. - Oh, mate!
I didn't think you were gonna materialise.
Oh, apologies. No, look, the health system in crisis, you know.
Sometimes you just gotta step in when your conscience dictates.
- Should we, uh, head up to the box? - Yeah, no.
We'll go this way but I... I just wanted to, uh, have a word with you.
Yes. Isn't the... isn't the game about to kick off?
- And you're anxious to get in. - Well, yes, anxious to get in!
We win this one, we're through to the old final!
- How exciting. - Yes!
I'm not sure if you're aware of this new amendment
that's got traction in the Lower House
and is now headed for you in the Senate.
Ah, well, look, I try and... you know,
I'm generally on top of all the legislation
but there's the occasional one that slips through the net.
- It's a very positive... - Where's the box, mate?
...very positive pro-business, pro-jobs bill...
Right.
...that, if it gets the nod, is gonna make a lot of kids very happy.
Right.
By lowering these out-of-date censorship restrictions,
kids will, for the first time,
gain access to useful family-friendly information.
Oh, well, that sounds great.
But, but, but... the No forces are out in full.
- Oh, damn that. - Yes.
It could come down to one or two votes in the Senate
that could either give these kids a future or stifle their hopes.
Mate, um, can you just remind me what industry are we talking about?
- Video games. - Vi... Oh! I love video games!
My... my son's into video games.
- Yes, Finnegan. - Oh, Finnegan.
- Finnegan. Great, great talent. - You have my full support.
You know, studies have now proved that these games actually help kids
with learning about appropriate social interaction,
quite contrary to all the bullshit we hear?
Yes, it's just shameful!
I mean, I hate censorship.
Where the fuck are we? Where's the boss?
Anyway, the point is my company has invested a fortune
in developing a new and exciting product
aimed very much at an intelligent, discerning young adult market,
and if this legislation is killed,
it'll stop kids from having the opportunity
to make up their own minds
about what is violent and what is not.
That's called freedom.
What... what sort of violence are we talking about?
No, my point exactly. What violence? None.
And certainly not for violence sake.
I'm not even sure what that means.
You know, this is... This is an issue of education.
- Yeah. - 12. 12 is the new 18.
I mean, kids... kids need to confront the realities
of rape and death, right?
My video games prepare children, their families,
and their children's children for those harsh realities.
People should be able to watch whatever they like.
Yeah.
- Educational games like Carnal Blood. - Carnal Blood?
That's the title of one of my new video games.
Oh, right, oh, well, that sounds incredible.
So I can count on your vote?
Oh, mate, ah, yes, yes, yes.
I'll give it all my consideration.
- Thank you. - Yes, good.
- Thank you. - Ah, yes.
No, thank you. Thank you.
- Are you coming in, wherever I'm... - I'll catch up.
It's just the lift there on the right.
Great, great, great.
This is a freedom of speech issue, Senator.
Yes, I hear you, mate.
- Hey. - Yes?
It's good to see you again. It's been way too long.
Yeah, yeah, great to see you again.
Go the Bunnies.
Go the Bunnies! (LAUGHS)
(EXCITED HUBBUB)
WOMAN: Get it, get it, get it.
Come on, Jack.
Come on, Angus. Go!
Don't toy with the bloody thing. Go canter, mate. Come on.
You gotta fly. Come on, mate.
You're Icarus. You're Icarus.
Oh, yes!
Come on, Sam. Come on, mate.
Yes, come on.
Oh, yes, beautiful. Come on in, go.
Get it over the line! Come on, mate!
Get it in there! Get it in there!
Yes! Yes!
YES!
Yeah!
Mwah! Ahh!
You beautiful Bunnies!
Yes! We're through!
We're through! Whoo!
How the hell does he do it?
I mean, did he plan the zebra suit?
You really don't get it, do you?
No, I don't.
No, good people usually don't.
I'm not that good.
Well, that is kind of how you come across.
You mean boring.
Well, you're occasionally a bit trite, smug.
Oh, God, I prefer boring.
Would you ever consider taking me on as a client?
I mean, I couldn't come to your office
for anything other than political purposes, otherwise...
It would look like you were getting psychological help.
