♪
I don't wanna say goodbye.
Oh, I don't wanna say goodbye, either.
Then why are we?
Because tonight's the premiere of Game of Thrones,
and I've been waiting a year for it,
and you'll have no idea what's going on,
and I do not wanna bore you.
Aw... (GIGGLES) You're such a considerate boyfriend.
Aw. It's gonna be tough. Our first night apart,
but it starts in five minutes. Okay, love you, bye.
- Bye. - Okay.
Surprise!
I'm a-stayin'!
You're a-what-in?
I just realized something. This was a test.
You wanted to see if I would stay here and watch your show
with you and be bored, or go home and do something
I wanna do. I choose you.
You are the sweetest girlfriend ever, but
you'll have no idea what's goin' on,
and I am not gonna put you through that.
Oh. All right, so you'll fill me in.
But it's the seventh season, and that's a lot of fill-in.
Okay, so we'll just... We'll DVR it, and then we'll watch it
after you've explained everything.
But the whole fun of it is watchin' it live
and it's just about to start!
Okay, well, then I'll just ask you while we're watchin'.
(GROANS)
Ah, so what do you get if you win the Game of Thrones?
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod - www.addic7ed.com
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ She in the spotlight
♪ And she turn my head
♪ She run a red light
♪ 'Cause she bad like that
♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪
♪ Baby, I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪
Gabi?
(LAUGHS)
♪ I sort of live alone ♪
Oh! You're home!
Not for long. I'm packin' a whole bunch of stuff,
and I'm goin' right back to Josh's so I
don't have to keep comin' back here.
Isn't he rich? Can't you just buy you clothes?
Sofia, Josh and I had the best night,
the best week, the best month.
I mean, there are 24 hours in the day,
and that is still not enough.
There are 168 hours in a week.
Is it too much to ask for one hour... one hour,
to myself?
- Am I a horrible person? - No. You're gorgeous.
Anyone would want time away from her.
I'll tell you what, all this...
This spending every second together,
though lovely,
so lovely...
is sometimes a bit...
Suffocating? Smothering?
Like you wanna give men a try?
It's just... occasionally,
I would like a little alone time.
You need to help me, Elliot.
Help you find a plan to spend less time with Gabi?
I've got a file on that.
It has to be nice.
I don't wanna hurt her.
I love my Gabi-Cat.
- Hey! - Ooh!
Why do you look like an Oscar that ate a Golden Globe?
Let's just say I'm hopin' to run into the new neighbor,
so I can find out if his Magic Mike is XXL!
(GASPS) Dancer-slash-choreographer
tWitch bought the penthouse down the hall?
You got that from that?
Damn it! Why did he have to wait till I got married to move in?
Uh, yeah, that's the reason you'll never hook up with tWitch.
What about you? You're dating Rabbi Ben.
Oh, you mean Rabbi Has-Been?
(LAUGHS) Let's just say pork wasn't the only thing
he wouldn't eat.
If anyone needs me, I'm gonna be waitin' in the hallway
to get my tWitch on!
Ooh! Somethin' smells yummy!
Yeah. Last night we watched your favorite show,
so tonight, we're gonna watch my favorite show, Cake Wars.
Do you hear that, Elliot? We're gonna spend
the night together watchin' Cake Wars!
Sounds like hell.
Because you can't watch it with her!
What? Why?
Did you seriously forget about the Bay Seal Swimmers?
What's the Bay Seal Swimmers?
Oh, it's this club I joined to help save the seals.
- Save the bay. - Which in turn saves the seals.
And, uh, Elliot, as a member of this club,
what would one do, Gabi wants to know?
It means once a month, he swims to Alcatraz and back.
That sounds hard.
That's why it requires training.
Three nights a week.
Is there any way out of it?
Unfortunately, no. No, there is not, Josh.
Damn it!
(GROANS) This is kiling me.
Me too. But if the bay needs my "bae..."
God, you're so heroic.
I've never loved you more.
Mm, I've never loved you more.
