I am doubling the bounty on Mandoon and the pagan wench.
How's my favorite freedom-fighting couple ?
- Excellent. - Actually, we're no longer a couple.
You're not worried about the arrival Of emperor zanus'weapons inspector ?
It's not exactly What i came here for,
But she'll make a tasty little souvenir.
{pos(192,220)}With resistance coffers depleted,
{pos(192,220)}Krod knew a successful supply-line raid was crucial
{pos(192,220)}And seemingly out of reach.
- Zez, get back in position. - No, no,
{pos(192,220)}quasto wearing assless chaps, man.
Normal pants chafe my tail.
{pos(192,220)}Cut him some slack, zez. Guy's got a tail.
{So} why don't you come sit Underneath this chocolate starfish
{pos(192,220)}In a stress position, krod ?
{pos(192,220)}That is not a starfish. That is my muskrat.
- Quasto get back - I don't care what it's.
{pos(192,220)}I saw a heartbeat. Until he covers it up, i'm out.
Can we just clear this up, please ?
{pos(192,220)}You said that on a friday, we Could wear whatever we want.
That's why bruce gets to wear his tummy teaser.
{pos(192,220)}Jealous much ?
Guys, guys, this is an ambush.
{pos(192,220){{Oh, krod,} you said as long As i covered my nipples
{pos(192,220)}And manscaped my treasure trail That i could let loose my bruce.
{pos(192,220)}What... never in my life have i ever Said "manscape" and "treasure bush."
{pos(192,220)}- He would never say... - what, you calling me a liar ?
Guys, guys, guys !
{pos(192,200)}We're here to intercept the Imperial payroll shipment, okay ?
{So} forgive me if i'm all business,
{pos(192,220)}But i'm really not in the Mood to play fashion police.
Oh, really ? Then
{pos(192,200)}Why did you try and get me To wear a chastity belt ?
{pos(192,220)}No, now, aneka, that Is not a chastity belt.
That is state-of-the-art vaginal armor.
{Yeah, well,} i'll take my chances.
Well, you wouldn't Have to take chances
If you'd just follow Some simple guidelines.
- Is it so hard to wear underwear ? - It is if you've got a tail.
I don't want to get hit with grobble droppings.
{Guys,} i'm not opening the Discussion up to everyone.
We are here to do a job.
Oh, great. Oh, that's just great.
Congratulations. You Just killed casual friday.
{Ay,} - No, krod, please. - No,
{No, nope,} nope, stick a Sword in it. It's done.
- Who's asking ? - Of course.
Our last encounter left Little time for introduction.
I'm Ralph Longshaft. It's Spelled "Ralph," pronounced "rafe."
Wait, you're the ralph longshaft ?
Wow, your autobiography Ralph on Ralph
Is the reason i picked up A sword for the cause.
- Man crush. - Stop.
This is my esteemed warlock And dear friend grimshank.
Oh. Hey, how you doing ?
{Krod,} we tracked you Here because the e. R. c...
- The elite resistance council... - {Yep,} Of course.
Is meeting tomorrow in the frenulum Catacombs at the base of mount hood.
To discuss strategy in A post-arcadius world.
Now, as his protege,
I believe that you should be Part of that discussion.
Grimshank, the invitation.
- It was in his sleeve. - Till tomorrow ?
Grimshank, away.
My eyes.
That... that was a stumper.
Did he slice the earth ? What did he...
What news, Barnabus ?
{Well,} The bounty on mandoon has Been lifted by your official decree,
And everything else... excuse me...
Is unfolding according to plan.
Oh.
Oh ?
Come, come, sir.
The eye of galga gremda will Soon be fully operational.
This is the fulfillment Of your five-year plan.
- I thought you'd be happy. - And i am.
I am, barnabus,
But what good is the Power to destroy humanity
If i have no one to share it with ?
I miss her, Barnabus. I miss her so.
Who, sir ?
My angel,
My beloved,
The wench from the village with The big cans and the "hump me" eyes.
Yes, of course.
Now, was she not last seen Absconding with lord Roderick ?
Yes, but what can he bench ?
{Oh,} touche, sir. Touche.
And you're not deterred By the age difference.
You take your own age, Cut it in half, add seven.
Anything higher than that Is socially acceptable, yes ? Try it.
- Yes. - Isn't it perfect ?
- Yes, yes, and then you can... - yes, well, lovely.
I just, you know, hope you've Not mistaken infatuation for love.
What do you know of love ?
You've never even been in A long-term relationship.
Oh, true, yeah, i was only married for A short time before you beheaded my wife.
{Only} because she was unfaithful to you.
With you, sir.
{Well,} she initiated at The autumnal solstice.
You spiked her punch and goaded Her into sexual role-play.
Oh, yes, i did. Yes.
I had forgotten that. Yes.
Yes, well, it was a test.
And she failed.
I saved you a lot of heartache.