- Well, it is a bit of a stigma. - Oh, that's just ridiculous.
I wouldn't wanna be seen coming here all the time,
so perhaps we could meet for a coffee, the odd meal...
I'll tell you what, I will happily diarise
that we meet about mental health or women's prison reform
or whatever you want.
Good.
All pollies' diaries are about to become public property, so...
- Really? - Mmm.
Oh, my God. Does Cleveland know that?
- Oh, yeah! - MISSY: Hey.
What do you want me to say to the press?
I want you to say that the boys come up good
and they done what they said they were gonna do.
About the Peters Treaty.
The what a whatty?
He's proposing a proper treaty with the Aborigines.
It's his first act as Prime Minister.
Who?
Greg Peters.
Greg Peters is Prime Minister?
Please tell me that you knew that.
- Well, I was at the footy. - You got in this morning.
Well, I was gearing up for the footy this morning.
It's been all over the news, the whole country save you knows?
Yes, yes,
but does the whole country knows
that the mighty Bunnies are through to the finals?
I'm working for a Member of Parliament
who is so far out of the loop
he doesn't even know there's been a new Prime Minister elected?
Wow.
(SMOKE ALARM BEEPS)
Oh! Mate!
Would you like me to call the Fire Brigade?!
Nah, all good.
"All good?" Depends which side of the fire alarm you're representing.
Please, a bill like this is going to completely divide the nation.
OK? You need to have a position.
What do you want me to say publicly?
Well, we say "Yes." "Yes."
"Yeah, about bloody time, treaty with the Aborigines."
You know that people are going to lean on you.
Well, let them lean. I'm a rock in a storm.
And I worked with the previous government
as an advisor to the Minister for Education.
Amazing.
Prior to that I was a journalist with the SMH.
This is all fantastic.
Hey, Missy, what are you doing here?
- I thought so. - He hasn't told you, has he?
What?
Tell me that you didn't appoint her.
Ah, this would be Missy.
Tell me that you didn't waste the last three weeks of my life
interviewing for the role,
including some of the best brains in journalism!
I didn't.
Alright. Ah, OK.
Then, can you just explain to me
why she's standing in our office saying that you did.
Wendy did.
Oh, your ex-wife appointed her?
Lucy was driving her crazy.
Then, of course, of course, you made her your Press Secretary.
She's... She is a best-selling novelist.
About her days as a prostitute!
OK, yep, alright, yeah.
She's a little bit clever and I found her story mildly moving,
but she is not stable, Cleaver!
You don't know that.
I do, actually, Cleaver, I do know that,
because she went out with you,
and then she had a child with your son,
Grandad.
I'm Cal McGregor.
And you're fuckin' not. I'm Cal McGregor.
I am Cal McGregor.
- ALL: Mr McGregor! Mr McGregor! - A historic day.
Gentlemen, ladies. (CHUCKLES)
So nice to see you all here.
Mr McGregor!
Mr McGregor, you spent time in prison several years ago
for corruption.
Ah, ah, no, no. Not corruption, Judy, overreach.
You see, in attempting to achieve a memorable outcome
for the people of New South Wales, I overreached.
But I'll tell you what, Judy, in that difficult time,
I learned a very great lesson about humility,
dignity, and...
- WOMAN: Look at the pig! - MAN: Holy shit, it's a pig!
- Look at his tie. - Oh.
He's got a tie on!
(ALL SHOUT EXCITEDLY)
Ah... All things bright and beautiful, hey?
WOMAN: Mr McGregor, what did you think of that?
Right, must dash.
Mr McGregor, what are your ambitions?
(EXCLAIMS)
Little half-brother, welcome to Parliament.
I take it the pig was you. Well, I know you like bacon.
Not laughing.
We're on the same side now.
We're both in government.
You know? We should be working as a team.
I know a lot of bad blood has passed between us.
Oh, rivers of it, mate, an ocean of blood.
- Let me tell you something. - What?
In this place, as Party Leader in the Senate,
and as a key player in maintaining a disciplined government front bench,
my sole objective...
...is to fuck you over however, whenever, and as often as I want.
Well, that is so great.
We've found common ground after all,
because that's exactly what I have in mind for you.
