Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com
Sweet candied corn cobs!
This is gonna be the best Woodchuck Weekend ever!
This is our opportunity to plan every activity for the camp,
so we've gotta go big!
Well, whatever we do, it's gonna be better than Weasel Weekend.
Yeah, Hazel just threw rocks at us for two days.
Although, that Emma pinata was remarkably realistic.
Oh, that wasn't a pinata.
She just told the campers to hit me with sticks.
Lou, your parents are on the phone.
It seems pretty important.
I'll just take it outside.
You know, it's not too late to go with my idea for Woodchuck Weekend.
Zuri, for the last time, we are not taking the campers to Country Music Land.
But they just got a new roller coaster.
Blake Shelton's Shockwave!
It's got more ups and downs than his love life.
Lou, what's wrong?
My dog Hank just died.
Oh, no... Hank?
You've had him your whole life!
I'm so sorry, Lou.
Me, too.
Thanks, guys.
But Hank had a good long life.
I guess it was just his time.
I remember the first time I met Hank.
He tackled me so hard I fell into your hay baler.
I had to get stitches.
Oh, sweetie. Is that why your ear looks so weird?
I got the stitches in my arm.
What's wrong with my ear?
Nothing!
If I squint.
♪ Here we go
♪ We're leaving the city behind right now
♪ Let's gather by the campfire light
♪ And sing this song
All: ♪ Kikiwaka
♪ Hanging out with someone new
♪ Then falling out of a camp canoe
♪ What's that smell? It's on your shoe
All: ♪ Kikiwaka
♪ Got a s'more in my hair
♪ Mosquitos in our underwear
♪ Shower's broke but we don't care
All: ♪ Kikiwaka
♪ This is our home away from home away from home away from home
♪ But watch your back A bear just ate my phone
All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka
All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪
Okay, Tiffany, are you ready to play Mega Mutants?
No, I'm dressed up like a violin-human-hybrid to get boys.
(Laughs) Of course I'm ready!
Ooh, nice tail, by the way.
I do not wear it often.
Mrs. Kipling gets jealous that her trunk does not pack this much junk.
(Laughs)
Oh, how cute. You're both dressed as the only things you've ever kissed.
Please, if that were true, I would look like my pillow.
And that was a terrible comeback...
Wait, are you playing Mega Mutants?
Yes, yes, we get it. We're nerds.
Destined to die alone, feasted upon by the cats we so adored.
All of that is true, but... I also love Mega Mutants.
It's my favorite role playing game!
Pssh, yeah, right.
That is as preposterous as a Level Two Mutant
thinking she can defeat Dr. Lobotomy Without the hauser knife. (Laughing)
Um, I wouldn't need the Hauser Knife, because I'm a Level Four,
and I'm always packin' fire dust!
Boom! Boom! Boom!
(Gasps) You do play!
Tiffany: Awesome!
I was just a humble violin prodigy
until gamma rays from a faulty vending machine
reconfigured my genes, and turned me into... Violina!
I, of course, am the Mutant Master, Lizardo the Wise.
Your cold-blooded, but warm-hearted, narrator, and helpful game guide.
I play as Psytress.
My pigtails give me the power to control minds.
If only it worked in real life.
Oh, the things I would make Xander do.
Like braid your hair?
Yeah, let's go with that.
Eww, my lunch has a paw in it.
And that's not even the grossest part.
Apparently, someone stole all the good meat out of the kitchen.
So instead of pulled pork, we're having pulled porcupine.
On the bright side, it comes with a free toothpick.
I'm not that hungry anyway.
I just feel so bad for Lou.
Hank was her oldest friend. I know.
She said when she was growing up, she never went anywhere without him.
Like me and a platinum card.
Woo!
Who's ready for Chuckfest?
Wow Lou... You look... Festive.
C'mon bestie, let's go make you a hat like mine.
I taught you how to skin a rat, right?
That's weird.
Lou doesn't seem to be sad about Hank at all.
The really weird thing is they're going to look for rats in the kitchen.
All: Freaks of Nature... Unite!
(Ululating)
Your quest begins outside a top secret military compound.
My lizard senses tell me the Golden Gauntlet is there.
We choose to explore the compound!