It's just you and me tonight. We are all alone.
Gabi is at a movie!
Gabi, the new Bridget Jones movie starts in 10 minutes.
Yeah, I know, I know. I just wanna
leave a couple protein snacks for Josh
when he gets back from swim practice.
These are the things you do when you have a boyfriend.
Well, when you don't, you go to the movie theater
and flirt with the high-schooler behind the counter
to get free Milk Duds.
I don't care what she looks like!
Hang on, hang on. Wait, wait, wait.
Let me just send a text real quick.
"I miss you. How's swim practice, question mark."
(PHONE DINGS)
Uh-oh.
Uh, "Just got out of the water.
"Feeling good, but missing you.
Wave emoji. Swimmer emoji. Sad emoji."
(PHONE DINGS)
Oh, that's so sweet, he misses me, too.
Mm-hm. You know who misses me?
No one. That's why I picked a movie theater
that serves booze, come on.
Hang on, hang on, hang on. One second, one second, one second.
"Send me back a pic from practice."
(PHONE DINGS)
A pic? A pic, uh...
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(EXHALES)
(PHONE DINGS)
Aw, looks how cute he is when he's wet!
You know who else is cute? All the inexplicably
hot guys who fight over Bridget Jones.
JOSH: Elliot!
I cannot tell you how good it feels to have a night to myself.
That whole Bay Seal Swimmers thing? That was genius.
Speaking of, I bought you a Speedo for the race?
You know I'm not actually swimming, right?
(WHISPERS) Just try it on.
There she is.
Are you feeling better?
So much. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder all night.
You know, I'm pretty sure mascara comes out
- of white cashmere. - (CHUCKLES) It doesn't.
But this isn't about me and the one nice thing I had.
Uh, I went out and got all your favorites:
peanut butter and jelly donuts, raspberry scones, a chai latte.
Aren't those all your favorites?
Are they? Everything's been a blur since my sweater got ruined.
Sofia, after I spent hours trying to get
over the fact that Josh wanted time away
from me, I was lying in bed, and I can't believe I'm gonna say this,
but it was kind of nice to have time away from him.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
It felt great. I mean, I didn't realize how much I missed
my bed space until I got it back.
I mean, you know me, Sofia, I'm a diagonal sleeper, and last night,
I got to diagonal. I mean, I don't need to diagonal every night,
but a few nights a week would be nice.
Mmm, that's perfect then. You both get what you want, problem solved.
Problem not solved!
Oh, no, here we go.
I mean, Josh is clearly having an issue with me,
and he's scared to talk to me about it.
If we're going to have a relationship,
he needs to learn how to communicate.
Well, Gabi, that's very mature of you.
So you're gonna go over there and talk to him?
Why would I go talk to him?
I mean, he's the one who started it!
If... If I tell him that I need a few nights away from him,
he's never gonna have to admit that he needs a few nights away from me!
Do you want him to admit it first because you want him
to learn to communicate, or do you want him to admit it first
so that you can get your nights alone
without having to admit to him that you want them too?
Okay, that sounds super complicated.
All I know, is that I have to wait till the perfect moment
and pull it out of him!
Oh, boy, I can't wait for my sexy surprise!
(THINKING): Not only did I get my alone time,
but now that we're together, it's more sexy and amazing than ever!
Did you know, in order to achieve maximum speed,
Michael Phelps waxes his whole body?
What?
I did not know that.
Please tell me that's chili.
Nope. It's wax. Hot, hot wax!
(THINKING): What am I gonna do? My chest hair's my showpiece!
Okay, I think the wax has reached peak hot-i-tude.
(THINKING): This is it. Admit I lied, or get waxed.
Either way, I'm getting something off my chest.
(LAUGHS)
So, uh, is there anything you wanna tell me before we start
drippin' and rippin'?
(THINKING): The truth? Oh God, I can't tell her the truth.
It's been three days. It's much too late.
It's gone too far!
Let's do this!
Okay, then. Here we go.