Let the blood pour.
I'll let the sluice gates open, mate.
Let hell rain down!
Dad promised it to me!
Bullshit he did.
Yes, Senator Greene will happily give
a press conference on the treaty.
Let me just check his diary.
Right, OK, he's completely free apart from a massage on Thursday.
Great.
Maybe don't say I'm completely free.
It kind of sounds like I'm doing nothing.
Yeah, that'd be a grave distortion of the truth.
He has the sauna on Tuesdays.
Hey, you, of course, read the memo that says
all Senators are required to submit their diaries?
Remind me.
All Senators are now required to submit their diaries.
It's a new edict, full public disclosure on all meetings.
It's how Webster lost his job.
He took a government car to a house auction.
What, they got him for THAT?
And the Privileges Committee are insisting
all diaries be published on a real-time basis.
Well, that's an invasion of my privacy.
Well, you're not private, though, are you?
Open government, public interest.
Well, do you know what?
I think we'll actually be OK because I never see anyone.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Don't you think that that might be the issue?
I mean, the press is just going to love that.
Yeah, I can see it now. Senator Do-Little.
- Why are the press going to see this? - Because the diaries are public.
Mmm. What have you got here?
Just pages and pages and pages of empty...
- Oh, no, here we go. Who's "Loz?" - Oh, here?
- Loz? - I put that in.
Well, he called and he wanted an appointment, so I put it...
You can't... Did you put "Loz" in my work diary?
You can't put Loz in my work diary. Are you insane?
I mean, why not? Apart from...
You've got your massage and your sauna. Loz really is...
- No, no, no, you've got to delete - Loz, get rid of Loz, OK?
There is no Loz, do you understand?
And, listen, I'm going to need all hands on deck.
You're going to have to backfill this or something.
You know, lots of appointments.
- Appointments out the wazoo. - With who?
Anybody.
Important people. Heavy hitters.
- Not Loz. - No.
- What do you mean "No?" - No.
What are you... What? "Yes."
"Yes, Senator Greene."
"Yes, it's a part of my job description, Senator Greene."
- Oh, to lie to the Parliament? - No.
To... to maintain and upkeep Senator Greene's diary.
What part of that is lying?
Uh, what part of that is not a lie?
OK, it's a little fib, a little series of little white lies.
Guys, guys, I can't...
This thing can't show its face in public looking like that.
You're dead anyway, Cleaver.
OK.
- LOZ: Cleave... - Hey, mate.
Thanks for taking the time to meet me.
Actually, there's something I needed to talk to you about, Loz.
Mate, if it's credit, I'm so sorry, mate.
I know you bank wise, no money, no drugs, OK?
I pride myself on my professional approach.
No, no, no, I don't want drugs. I don't want drugs.
And as I pointed out, actually, they weren't for me,
they were for...
Ah, yes, you were Secretary for Defence.
Yeah, yeah, you told me, yeah, yeah.
Listen, there's something beyond money
that I need to talk to you about.
Exactly.
And that's why I wanted to talk to you in your capacity as a senator.
They are thinking of legalising marijuana.
Why not the legalisation of crack cocaine?
- Hmm... - More than that!
Ecstasy, ice, heroin.
- No... - Yeah, just make it all legal!
- Ah... - Take the stigma out of it.
Make it really available to anyone over a certain age!
Yeah, I dunno, mate, I dunno.
I mean, some of those drugs, you know, the side effects and...
Look, I know. I'm a dreamer.
I am a dreamer. I'm...
Without dreamers where would with we be, huh?
I would cease to be a criminal.
I'm sorry, sir, you can't have your ice-cream in here.
It's reserved for cafe patrons only.
Thank you.
Listen to me. Listen to me.
They have introduced legislation
to open all governmental diaries to the public.
- Alright? - Yeah.
- Yes? - I'm listening.
- Are you listening? - I'm listening.
Your name appears in my diary by accident
with your phone number.
Great. That might be useful for business.
- Lobby them! - No, no.
Not useful. Bad, bad for business.
Bad for you. Bad for me. Bad!
That's not good.
Cleave, I'm speaking to you as a Member of Parliament.
I'm one of your constituents.