Yes, well,
My infant sons and I thank you.
Thank me by finding her, Barnabus.
Find my soul mate.
Right. Abs, I think.
The passing of Arcadius has left
Hessemeel's seat on the council wide open.
Earlier today, I nominated you to replace him.
Oh, my gods! This is arguably the greatest moment of my life.
Your nomination was rejected.
Why?
However, the council did agree to a compromise.
Your admission and, by rightful extension,
Aneka's admission to our ranks
will be conditional upon the successful completion
of a test of valor.
You must retrieve the bloodstone of Elluvia,
The largest diamond in the known world.
Its sale could fund the Resistance for a decade.
It's believed to lie here on the Elluvian plain
deep in the lair of a dreaded cyclops.
Hundreds have died in its pursuit.
Careful, guys.
Right now, our only advantage Is the element of surprise.
- I love surprises! - Back up, one-eye.
Or what, dimples?
You'll stick that thing in me?
Aren't you a wild one.
Join me for nibbles and mojitos...
Fresh mint.
Weapons at the ready. If you get the chance, take this guy out.
Dig in, everybody.
As usual, i've made way too much.
Pass me the ponzu sauce, love.
Wait, is that the orange one?
Nope. That's chutney. Ponzu is brown.
What's going on here?
Are you or are you not the dreaded cyclops of elluvia?
The dreaded cyclops of Elluvia is my father.
Please, call me Cy.
Hello, Cy. I'm Loquasto.
Guys, focus. We're here for the Elluvian bloodstone.
That old hunk of junk?
Take it. It was my father's.
We never saw eye to eye.
He despised my decadence.
I didn't share his bloodlust.
C'est la vie.
So, what, we can just take that and...
Go?
That's why you came.
I get it.
No one wants to have cocktails and nosh with a one-eyed monster.
And so I drink alone...
Again.
Ay, Krod, he's lonely.
- He feels like a monster. - He is a monster.
- Who could have killed us but didn't. - Yet. Yet!
I cannot stress that enough. Get the stone.
He made ponzu.
It's, like, the least evil of all the sauces.
- Krod? - Come on, Krod.
Quasto, test the food for poison.
Oh, that is lovely.
That is lovely.
Okay, look,
One mojito, a couple of snacks, and then we hit the bricks, agreed?
Agreed.
No, you don't have my agree. No.
How anyone can resist is beyond me.
Mr. Universe, I think.
Sir, forgive me.
I come with news of your soul wench.
Yes, she's to be wed this weekend to lord Roderick at castle brainhang.
Daggers! Ready the carriage.
We ride tonight to brainhang.
Oh, and, Barnabus, fill out the travel flagons and grab some munchies.
We'll make it a road trip.
Oh, hello, I'm lord Roderick. What's your problem?
Aneka, truth or dare?
Truth.
Have you ever gotten busy with a cyclops?
Cyclops, one-eye.
That's not an automatic "no"?
I once lay with a troll who lost an eye in battle.
Does that count?
It most certainly does not, my dear.
It counts as the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. I mean...
Where do you draw the line? Trolls?
- Obviously, there's no line. - Zezelryck,
truth or dare?
You know what, Cy? I'm gonna go ahead, and I'm gonna pass.
Just keep it going around.
- Come on. You're such a coward. - Bitch.
Because of the name calling, all right, I'll... dare.
- Cy, I'm gonna go with dare. - Fantastic.
I dare you to go under the water
and breathe through my flesh snorkel.
- Okay. - Party time!
Well, you win.
Cyclops wins.
- Game over. - Oh, my gods.
You swing both ways.
- You're a... - Biclops. Guilty.
Should we... go lie by the fire,
break out the lotion, and just...
get a little weird?
- Okay, let's do it. - I can't even put lotion on.
Yeah, you know what, cy?
I think we should probably just get going.
All good things must come to an end.
Hang your suits on the drying rack.
I'll go and fetch you some warm towels.
- Thank you. - Thank you, Cy.
- Look at him. - Hey, should i say it?
Great guy. Great guy.
- Great guy. - Should i say it?
Weird! Okay, he's a freak.
Break out the lotion? Next to the fireplace?
He's sick, man. Let's get the hell out of here, Kröd.
- He is a bit freaky. - Guys, towels.
This candelabra is a nice piece. What's it made of?
Femurs.
Or is it tibias?
What's this bone right here?
It's party time!
- What? - No, wait!
Cy, come on!
Who could have predicted this, huh?
Well, hello there.
Did she hurt you? Shall i kill her?
No. She's my mother.
- Biological or step? - Step, i guess.
My blood mother died in childbirth.
Because that is not much to look at.
Mother, go.
Yes, shoo. Away, woman.
What are you doing here?
Forgive me.
I feel as helpless and as vulnerable as a turtle
after i've ripped off its shell.
Okay, here goes.