Very well,
but this is also where the government performs
sinister experiments on mutants such as yourselves.
Those jerk-faces! All we want is to live in harmony with humans!
When will they learn?
Your shouting, while a bold character choice, has alerted the guard mutants.
Lizardo's tail tingles...
You now find yourselves face-to-face with a terrifying,
(Gasps) Level nine, rhino-doodle!
Half rhino, half poodle, it is as vicious as it is hypoallergenic.
Psytress, we cannot fight a Level Nine!
But I can use my power of song to distract it while we run away.
(Lizard voices)
Or... We rip its horn off and put it right where that doodle doodies!
Is it wrong that I am scared and titillated?
Ew, yes.
Psytress, your mutant powers alone are not strong enough to defeat it.
You have to roll a six to win.
Done! We're getting that Gauntlet!
Ooh, sorry, a four!
(Gasps) The rhino-doodle charges, knocking Psytress unconscious!
He drags you both into the compound,
and fuses your bodies together into one terrifyingly grotesque mutant!
Rats.
Hop on, Violina.
Wait, there is something in this canteen!
(Gasps)
Perhaps it is a potion that could reverse your disfigurement!
(Straining) Mouth, mouth, mouth!
Did it work? Ha!
No, that was just water. Lizardo enjoys a good prank.
Tiffany! You're snoring again.
Yeah, knock it off, or I'll have to use my anti-snoring device.
Hey, I don't snore anymore!
Mostly, because I'm too afraid to go to sleep.
(Buzzing) I think it's coming from the great lawn.
(Chainsaw revving)
Okay, this is weird even for Lou.
Yep. Unless one of the seven stages of grief is "late night woodworking."
Somebody shut that saw-wielding weirdo up!
I need my beauty sleep!
What she needs is a beauty coma.
Lou!
(All gasp)
What in the name of lady lumberjacks are you doing?
Duh! Carving a woodchuck for Woodchuck Weekend.
What was I supposed to do, wait till morning, like a chump?
All: Yes!
Okay, campers, show's over, back to bed!
Lou, are you sure you're okay?
Yeah, swell. Never better. Why do ya ask?
Well, ever since Hank died, you've been acting... Oddly peppy.
You know, it's okay to be sad about Hank.
Lou, we're here for you if you want to talk about him.
I don't want to talk about him, okay?
He's gone, and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
Aww, Lou. He knows how much you loved him.
I really did.
Come here.
You know, when Hank would give me a hug,
he'd bury his nose in my neck and slobber all over my shirt.
He was my big, cuddly, drool faucet!
And you're mine, Lou.
Let it all out.
(Snorts)
Maybe she should have kept some of that in.
Are you ready to roll?
Both: We are!
Ow!
You win again!
This time you defeated the deadly, yet delicious,
peanut butter and jellyfish.
This is so easy! Now that we are combined into a single mutant,
our powers are so strong, all we have to roll is a one and we crush everything!
I'm pretty sure the only thing being crushed is my spine.
Sorry.
As a reward for your progress, Lizardo presents you with the ultra rare
invisibility cloak!
(All vocalizing)
No way!
I've always wanted one of these!
And not just for sneaking into the boys' cabin to sniff Xander's pillow!
And now we can search that compound for the Gauntlet without getting caught.
(Gasps) Where did she go?
(Laughs)
This is the greatest Mega Mutants quest I've ever been on!
This is even more fun than when I told the campers
to smack the candy right out of Emma.
Yeah, we make a really great team.
Well, I gotta go.
You can only leave campers locked in a tool shed for so long
before their air runs low.
Bye-eee!
Did Hazel just... Hug us?
Yeah. Oddly enough, she's much nicer as a mind-controlling mutant.
I feel terrible for Lou, but I'm glad she's finally dealing with her loss.
She really loved that dog.
Hank was the best!
He had the cutest way of saying hello to me.
He'd grab my leg in his mouth, and start pulling
until it felt like my leg was gonna rip right off.
(Laughs) Ah, good times.
Uh, sweetie...
Did it ever occur to you that maybe Hank didn't like you?
What?
If he didn't like me, then why was he always flashing his teeth at me,
and playfully growling, and oh my gosh, he hated me.