Yeah, but maybe don't.
Or if somebody calls you about this, could you say,
"Oh, I'm from a pensioner's society.
"I was talking to him about..." You know...
I don't lie.
What do you mean you don't lie?
You're a criminal, for Christ's sake!
Only because of draconian government laws.
Oh!
- If you accept my submission... - Look, just...
What I'm asking you to do is to keep as low a profile as possible.
Hey! I thought I told you to clear off.
- I hope you're not talking to me. - I am talking to you.
- No. We're going... - No, we fucking weren't.
Not until I finish my ice-cream.
- Oh... - (SQUEALS)
That's a gun! That's a fucking gun!
- (SQUEALS) - (BABY CRIES)
Oi!
Oh, my God.
Sorry, what... What...
Would somebody like to explain what's going on here?
We're just... We're having a coffee.
With him? In Canberra?
I don't think so. No, no, no, no, no.
We've got family to consider.
I mean, there's a line in the sand, pal,
and you have just pole-vaulted over it.
We are discussing women's mental health and prisoner reform.
I have sent you the papers but you didn't comment so...
This is the flugelhorns in prison thing.
(SHOUTING)
If you want to reduce it to it that, yes.
- So that's all that was going on here? - What else would be going on?
- I don't know. You tell... - Ahh!
OK, listen.
If anybody asks, we were discussing Parliamentary issues, OK?
Just look after those for us.
You want me to be more like that?
I was delighted to speak the other day
with the Senate leader, Joe McGregor,
and my Minister for Homeland Security, Gareth Morrow,
who I thought would oppose the Treaty Bill,
but, no.
They went further.
They demanded not only a treaty with the First People of this land,
but meaningful dialogue
with the consultative group of elders from all over this country
who will advise the Prime Minister on how to advance this government
on Aboriginal welfare reform and treaty implementation.
Oh, yeah.
Fucking billabongs and ancient fucking wisdom. Well done, Joe!
You've let this fucking Trojan Horse into our party room.
- You gotta fix it up. - I know.
- I'm working the numbers. - And?
Well, there's plenty in the room who oppose it.
There's a few in the fucking party who agree it.
Oh, Jesus.
With the Opposition vote,
this bloody treaty will make it through the Lower House.
Alright. So it comes down to a few votes on the Senate.
Who's the weakest link? Mmm?
- Who is Wong Fu? - Dry cleaner.
- Can we make something of that? - Nup. Picking up his laundry.
- Ah, you're not even trying, are you? - Nope.
What if we put it down as
a meet and greet the Chinese community?
- Yes! - Delegation.
Yes! Exactly! Yes, great, great! Good thinking.
See, that's initiative. That's what I'm talking about.
Well done, Missy. Alright?
What's "Brian, Gate 8"?
He's another one. Great!
He was terrific guy. He's...
He was a guy who got me into a corporate box
to watch a big Bunnies game.
And he was, he was, he was very...
And, actually, the name wasn't Brian.
But he talked to me about work stuff as well and he was very keen.
I reckon he'd be prepared to say that he saw me
on at least a dozen occasions if I agree to help him.
Mm-hm. So you took a meeting with someone with a vested interest?
No, no.
I took a meeting with someone
with the best tickets to the best Bunnies game of the season.
And he gave them to you because you are a senator?
Abso-fucking.
I mean, not every saveloy strolling the streets of Darlinghurst
is going to get their hands on a ticket like that.
OK. So what did you agree to in return?
Nothing. I mean, he was all about blah, blah, I don't know...
Some legislation,
Blah, video games, schlock, bullshit, something.
Describe him.
Can we stick with the program, please?
No. Describe him?
I don't know, he's... He was a bloke, you know.
He's a bloke. He had hair, hair...
Here. Hair here, hair here. Here. Hair.
OK, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions, Cleaver,
and I need you to think very, very carefully how you answer them.
Did he look familiar?
Ah, well, yeah.
Yes. He... He did.
Actually. A bit.
And it's funny you should say that
because he seemed to know me socially.
And do you think that...
...this social function could have been a wedding?
Ringing a bell.
And... and... and do you think that
the person maybe standing next to this bloke
at this social event in a bridal gown
be, say, me?