I know you see me as nothing more
than a lowly provincial flunky.
Stuck in a go-nowhere chancellorship,
But i am about to activate the most powerful weapon in the world.
And use it to kill emperor Zanus and seize his crown.
It's really impressive, isn't it?
Point being,
I want to share my life with you.
My heart,
is yours
now and forever.
Do with it as you will.
Are you asking me to marry you?
No, you know what?
If marriage is what you want then...
Marriage. What do you say?
Well,
Since i met you, i've been orphaned,
Kidnapped,
Betrothed to a royal, privy to assassination plots and
- while part of me despises you... - It'd be weird if you didn't.
Another part knows that you can excite me
in ways no other man ever can.
I say... Yes!
Okay, Cy talk to me. What's going on here, buddy?
Well,
I thought we'd party a little more,
And then...
It's go time!
I guess what i'm asking is, what exactly is go time?
It's when i sex
you all...
- To death. - I knew it!
I knew it. Y'all don't listen to nothing i say.
And then i eat you.
If any of y'all survive this just,
Just tell my mom that i died, literally, any other way.
All right!
Let's get swollen.
Kröd and
Loquasto.
- Start tongue jousting. - No problem.
No, no, no, we can't,
Because we work toge... It would just be awkward.
Wait! Let me and Kröd start things off.
- Really? - Bo-ring!
The handsome warrior and his beautiful maiden?
So vanilla.
I need some strange.
Trust me. We've got game.
We're compatible sexually. I mean, that was never the problem.
It was really more about our core values.
I'm turtling here.
That's not strange. Give him some strange.
Grab my butt.
- All right, slow down. I'll get there. - Do it now.
Okay.
A little tush play.
Likey, likey.
I'm starting to chub.
Do you feel it?
- Oh, yeah. Do you? - I mean the throwing star.
Right.
Yeah, got it.
Hit him in the eye.
Go! Go! Go!
Zez, there's a problem.
The butt stuff, the tush play...
I need a moment.
- Oh, i got you. - Get that rope around him.
You know what to do, {big fella.}
Hurry up! He's strong.
Get down, you bugger!
Get away, you!
Go on, bugger off!
Sod off, you old cow!
- Boost it up a bit, - Yes.
I am so sorry.
I'm such a mess.
Ever since my breakup with Lisa
And Chad, i've been such a man whore,
Humping and eating everything in sight.
- I hate myself. - I've been there.
Father sent me to a talking Doctor to sort me out, but...
- {let me guess.} You Sexed him and hate him. - Bingo.
All right, {guys,} let's get Dressed and hit the road.
Why not...
grab some prosciutto on the way out?
It's only gonna go bad.
Like me.
- How many children shall we have? - Six.
Well, ten if we acknowledge the Bastard sons i've already got.
Ten it is!
I...
Love...
You.
- You all right, my love? - Oh, yes.
The cool morning air burns my lungs.
Blood!
Daggers!
You've got the plague!
Does this mean you don't love me?
No.
The old me might have pulled the old
"let me just check the Carriage wheel" and bolted,
But the new me is bound To you, body and soul.
I shall ensure that you are leeched By the finest medical minds of our time.
I swear by the gods above, You will not die.
Why? Why? Why couldn't it Have been you, Barnabus?
Why?
Excuse me, gentlemen. Sorry we're late, but this Thing was weighing me down.
It is authentic.
I shall add it to our treasury.
Welcome to the council, brother
And sister.
Basking in the glow of His recent triumphs,
Krod felt an unfamiliar Sensation swell in his chest:
Pride.
But as the adage has it...
Pride goeth before a fall.
{Yeah?} What's up, ralph?
I was planning on taking my schooner Out on lake cormada tomorrow.
But i'm in desperate Need of a first mate.
- Oh, aye, aye, captain. - I was thinking of aneka.
{Now,} Bruce intimated that You and she have a history,
And i would simply hate to Trespass on any lingering emotional...
No, come on, Ralph.
- Mensches before wenches: guy code 101. - Marvelous.
Oh, but just between us,
Don't expect too much From her emotionally.
Poor kid's still pretty Banged up in here.
Sorry.
I had to find a lube Store to fill my gourd.
Let's go, Ralph.
Farewell, my friends.
- Long live the resistance! - To the resistance.
I don't think she's gonna be giving him much resistance.
You got me, master.
Is it just me, or is that a Lot of lube for one weekend?
Nor was krod's the
only heart in Hessemeel enduring the pain of lost love.
Sir?
Think i might have something
To strengthen your blighted spirits.
Nothing can mend my broken heart.
Nothing, sir?
The focal lens for the Eye of Galga Gremda.
When all else fails me,
You always manage to come through.
I thank you with all my heart.
Now, leave, would you? I've sent for some wenches.
You're kind of a buzz kill.
I've got the lens!
Team Hroath Gblon Brack Rothan sub-way.fr