(Exclaims)
Lou?
You look... Great.
Just um... I'm lookin' for tissues.
Thought Gladys might have some in the mess hall.
That's where she reads her Internet dating rejections.
Hey, Lou.
As part of Woodchuck Weekend, we're teaching the campers how to plant a tree.
You want to help? It might cheer you up.
Yeah, it combines your two favorite things.
Teaching kids, and mulch.
I do like mulch.
But I'll just hang back and let you guys do your thing.
Okay.
Now, kids, the first step when planting a tree is to dig a hole.
Dig.
Ol' Hank loved to dig.
Sorry, carry on.
And when you're holding the sapling, be careful.
The bark is still delicate. Bark.
You know who had a great bark?
Hank!
Poor Lou.
Let me get you a hankie. Hankie?
That's what I used to call him.
(Sobs)
(Crying loudly)
You couldn't have said tissue?
Careful. All the good meat's been taken, so who knows what's in that burger.
Or why it's leaving.
(Gasps) There you are, psytress!
(Making violin noises)
(Laughs)
Don't look at me. I barely know them.
We made you your very own actual invisibility cloak!
(Both vocalizing)
Both: Freaks of Nature...
Get lost.
Look, you are clearly at the wrong table, dorksickles.
Now get that ugly rag out of my face.
Dweeboids, am I right? (Laughter)
Come on, Lizardo.
Just like in Mega Mutants,
weirdos like us have to stick to our own kind.
Let us go while we still have a shred of dignity.
Violina, you are standing on my tail.
(Sighs)
Lou,
we're so sorry.
Yeah, we didn't mean to upset you.
We were trying to make you feel better.
Nothing can make me feel better.
My best friend in the whole world is gone.
I just don't think I can do this.
If you aren't up for Woodchuck Weekend, don't worry.
We can have it next month.
Yeah, take all the time you need.
And if you need to cry, this shirt's already ruined.
So snot 'em if you got 'em.
I'm not just talking about Woodchuck Weekend.
(Gasps) Guys, I'm sorry, but...
I'm leaving Camp Kikiwaka.
What? No!
You can't leave!
I can't stay.
I just want to go home.
I can't believe Lou is leaving us
I can't believe we're losing the only good counselor at this camp!
Oh, Zuri, I know you're upset,
but there are other good counselors here, right?
You're right, Emma.
Stefen in Badger cabin is the best.
I can't believe Lou's really packing her bags to leave camp tomorrow.
And she can't stop crying.
She's probably booger-blasted every shirt Emma owns by now.
I just don't know what I'm going to do without her.
A lot less laundry, that's for sure.
We just heard that Lou is leaving camp!
Zuri, what did you do?
Nothing!
Great. First Hazel humiliates us in front of everybody at lunch,
and now we're going to lose the only decent counselor in this place?
Tiffany, aren't you forgetting about somebody?
Thank you, Zuri.
Oh, yeah, Stefen in Badger cabin!
He's amazing.
You know, Camp Kikiwaka just won't be the same without Lou.
Yes, we must try and convince her to stay.
Look, guys, I don't want to lose Lou either.
But if she has to leave in order to get through this, then we have to support her.
Emma's right.
If this is what Lou needs, then we should let her go.
So we are to sit around and do nothing?
No.
We're going to throw Lou the best goodbye party this camp has ever seen.
We're gonna turn Woodchuck Weekend into Lou-lapalooza!
Yeah. That's a great idea.
Lou loves a palooza!
I'm in! But don't tell my mom.
She's forbidden me to palooze.
Hey, guys! (Gasps)
Hazel, what were you doing back there?
I like to lurk in the shadows, what's it to you?
And listen, about before, I just didn't want people to think I was...
A freak like us?
No!
Yeah.
Okay, I get that you don't want to be ridiculed.
But you have so much fun playing Mega Mutants.
Who cares what other people think?
Tiffany is right.
I was so happy when I figured out that other people's opinions of me
do not matter.
I must be true to myself.
Now I proudly let my geek flag fly.
So, you don't care that people call you dweeb,
or weakling, or lizard-loving, sandal-wearing loser?
They call me all those things?
Well, those last couple may have been me.