Mmm...
It's possible. Yeah.
It could have been old, um, Brendan.
- Bevan. - Bevan.
You didn't remember Bevan from my wedding?
See, I...
I mean, I didn't get much of a look-in there
because if you remember I had...
...I had a barney with Barney on the way into the church.
- So... - Yeah. That, um...
That man that I was engaged to for nine years that, um...
...that humiliated me and that pretty near destroyed my life,
you... you don't remember him?
Oh, it was... You know, not as well as you do.
- What did you promise him, Cleaver? - Nothing.
Because, Cleaver, if you promised him anything...
No.
...anything at all,
then that is it from me.
- He got... - We are finished.
...nothing out of me.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
- Fuck it! I'm finished. - What?!
Nicole. Nicole.
Come on!
Can you just... Listen!
I'm sorry about the...
Oh. Fuck. OK.
(GROANS) Just...
Problems?
A private word, please, Cleaver.
Don't forget you've got that press conference.
What's that about?
Because if it's about the Treaty Bill, you will be voting no.
Oh, mate, I'll vote whichever way my conscience tells me to vote,
alright?
Oh, really.
(CHUCKLES)
I really love your... your little boys with their...
...with their little bouncy balls.
Oh, not that shit again.
And if that's not enough...
- Mate... - Hey, hey, hey. Try this one.
Ahhh!
You beautiful Bunnies!
Yeah.
You will be voting no or this goes viral.
Mate, oh, that's... Mate, that is...
Conscience, huh?
Senator, there is every chance the future of this treaty
will hinge on one or two crucial votes,
and I understand you have already declared your hand by saying yes?
Oh, yes. Well, yes.
Yes. Ah, yes.
I... See, I've said yes in the broad sense of,
"Yes, there is a proposal before the House
"and, yes, it merits my full consideration."
But you are voting yes.
The sign in front of you says it.
This... What?
Oh, well, see, that's... that's... that sign's from, um,
the old marriage equality debate days, back when that was a thing.
But it says "Yes Treaty."
Yes. Treaty. Yes.
Yes. Well, it... Marriage is a treaty, isn't it?
Between a man and woman.
Or a... or a man and a man and woman and a woman or anything...
- So you're not voting yes? - Well, now you're... You see, you...
Caitlin, you're putting words in my mouth
and I don't appreciate it, because, um,
you know, I have been very clear about this all along.
And I'd like you to quote me correctly if you don't mind.
Um, I... I love this bill.
I mean, what a great bill.
And what a... what a thing to be a part of.
I will be a part of, um,
any understanding that leads to an unpacking of a...
...of a much broader community-based conversation if you will.
- Senator... - No more questions, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
- I think... - What happened?
I reckon I'm getting the hang of this shit.
How about the diary?
Did you find anymore possibilities?
Cleave, are you voting yes or no?
Well, yes. Definitely.
One of those two.
(GUNFIRE RATTLES, WOMAN SCREAMS)
MAN: (OVER COMPUTER) Tell me you want it.
- WOMAN: (OVER COMPUTER) I want it. - Mm. Feel that pain.
- Mmm. - Don't hurt me!
- (SCREAMS) - (EVIL LAUGHTER)
- (CHAINSAW BUZZES) - Oh, my God.
You see, I have railed against censorship for all these years
and then you see shit like this.
You're telling me you never watch porn?
Well, I mean, enjoy the occasional viewing
of consenting amateur adults enjoying their bodies in large numbers,
but this is... this is disgusting.
So, are you voting yes or no?
Or possibly both?
No, definitely.
(BABY SQUEALS)
And I can say that publicly?
Say away.
(BABY SQUEALS)
- (DOOR SHUTS) - Cleave. Mate.
Mate, you might have told me you are the shithead who dumped Nicole.
No. I presumed you knew.
Let's get the facts straight here.
She is the one who pissed off on me with your old bald mate.
You didn't have to treat her like shit.
I got payback.
- Oh, right. - Yeah.
I got payback and that's how that works.
Is that how it works?
Yes. How many women have you fucked over in your time?
Mate, I have never in my life set out to deliberately hurt any woman.