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Wait!
Yes? Is there something you wanna tell me?
Yes, there is.
Go!
(SCREAMS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
Hey!
Damn it!
I thought you were tWitch.
I can't believe you're still out here, it's been four days.
I know. I've done more housework waitin' on tWitch
than I've done in years.
Hey, hold the elevator, please.
BOTH: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Hey, tWitch. I'm... - Elliot.
First things first, I'm married.
I have to tell you that up front. It's just easier this way.
Hi, Elliot.
- And you must be... - A huge fan!
I loved you on So You Think You Can Dance,
and Ellen. And Brokeback Mountain.
I... I wasn't in that.
You were up here.
It's always nice to meet a fan.
Oh! Then you'll love my husband.
Clearly, he has a type.
Why are you pressing seven?
This is why.
See what you did, Yolanda?
You scared him off!
Me? I wait four days and finally get a moment with tWitch,
and you totally clam-jam me!
Clam-jam?
(GAGGING)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
Yeah!
I can't believe it!
Nothing! Nothing!
I waxed his whole body, including his chest,
and he's still pretending like he's
going on that fricking swim tomorrow!
Damn, that takes balls.
Yeah. And you can see 'em real good now.
You know what, Gabi? None of this would've happened
if you had just listened to me in the first place.
So go over there and tell him the truth.
Are you out of your mind?
If I tell him that I knew he was lying
the whole time, and I waxed his whole body anyway, he's gonna think
I'm the meanest girlfriend ever.
- Well? - I'm not that mean!
A mean girlfriend would call him on his bluff,
and make him swim in the race tomorrow anyway, even though
- he's had no training... - (GASPS)
(CLANGING)
Wake up, sleepyhead!
There's nothing to left to wax!
The swim starts in an hour, and I have another surprise for you!
Guess who's coming with?
- You? - Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
Ding!
♪
Josh, come on!
Cold, cold, cold, cold.
Well, thank you for takin' me.
- Bye! - Bye? What, like I'm gonna leave?
I'm so excited to cheer on my boyfriend.
But... I don't want you to.
Aw. I know what this is.
This is a test. This is Game of Thrones all over again!
No, it's not!
Yes, you're just trying to see if I'm a dedicated girlfriend
who'll stay and watch you swim. Well,
of course I am, and of course I will!
- You test me a lot! - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow, Elliot!
Oh, look, there's Elliot, with my registration number.
I need to go see him right now!
Are you warm enough, honey!
Actually, the hot cocoa's lukewarm!
I don't care!
Did you rent the row boat?
Yes! All you have to do is swim out to
the first buoy, and then your home buoy
will be waiting there to scoop you up!
"Home buoy." That would be cute if I wasn't freezing,
hairless and wearing a Speedo that you bought one size too small.
Oh... did I?
(PHONE CHIMES)
Hey! Sofia, what you doin' awake?
Are you an idiot?
Okay, you're gonna have to be way more specific.
Well, Gabi, I am referring to your note,
which said you were at Bay Seal Swimmers.
Seriously, Gabi, you'd let your boyfriend just swim two miles
in shark-infested waters and possibly die just to prove a point?
(LAUGHS) He's not gonna die, Sofia. He's not even gonna jump in.
This is a game of chicken.
Just like Game of Thrones but with chicken.
And I'm about to win!
GABI (GASPS): Oh my God, this is awesome.
He's shaking out his muscles like he's really gonna go in.
Oh, now he's wavin' to me, and I'm wavin' back!
Bye, good luck!
He's finally gonna have to admit the truth.
In three, two, one!
- (AIR HORN BLARES) - (SPLASHES)
Gabi? Gabi, what happened?
I just killed the only man I've ever loved!
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(THINKING): Oh my damn! Oh my damn!
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(THINKING): This is it! Don't blow it!
(CHUCKLES) I mean not yet.
Hey, I've... I've been wantin' to talk to you.
(THINKING): I've been wantin' to talk to you, too.