Hey, Lou, come with me. I want to show you something.
Ah, I have to catch my bus.
Don't worry, this won't take long.
But if I don't check in early, I'll end up between some guy who clips his toenails,
and another guy who eats the clippings.
And this is why I never ride the bus.
All: Surprise!
Oh, my overalls!
What is all this?
We just want to show you how much we love you,
by paying tribute to the greatest Woodchuck of all time.
(Cheering and applause)
Lou, you have meant so much to everyone here at Camp Kikiwaka.
That is why we are throwing what we like to call...
(Whistles)
Alollaa... up zoo?
Ravi! That's supposed to say Lou-lapalooza!
You punks had one job!
Don't worry, it gets better.
Lou, you have shaped us in so many amazing ways.
So, we wanted to return the favor and "shape" you.
This Lou statue will forever stand on the grounds of Camp Kikiwaka to honor you.
Because you are head and shoulders above the rest.
(Cracks)
(Gasps)
Okay, just shoulders.
Moving on...
Lou, I've been learning from you since the day we met.
In fact, everyone at camp has learned so much from you.
These campers are all tying different knots that you taught them.
These knots symbolize the unbreakable bond
between you and everybody at Camp Kikiwaka.
Nice work, guys.
Okay, you can untie me now.
(Laughing)
Hey, come back!
Ah, the old "tie 'em and goodbye 'em."
Classic. (Groans)
Hey, get back here.
And this mural represents everything you mean to us.
(Groans)
(Screams)
Shall we serve the cake now?
Mmmm, lemon and sunscreen, my favorite.
I am so sorry, Lou.
We just wanted to show you how much you mean to us,
but we couldn't even do that right. Actually, Emma...
All we had to do was throw a simple party
and give you the tribute you deserve...
But Emma, I... But we messed it all up!
And now I'm losing my best friend...
Emma, you're not losing your best friend!
What do you mean?
I mean I'm not leaving!
You're not?
But I thought you wanted to go home.
I did, but...
After seeing everything you've done to make me feel loved,
I know this is where I want to be.
So you're staying?
Absolutely!
(All cheering)
Thank goodness! Now Stefen won't be the only decent counselor here!
Attention, fellow counselors, campers,
boyfriends... Nope.
Hazel, what are you doing?
Guys, I'm really sorry about dissing you earlier.
But you're right.
This is who I am, and I don't care who knows it!
You go, nerd-girl!
My name is Psytress!
And I play Mega Mutants!
All: Freaks of Nature unite!
(All whooping)
Okay, I have no clue what any of that had to do with me,
but it was entertaining as heck.
(Puppy whimpers)
Zuri, you can whine all you want,
but we're not charging a ten dollar cover for Woodchuck Weekend.
(Puppy whimpers)
Oh! Hey there, little fella!
You're awfully cute.
So, we found the food thief.
He's the one who's been stealing the meat from the mess hall.
He ate all of the Chili Surprise.
The surprise is that he's still alive.
Aww, he's so sweet, but somebody's probably missing their best friend.
I know how that feels.
C'mon, let's go find out where he came from.
(Barks)
Aww.
(Gasps) Hank used to do that when I would try to leave for school.
That's why I couldn't read till I was eleven.
He doesn't have any tags. He's a stray.
That's how you got Hank, right?
He was a stray?
Okay, I see what's going on here...
Lou, we realize no dog could ever replace Hank.
Yeah, he was the best. Even though he didn't like me.
What are you talking about? Hank loved you!
Then why did he, you know, try and kill me every time I saw him?
Hank always played rough with boys!
My brothers could tell you the same thing.
Well, not Billy. Hank bit his tongue right off.
So, what do you think, Lou?
Do you want to keep him?
He'd be the perfect camp mascot.
He's adorable and he can tolerate the food.
In that case, welcome to Camp Kikiwaka.
(All cheering)
(GASPS) You're gonna need a name.
Got any ideas?
(Barks)
Why's he barking at your Woodchuck?
'Cause even dogs know hats with ear flaps are a fashion don't.
Oh, I get it.
He wants to be called Chuck!
Is that right, boy?
(Chuckles)
I'll take that slobber as a yes!
I'll get one of Emma's shirts.