OK.
Let's not let this get in the road
of a multimillion-dollar business opportunity.
Not interested, pal.
- Seriously? - Seriously.
For Nicole.
Who, for the record, thinks you're an idiot, by the way.
Nicole has always been a very good judge of character, hasn't she?
You know what?
You came very cheaply, my friend.
One day in my box.
I made the mistake of watching
your stupid fucking game last night, mate.
And I'm here to tell you, I think the world has enough problems
without 12-year-olds, who aren't the new 18, by the way,
being exposed to your demented shit.
- OK? - OK.
You're making a big mistake, Greene.
Well, that would not be the first, would it?
What? What's this?
The vet told me to keep her close at all times.
- Oh, come on. Jesus Christ. - (CAT MEWLS)
She needs ointment on and in her anus every hour.
- Till it clears. - Right.
I did actually tell you, I am allergic to cats, didn't I.
Yes, I believe you did.
And when I was a little fella I was actually hospitalised
and the doctor told my mum that it was a miracle I survived.
(CHUCKLES) But here you are.
Doctors and mothers, what do they know, eh?
I think you may have missed the point of my story, mate.
Some very worried people in Canberra now.
Concerned that their diaries don't match up with the drivers logs.
What, they match our diaries to your logs?
Yeah, rigorously.
But you're different. You hide nothing.
You're quite happy for them to know about your trips to the winery.
- So your logs mention wineries? - Yes.
The runs to the dry cleaners.
The times I pick up the takeaway. Your run to the football.
See, I thought all of that would have been off the books, mate.
Which is why I suggested you list the business with the ambulance
as consulting health professionals.
Yes. Yes.
In the interest of good governance, there is much we can alter.
Because as a responsible driver,
you know, we keep a second set of books,
for security purposes, of course.
Of course.
So, if you perceive any security issues...
And I do.
Indeed.
Which is why we provide the diary service.
Diary service.
So, mate, how does this diary service work?
It's quite simple.
My associate supplies clients
with a list of meetings and names of people
prepared to say that they were in attendance at those meetings.
What sort of meetings?
Appropriate and uncontroversial.
My associates organise meet-and-greet sessions
so one can familiarise themselves with the faces
of people you're supposed to have met.
OK, hypothetically the cost of all this stuff?
To me? Nothing.
I only mention it as a service.
I regard you as my friend.
But for the provision of, say, a dozen meetings or so?
Around the $2,000 mark.
Holy shit.
And how long does it take to organise?
And also surely they've got a kind of discount rate for politicians
who might have, say, only 4 or 5 diary entries for the year.
It wouldn't take long. A couple of hours.
An all-up fee of $5,000.
Finance, of course, can be arranged.
And, in return, I would be able to ask a small favour of you.
Yeah, yeah, of course mate. No problem. Yeah.
(MAN SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Holy shit.
- Cleaver. - Andy. Amy.
Noddy.
OK, can well get this over as quickly as possible?
Let's compare diaries,
make sure we don't double up on names
and help each other out by confirming meetings.
Ah, I'll go first.
Who wants to be with me at a meeting on the 12th of January?
- SEVERAL VOICES: Yes. - With Anselm Kowalski?
Anselm?
And you're with the... Friends of Poland Association.
Right.
And, uh, I attended a night of folkloric dancing.
We danced, sure.
No, we watched the dancing, together.
OK. We danced. We watched.
WOMAN: Can I be at that also?
I was there too, Anselm.
Sure. We danced.
Great. Me too. I was... I was there.
Does anybody else want to join me with Mary Seallazowski?
- Marie Schilozowski. - Mrislovski?
At the Polish supporters of Reforestation of Mordialloc?
Yes. Maricia, if you're here, give us a wave.
Tell me. Is everyone here Polish?
Yeah. Are there any non-Polish organisations on the list?
Iago was born on the Slovakian border.
Oh, well, that opens things up.
Everybody else is...?
From Krakow.
- Calumny! - (ALL GASP, EXCLAIM)
- Collusion. - Fuck. Oh!
Corruption.
Three words that will ring loud on the media tonight, folks.
This is not what you think, Cal.
No, no, of course it's not.