Out loud, Yolanda. Say it out loud!
Hey!
You know, it's kind of hard ignoring this heat between us.
You feel it, too? (LAUGHS) I thought I was havin' a hot flash!
(LAUGHS) Look, I'm just gonna say it.
I think you're intoxicating.
I am a little, but I can still drive.
(LAUGHS) No, I meant beautiful.
You did?
Yeah. And funny, and...
Would you like to get together sometime?
Absolutely, uh, yes. You know, I... I have a confession to make.
You're my celebrity crush.
Mm, well, I have a confession back.
You're my free pass.
So, um... do you wanna grab dinner tonight, Jackée?
(THINKING): Jackée? He's only attracted to me because he thinks
I'm Jackée? Oh, hell, no!
(À LA JACKÉE): Ooh, I'd love to!
Mary!
- Elliot! - (DISTANT FOGHORN BLARES)
Elliot?
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Hey! Where are you? I'm on the buoy!
I'm at the buoy, too. But I don't see you.
Well, obviously, there's more than one buoy.
Huh, you didn't think this plan through very well.
You came up with this plan, Elliot!
Then obviously I'm at the right buoy!
Oh my God! I'm cold. I'm freaked out.
I'm gonna swim back to the dock.
But if you do that, Gabi might see you.
How can anyone see anything in this fog?
You know what? I'm beginning to think
this entire thing was a stupid idea.
Which part, swimming to Alcatraz or dating Gabi?
Hello? Hello?
I'm sorry if I'm screaming, but my boyfriend is out there,
and I don't even know if he can swim!
Why aren't you doing anything? Do something!
Lifeguard! Lifeguard!
You're not a lifeguard?
No, I'm Kenny. Kenny's Kettle Corn.
What if he gets so tired that he falls asleep and he drowns?
That happened to my brother.
That's not helping, Kenny!
That's what he said!
Oh my God, this is all my fault.
I pushed him into the Bay Seal Swimmers.
I should've just told him I knew he was lying the whole time!
JOSH: You knew the whole time?
I can still hear him.
I heard my brother's voice for a year.
Hang in there, baby girl.
They got a lotta great support groups out there.
Kettle corn! Get your kettle corn!
You let me jump into shark-infested waters,
and you knew the whole time?
Josh! You're okay!
(GROANS) I don't understand!
Why wouldn't you just tell me that you knew?
Well, why didn't you tell me you needed alone time?
Why would I need to tell you if you already knew that?
Why do I have to be the one to teach you to communicate?
Gabi... the only reason I didn't tell you I wanted my alone time
was 'cause I didn't wanna hurt you.
I didn't want you to think that I didn't love you.
Because I do.
So, you let me wax you from head-to-toe, and risked being eaten alive
just so I wouldn't get hurt? That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard!
I'm sorry.
I should've just told you the truth from the beginning.
And I'm really sorry that I waxed you.
Me too. Could really use the warmth right now.
So you're okay with me liking my alone time?
Look, it's, uh... it's not gonna be easy,
but, uh, I'm... I'm a mature woman,
and I love you, so I will make the sacrifice.
- You like your alone time, too. - Loved it!
That first night, I was by myself, in my bed,
and I remembered that I love to diagonal.
You like to diagonal?
I like to diagonal, too.
You do? Wait, that's great. So tonight,
we'll both stay home and we'll diagonal.
Well, no. Diagonal's something you do together.
How? How is that gonna work?
Well, it's easy, you just...
Wait.
What do you... What do you mean by diagonal?
Uh, sleeping diagonally across the b... What do you mean?
Not that.
Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean?
Communicate. Communicate.
Hello?
Is anyone out there?
I'm lost. I'm afraid.
(WHALE BELLOWING)
Is that you, Yolanda?
Oh!
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh my God! I finally have cell service.
Josh?
Elliot, where are you?
I've been rowing for hours.
I can't go on.
There's a shark out here!
Why don't you just turn on the motor?
There's a motor?
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod - www.addic7ed.com