Spare yourself the indignity of denial.
All of you.
The empty little diaries, trying to fill them up with bullshit.
Some of us from the same party. Think of the damage.
Integrity comes at a cost.
I own each and every one of your hides from now
until the end of time.
Greene.
Come with me.
A little birdie told me that you intend voting no
on the new videogame censorship rating.
Now, that no...
...is a big yes.
You understand?
It's so good to be back.
Oh! Caitlin has been waiting for over an hour.
This time be clear with her.
Hello, Senator. So.
Yes or no to the relaxing of censorship laws on videogames?
One or the other?
I would appreciate it if you would respect my privacy
and the privacy of my family at this difficult time.
Pardon? Why... What has your family got to do with anything?
Yes. What?
They are innocent bystanders in all of this
and I would ask you to kindly remember that next time.
Thank you.
(PHONE BUZZES)
Prime Minister.
Cleave.
I'm only going to get one crack at this.
And I have bided my time.
Played their game.
Gone with the flow.
Waiting.
But now it's time.
They are going to dump me as leader in the next couple of weeks,
sure as heck.
Morrow... (CHUCKLES)
...he's chomping at the bit.
I heard you were in support of this bill.
But now you're wavering.
Look, I understand the pressure that you are under on both sides.
All I ask is you do as your conscience says.
Be sure to put your feet in the right place.
And then stand firm.
Abe Lincoln said that.
- MAN: Senator. - G'day, mate.
- A double Scotch, no ice, thanks. - Sure.
MAN: Tough day, boss?
Oh, yes. Yes. Mate.
It's the unseen stress of these jobs that gets you down.
Yeah. Pressure, pressure.
Old mother pressure.
Oh. There you go, mate.
You how I handle it?
Alcohol?
Nope, never the bottle, never the way.
No. I say to myself every night,
"Frank, don't bother about old mother stress
"because tomorrow is father's day."
(LAUGHS)
Incredible.
I gave that same advice to whatshername
from whatshisname's office.
Er... I've got nothing, mate.
John MacArthur.
Who introduced merino sheep to Australia?
- Did he? - Ah, you probably mean Joe McGregor.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's the one.
Anyway, his assistant is run off her feet
trying to work out how to hit his brother, Col.
Cal.
So, there's two of them?
One in politics.
Anyway, this assistant is run ragged
trying to work out what the other one is doing
just so they can vote the other way.
Is that right?
See, mate.
This is why we pay you the big bucks, because you are a genius.
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
No reason to see you.
I just wanted you to know I'm right behind this no vote, mate.
I know you are.
- I was worried that your brother... - Half-brother!
...might have put pressure on me to vote yes
but luckily he is behind the no vote as well.
Sorry to trouble you.
Cleaver!
Piss off. I'm trying to digest food.
I just wanted to clarify, mate,
you still good for me to vote yes
to relaxing this videogame censorship stuff?
Why would I change?
Nothing. No reason.
You wouldn't.
Your brother will be... he'll be very happy.
Half-brother.
- He'd be very what? - He'd be thrilled, mate.
He's very much in favour.
Cleave.
Have you eaten, mate?
MAN: Division. Lock the doors.
On Bill 42289TN.
The reregulation of censorship provisions
regarding the availability and reclassification of videogames.
The nays have it.
ALL: Yes!
(APPLAUSE)
I call for a vote now for Bill 11749RD
enacting a treaty with the Aboriginal people of Australia.
Ayes to my right.
No's to the left.
(GENERAL HUBBUB)
64 ayes, 12 nays, the ayes have it.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
I need you to get Caitlin Farquhart on the phone for me, please.
Too late. Nobody home.
You're kidding me.
See, I voted the way I said I was always going to vote.
My feet firmly planted.
It doesn't matter.
David Potter made a brilliant, funny speech in Parliament
that everyone's talking about.
Funny?
Yeah, he spoke about some guy at his school called Solly Pilchard.
What did he say?
Solly Pilchard?
Solly Pilchard was at my school.
He's... Solly Pilchard is mine.
It was hilarious.
What kind of a fucking animal steals another...
Excuse, guys.
Well done, guys. Incredible result.
That's great.
Did you tell Harry my Solly Pilchard story?
- Oh, my God. - Did you?
- Cleave, you probably made it up. - Because he is using that story.
He has used that story in Parliament.
OK, that's my story.
Cleaver what does it matter?
An historic piece of legislation has just gone through for a change
and you are on the right side.
Well, I mean, that's... that was a no-brainer.
An easy moral choice.
Even more surprising, have you spoken to our son lately?
Ah, yes, well, tried to.
He generally pretends to be
in some non-internet-connected Latin-speaking nation.
Something about an apple and a tree is coming to mind.
- Can you please keep trying? - Will do, chief.
Ah, can we expect to see more of you around these parts?
Well, there's no shortage of people with personal problems.
Incredible result, guys.
I mean, what a day.
- (CHAINSAW BUZZES) - WOMAN: Don't hurt me!
MAN: Want to feel pain?
(SWITCHES COMPUTER OFF)
Great game. Must get it for my kid for Christmas.
(COMPUTER TRILLS)
Oh! Hello, Pablo.
PABLO: (OVER COMPUTER) Hi, Cleave.
I don't know what to do, Dad.
Yes. Yes, I figured as much.
I never wanted this baby,
I never wanted, you know, any of this.
Look, it's a tad late to be having those thoughts now, isn't it?
You don't think I know that?
I made such a fuckin' mess of my life.
You've still got a fair whack of it to go, mate.
I mean, you were never not going to fuck up with your gene pool.
Mum's not a fuck-up.
Yes, she is.
What are you, crazy? Of course she is.
She is just more socially acceptable face of it.
Come on. I mean, three marriages.
You know, A little dalliance with the LGBT department.
It's just LGBTQI.
They need a vowel, don't they.
They really need a vowel in there.
- Leg but. Leg but. Log bet. - Dad.
I'm actually pretty bad here.
I know, mate.
I know I should come back.
Look, Missy always, always wanted a baby.
OK? And now she's got a beautiful baby girl.
So... that's the important thing.
I'm the worst father ever.
No, you're not.
I mean, come on. What about...
Oh, mate. There's... What about old, you know, Mr Fritzl?
With all those kids down in the basement? I mean, come on.
Even I'm not the worst father in the world.
But listen to me.
You're going to have to come to some sort of an arrangement with Missy.
OK? Something that works for both of you.
How do people just be happy like that?
Meet someone? Spend the rest of their life together?
I've got no clue. You are speaking to the wrong fuckwit, mate.
You know, people send you all these positive thought bubbles.
It's the things you didn't do in life you regret.
For me it's always been the things I did do, I regret.
But, you know, problems tend to dissipate over time, mate,
and one day, who knows?
You might wake up and find that
you're actually head over heels in love with this kid,
and despite your best efforts to fuck them up they kind of love you too.
- I'll come back soon. - Don't come back straightaway.
Go and do some stuff.
See some things.
And... and don't worry about Missy and Winston.
I've got my eye on them.
Alright.
See you, Cleave.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Was that him?
No.
Meaning yes?
Yes. No.
One of the two.
You know you don't need to protect me.
Don't I?
I feel like I took up with a clone of you.
(LAUGHS)
Talk about a sucker for pain, right?
But you think that everything is going your way.
And then,
sneaking up on you just disguised as a couple of Skype calls...
...you find yourself back in that...
...old familiar terrain.
- But this time with a bubba. - Mmm.
That is a good thing, isn't it?
Completely.
God, I have made a lot of pretty spectacular screw-ups in my life.
She is not one of them.
You know, I reckon the worst thing about all of this
is the knowledge that despite everything...
...we haven't really changed at all.
We're stuck.
Stuckety stuck.
(BABY CRIES)
Goodnight, Cleave.
Goodnight, sweetheart.
Oh...
Ah. Good morning, Glenda.
Dad had a painting. And Dad always promised it to me.
But Joe said that Dad promised it to him, which is bullshit.
Senator Greene would love to see his constituents
but he can't find them under all the Lego and beanie boots.
(REPORTERS TALK AT ONCE)
No, no, no, no!
(LAUGHS)
- (APPLAUSE) - Ah!